Pjg

[Poolia]

How can i get my husband too help with his son. Everytime i do he is so mad we bothered him but i cant do it alone he is allot of stress.

[Sabean753]

This might not be the best response but I suggest counseling with the husband if he is willing. Both my kids have ADHD and I have been super stressed out for the last 3 years due to no support from the husband on everyday things. He also has ADHD and hasn't seen or does understand the stress it has put on me as a parent. Husband since has completely checked out since the pandemic started and had an affair now pushing a divorce. Some men just don't have it in them. I suggest the counseling, do it virtually if you need to before it drives a wedge between you. It can help with better communication of your needs and may give him some more understanding. Hope this is helpful. Hugs to you, I know how tough it is.

[Lindsay3411 in reply to Sabean753]

Agree

[Redpanda5 in reply to Sabean753]

This might go against the grain but here goes. If your husband isn’t open to helping then he likely won’t be open to counseling and I’m guessing that even asking him to go will make him angry. I could be wrong absolutely because I don’t know you but that my guess.

I have a husband like this. He got angry whenever I asked for help and would help but yelled at the kids while helping and made them cry —- which produced even more work for me. So, I chose to leave him out of it. I handled everything myself (I have two kids with adhd, 3 years apart). Is it hard? Yes. Did I sometimes get resentful? Yes! As I matured as a person though, I saw that it was to the benefit of everyone that I handle everything.

The only piece I didn’t handle was the finances. He did pay for everything (begrudgingly) but he did pay - though only after a fight many times. So seeing him as the provider made me realize that that was the part he could handle. The direct dealing with the child he simply could not handle.

Is it the most ideal situation? No, but find your silver lining. I believe the Lord has gifted you with the skills necessary to persevere and He is there watching you and there for you. Just pour out your burdens to Him - He knows. He hears you! It’s not for the faint of heart but the fact that you are here on this board tells me that you have a great deal of strength and love for your child. This is a gift and he is so lucky to have you. Be his person. He needs you. Mothers have a strength like no other. You’ve got this. Hugs.

P.S. Seven years later my husband still can’t deal with the adhd behaviors but he has finally recognized that he’s bad at it and refers to me to handle but is more supportive of all I do and marvels at my patience. He has come to a level of respect but it took time.

[Hidden in reply to Redpanda5]

Agree