Lately I am beginning to think that my 12 y.o. ADHD son has some mental illness. I cannot seem to make sense of the things he does. Last night was like a circus at home. I found myself yelling, cursing, calling him names and wanting to punch him in the forehead. It usually starts as soon as I pick him up. He enjoys farting in my room and leaving the odor. He will blow his foul breath into my face and laugh. It takes him a year to complete one homework sheet. He draws and writes on his face, arms and legs,. I've found writing on his dresser and the wall. I will ask him to do get the mail, he will get sidetracked and wind up outside on the porch watching rap videos. After his shower, I found him on the floor doing push ups with no clothes on.
Has anyone else experienced odd behaviors in their pre-teen? Please share advice or thoughts on how to manage this. He has odd behaviors with and without medication. thank you!
FWIW, I have a son too (not ADHD) and he is gross and annoying! So I feel your pain ...
Much of this sounds like normal ADHD behavior: lack of impulse control, difficulty focusing (homework is a challenge) and being easily distracted while going to do one task (like getting the mail). It also sounds like pre-pubescent boy stuff (like annoying his mom with his farts and working on his muscles). Does he have a positive male role model in his life? When I’m not sure what to make of my 13-year-old son’s behavior, I default to my husband’s knowledge of boys.
Blowing bad breath in your face could just mean he’s wanting attention from you and has learned a way to get it (though it’s negative attention). What are his favorite ways to spend time with you? Try doing more of those things and the attention-grabbing behavior could diminish.
Sounds like your son is overall happy and healthy versus angry and irritable though!? And that’s a positive thing any day when dealing with adhd.
I agree 100%
Hello and thanks so much for your advice. His father does not live with us and is not actively involved in his life. It is during my quiet time at night that he tends to act foolishly with me. This is the only time I have for myself to read or watch movies. Other than this there is no time for myself. It is quite annoying.
I am a single mom too, I found my self laughing at your post, only because I’ve been there! I feel if I’m not laughing I may just cry. You have to get respect to the fore front of your home. No way he should be farting in your room, and blowing bad breath in your face. My son would argue to get his way, call me names, and pitch a huge fits. I would take stuff away from him, electronics, skateboard, etc. I also made him sit down, and write 25 to 50 sentences. I won’t disrespect my mom, and call her names. At first he put up a big fight, but he eventually caved in and realized he isn’t going to get his stuff back unless he writes his sentences. I always set him down, and explain this is a house of respect! We may not always agree with each other, but we won’t yell, and call each other names. I make him do chores, and contribute to our household. I always say thanks for helping, thanks for this, and thanks for being so responsible, and on time this morning etc. These kids need to hear what their doing right, just as much as they need to hear what their doing wrong. Just try and change the tone, and dynamics in your household, put your boundaries in place, and stick with them. Sit him down and talk calmly about his disrespectful behavior. I promise it won’t happen over night, but you will start to see a difference.
How old is your son? I have made him write a 2 page letter about why he should not lie or steal things from me and why honesty is important. I'm not sure that it sunk in or whether it made a difference or not. I agree he needs to have some level of respect with his mother, but he can't seem to stop doing this. Thanks so much for your advice.
My son is 11. He figured out the code I set up on x-box and bought 100$ worth of games. He didn’t see his x-box for months after that, I got all the bills out, and made him read the amounts , and what they were for. I explained that if he did that again I wouldn’t be able to pay the bills. There is a lot of sit downs, where I just sit him down and explain things to him. We have been through a lot of ups and downs. I have to say we are in a great place now. I know he respects me. It’s taken me doing these things over and over again to get through to him. I have to be tough, but I also am sure to praise him, and encourage him a lot too. He’s goofy, and he drives me nuts sometimes, but he’s also sweet, funny, and loving. I’m taking him to a pediatric psychiatrist next month. Still struggling in school, and I’m not sure his medication is working as well as it should. It’s a lot of work, and I have little time for anything else, but I pray that if I put time, and dedication in now, that he will be a successful adult. Hang in there!
You're an awesome and dedicated mom!! It's great he has you as his advocate. Hopefully when he is older, he will see how you made a difference in his life. My son is 4 grade levels behind, I don't think his meds help either. I too feel like my whole life is about organizing him - the meds, the appointments, the IEP meetings, talking to teachers, setting rules, the checklists.....It is a tiring duty.
My son is the same. Learning delays, go hand and hand with ADHD. Lots of e-mail exchanges with teachers, and even the principal. I’m fortunate that my sister is a special ed teacher, and she lives 3 blocks from me. She helps me out a lot, and sits in on iep meetings. It can feel so overwhelming at times, and I cry in the shower often. If you can talk with someone about it please do so. I love this sight because it’s validates your feelings, and you see your not alone!! 🙏
You are lucky to have an informed person with you at IEP meetings. This site has been a godsend. So many other parents have provided support and an ear to listen.