IEP Failures: Hello friends, my 12 y.o... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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IEP Failures

Janice_H profile image
19 Replies

Hello friends, my 12 y.o. son with ADHD has had an IEP since kindergarten. I do not see much progress despite all of his accommodations. He is not capable of telling time, identifying or counting money, cannot form a cohesive paragraph on his own, and can rarely solve math homework problems on his own. He has 2 different tutors that work with him 6 days a week. Right now he is 2 grade levels behind, yet he passes all of his classes. The IEP goals are just updated each year. He never reaches the goals on the IEP. Has anyone else had similar experiences? Please share advice. Thanks for reading!

19 Replies

My 12 year old still doesn't know how to tell time, count money or tie his shoes.

Onthemove1971 profile image

Janice_H- it is so hard having a child that struggles to learn and is always criticized about the things they do wrong all the time ( not by you, but the way schools do things).

First thing is does your son have anything that hhe is really enjoys that he is good at? For our son it is sports, so we balance the grueling school with a ton of sports. This helps him so much find balance.

For your son, could he have a study skills to balance out and allow him to go over what he needs to learn?.

As far, as the IEP goals I think it would be best to "fine tune" with his case manager what is most important and if you want him to learn Indep. Living Goals, that is different than standard academics.

When a child has an IEP it means there are areas that they are not at grade level that is why they qualify for the IEP. I know it might be hard to not compare him to other children without disabilities, but he is who he is, if that makes sense and his learning timeline is different.

Hope this helps a little.

Big hugs!

Janice_H profile image
Janice_H in reply to Onthemove1971

He loves basketball and seems obsessed with it. He used to be in basketball 2 nights a week, but tutoring is now filling that time. To be honest, I do not even know if the tutoring is useful or not.

Onthemove1971 profile image
Onthemove1971 in reply to Janice_H

To be honest, if I were in your shoes I would put him in basketball. We have paid thousands and thousands of dollars in tutoring and we don't see any difference.

He needs something he enjoys and I think 6 days is to much.

Good luck, we know your pain.

Disapprove-adhd profile image

Yes, my child is about in the same boat although he is in 2nd grade and only 7 years old. When he was in pre-k the doctor then request for him to have an IEP but me the mom didn't know what that was. Then i have been trying to get an IEP for him every since he was in kindergarten, 1st grade, then 2nd. They told me he qualified for an 504 plan. That was in 1st grade but he got the 504 plan in 2nd when the school season is about over. I don't know why kids with ADHD have it so Hard with the school system. Something or somebody should help out. I fell your pain but keep on praying hopefully someone will help the kids.

Janice_H profile image
Janice_H in reply to Disapprove-adhd

Thanks for the encouragement

4lizzylou profile image

I am having my 7th graders sons iep today and he is doing well. My suggestion is maybe work on smaller easier goals. I am not sure maybe ask the teacher good luck

reg2018 profile image

It can be really hard sometimes to identify what your child is capable of learning or will eventually be capable of learning in time when you're dealing with ADHD and learning disabilities. Some skills may never be learned or will take several years to learn.

I like what Onthemove1971 said about living skills versus academics. It may be that a shift has to made for a child in terms of focusing more on learning basic life skills and preparing them for the future versus an intense focus on academics in subjects like chemistry, physics and calculus which are above and beyond them.

I just recently attended a Transitions night at a local high school and learned about transitions services in our community, which includes a high school for teens that's more focused on life skills versus academics. There are also many community programs to help teens with disabilities in a variety of ways.

Janice_H profile image
Janice_H in reply to reg2018

What is the transitions program?

reg2018 profile image
reg2018 in reply to Janice_H

Transitions programs may vary from state to state, but a couple of examples here in Utah are Columbus Connects and the Easter Seals school to work transition program.

Dsmith05 profile image

I can only say that kids develop on their own time line. For me personally I did horrible academically for most of school. Behaviorally I was so quiet you wouldn't know I was there. I finally started making good grades in 7th grade but had issues in high school that caused my grades to fall. But I still managed to go to college and earn a Bachelor's in Computer Science and am employed as a Programmer. I, also, did not start reading for pleasure until middle school and my younger brother didn't until high school. We are both avid readers now. I remember a girl in high school having issues so she dropped out got her GED and went on complete college. Take heart in knowing that success or failure in academics does not always mean success or failure in life. In fact it really is just a small part of this life thing.

Janice_H profile image
Janice_H in reply to Dsmith05

This response is what I needed to hear. Your words are so encouraging. THANK YOU!

Alliea79 profile image

Ugh. Yes. I honestly have no advice to share, no secret methods or success story. And it destroys me daily. My 12 year old daughter reads at around a first grade level (she is in sixth), money counting and time have always been pushed out to try to get basic adding and other operations down to a degree. I don’t know. The future terrifies me. The present is painful and the past is full of blaming myself for not learning more about the IEP system, but rather going through the motions, assuming that the education system, the school personnel knew the most and would be doing all that could be done. It is not until this year, after moving, at a new school and having devoted unlimited time that I realize how much is on my shoulders. But to answer some, yes. You aren’t the only one. : (

Janice_H profile image

This is how I feel also. I use so much time trying to be more educated about the process. I truly doubt the school system is doing all they should.

Terrilynn04 profile image

I just had an IEP meeting for my kindergartener and expressed my concern about holding her back because although she has made significant progress throughout the year, she was clearly not at the same stage as her peers. They made a really great point and said that we need to “compare Ella to Ella” and as long as she’s continuing to make strides towards her IEP goals, it doesn’t matter where her peers are. She will still “graduate” each class and move through the school system with her peers. When it comes time for high school evaluations and getting her HS diploma, she may need to take some extra time at that point in an adult continuation program before being able to attain the degree...they actually allow her high school to attain services for her under an IEP in VT until age 22. We had to come to terms that that’s just going to be her path in life and that as long as she was making progress and not showing signs of regression or stagnation, that the “socially imposed” timeline of what she “should” be able to do isn’t as important as continuing to learn life skills and, most importantly, confidence and independence. Good luck!!

Janice_H profile image
Janice_H in reply to Terrilynn04

I really believe that confidence is the most important thing our kids learn. Thanks for sharing your story. It gives me a different outlook.

HeathersWellness profile image

Hi Janice. I'm sorry for the challenges you're facing with your son in reaching his goals. I'm just wondering if you've thought about perhaps hiring an ADHD coach to help keep him on track. Students often do very well when coached. It's just something to think about. I pray things improve.

Janice_H profile image
Janice_H in reply to HeathersWellness

Thank you for the advice and for your prayers. It is so frustrating. How would I go about finding an ADHD coach? Right now he has tutoring 6 days a week. I feel like he is not benefiting from it very much.

Matheu25 profile image

I was in the same boat as you almost exactly regarding his math skills and my son had an IEP all through school and yes once there on an I EP they don’t retain them! my son is still terrible with anything that has to do with numbers and he’s 20 now . I noticed when he was in school he never got good teaching , the school personnel don’t have the patience or will to really help kids like ours. If I had it to do over again I would get the schools special ed advocate/legal person to get the most you can get!

My son is happy now as a CNA and he does mixed martial arts-encouraging your kid in what he is interested in helps tremendously😊

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