What to do?

[Momatwitsend]

Our 7yo son has been diagnosed for 1.5 years and on meds. I'm looking for some help guidance on what to do for him. He has a hard time sleeping in his own bed, wakes up screaming wanting to know "mom are you still there?" Or bad dreams; sleeps with the overhead light on all night; starts in his bed but wakes up and sleeps on our floor most nights: refuses to poop in the potty (would rather sit in it and pretend like it didn't happen) and moves from screen to screen to screen. We have tried charts, stickers, rewards, therapy everything you can think of. We just don't know what else to do for him. Any help or suggestions are greatly appreciated. We just feel like a failure and want to help him the best we can.

[HoldingonLou]

Hugs Momatwitsend. What do the therapist say? Is he on a set schedule? What is his nightime ritual? My son used to have nightmares and would wake up in the middle of the night. I actually slept on his floor to get him to stay in bed for while. What kinds of relaxing and repetitive things do you do before he goes to bed. My son used to love me to sing to him.

[Aspen797]

My nephew was similar but the cause could be different. He had sensory issues that caused him to feel lost/like he couldn’t feel his body in the dark. He had to have the light on at night. Still struggles with sleep. Using a baby monitor where you can talk to each other might help. Working with an occupational therapist really helped my nephew. Weighted blankets too. He also had encopresis—-where he his bowel had gotten stretched and the nerves become desensitized. More info here: kidshealth.org/en/parents/e.... He was not aware of having defecated. It was very challenging but with an experienced doctor, it improved. Your son may not have these issues, but for our nephew it was helpful connecting with the right type of help.

[FitsInNoBox]

Sounds very familiar -- we still have sleep issues and major anxiety so I'd love to know other's suggestions as well! We tried therapy but didn't find it very helpful. A weighted blanket helps, noise machine...the thing that help my son the most so far was actually new glasses -- it turned out he couldn't see at all and felt very disoriented all of the time. He now has prisms and it did wonders for him. Maybe worth getting him checked? Good luck!!

[Crazyboymomma]

allllll of the above but please ask your dr about Guanfacine bc it can be a game changer.

[Imakecutebabies]

Our 7yo son still comes to join us partway through the night. We just let him climb in and then we all go back to sleep.

We limit his screen time. Can't help with the pooping.

[Mamamichl]

my daughter is 9 and only this year started wanting the lights out some of the time. We insisted it not being the overhead, since it makes her brain not know it’s bedtime. Maybe see if there’s a closet light or hall light he can do to transition.

There are some stuffed animals you can record your voice an he can play it if he feels like he needs you. Some kids get better with that. My daughter has a lot of bowel issues too. Because the first time she showed constipation, she was 3 months old. She would go 2 weeks back then. I’ve done lots of tests, but it’s seeming to be behavioral now. Did you know there are counselors that work with bowel issues? I’m looking into them as soon as I can. You could try and only let him have electronics (or certain ones) if he is on the toilet. Schedule time to have him there every hour for 5 minutes or so with that screen, but then go low screens. I know apple products will lock with timers.

[Momtrying]

I don’t have a lot if advice for your specific issues but I did notice you said you feel like a failure. You’re not! You’re trying so hard for your child and that’s huge. Things might not be working, but that just means you haven’t found the right thing yet. Don’t get down on yourself, although I know it is very easy to do with these tough children. My son had different issues, and life seemed impossible for a long time. But he’s 15 now and I actually enjoy him! Sometimes it just takes time, but I’d also look into changing his medication, or adding some thing to help with sleep. We had to change doses of medication almost every year for a while

Good luck! You’re doing great 😊

[HereforOGC]

similar story aside from the poop. Our kiddo was eventually diagnosed as autistic (Asperger’s type). When Covid hit our “pretty good” sleeper turned into a nightmare. He would shout from his bed until someone joined him. If we snuck out he would wake up and shout until we gave in and came back. It went that way for 2.5 years. We took a “Parenting Anxious Kids” course that suggested the reward ladder thing for building tiny skills towards the big goal of sleeping alone. Each step used screen time in our case as it was the only reward that was motivating. Over 7 months we moved closer and closer to sleeping in separate rooms. Finally did the 1 week alone in bed by 8 years old and took the kiddo to Disneyland as the grand prize (which was an overstimulation nightmare, but also full of amazing memories).

Our kid has severe ADHD and is on Vyvanse. As I said he also got recently diagnosed as ASD. The autism wasn’t obvious until around 7.

We are NOT failing! Think of how most of us grew up. Physical punishments and ignoring the problem. We are doing a good job. YOU are doing a good job. Take care.

[Brazilianmom]

sending you a big hug and please don’t feel like a failure . You are a loving mom trying to figure out what’s best for your baby ! As a child I had severe night terror and I still remember how scared I felt as a child at night time . My son , who is 7, has bad nightmares and is scared of being alone . For me , I want him to feel safe and not have some much anxiety related to sleep . Because I value my own sleep , I don’t want him in bed with us . My husband and I got a small mattress and put by our bed . He is free to come in the meeting of the night and lay there but has to fall asleep on his own bed. Because he knows he can come to his mattress if he gets scared , he now sleeps in his own bed more and more . We are all collectively happier now because we can sleep

I outgrew my night terror and I am confident our kiddos will too .

You are doing a great job