Anyone feel lost on how to help child? 14 year old with ADHD and OCD. Anger issues and inability to "talk him down" when he gets angry.

[momneedshelp_22]

Hello out there. My son has been having a very hard time lately. He has been more aggressive and unable to be calmed especially when he gets limited on screen time. It is concerning, scary and sad to see him this way. He is currently on Zoloft. He is also unfortunately dealing with a Crohn's disease diagnosis within the last year as well. Any input would be appreciated. My husband and I are trying to figure out how to help him next.

[BLC89]

Hello momneedshelp_22,I'm sorry to hear you and your family are have a rough time. I have worked with clients who have OCD and they generally also have a therapist well versed in OCD and helpful protocols. Does your son have a therapist? Is that an option?

If that isn't in the budget then start sleuthing so you can learn everything you can about OCD. I know it can be extremely gripping so trying some tried and true tactics is your best option.

I wish I had more to offer. Hang in there keep gathering info, and take care of yourself as best you can.

BLC89

Full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent Coach. I have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and raised two kids who have ADHD.

[MamaQueenBeeOf3]

Hi,

I feel your pain. It’s so hard on everyone involved. My son started taking Quelbree- it’s a non stimulant. We found it helps him a/ the ADHD part of things, while stimulants seemed to make him angrier. We just started a small does of Prozac for the emotional dysregulation and some OCD tendencies. It seems like when things aren’ t “right” he spirals the most. Maybe an ADHD med paired w/Zoloft would calm some aggression?

Hang in there mama. Some days I feel like I got this and others I just feel very defeated. It feels like a “One moment at a time” kinda life.

[momneedshelp_22 in reply to MamaQueenBeeOf3]

You are so right. One minute at a time. That is some great information and it means a lot for all the support. Blessings your way!!!!

[JamB11]

I highly recommendchecking out ADHD Dude. The are free videos but also a monthly option where you have access to office hours for questions. The parent training made a huge difference for my 13-year-old. This combined with the right medication of fluoxetine and guanfacine and a supplement Deplin/ methylfolate due to a MTHFR gene.

[momneedshelp_22 in reply to JamB11]

Thank you so much for the great information. It is truly appreciated!!!

[Rollersk8er]

hi, I am in this group for my 15 y o daughter who has ADHD but I also have an 18 year old son with Crohn's. So I know how that can be and I sympathize!!! He takes Humira and does well on that. But I have noticed that when it's time for another dose he tends to get angry and irritated much more easily. Maybe it's something about the gut/brain connection??? Idk. But it's definitely a thing with him.

[momneedshelp_22 in reply to Rollersk8er]

Thank you so much for the input. It's hard enough being a teenager in this world, and pretty hard being a parent as well. Thanks for the information and encouragement!!!!

[eva2022]

I often feel like this with my seven-year old son. I’m so sorry. It feels lonely and difficult and discouraging. I worry about later years.

[momneedshelp_22 in reply to eva2022]

It's helpful to have a community of people to encourage each other. One step at a time, one day at a time, even one minute at a time. Thanks for replying 🙂

[BoyMom11]

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear your son is struggling. My almost 10-year-old son has ADHD and OCD. If you aren't already seeing a therapist for OCD, I recommend checking out AT Parenting (Natasha Daniels) on YouTube and her podcast. It was incredibly helpful for me to get started in understanding OCD and how to help my son. I also wanted you to know we are in the same boat with emotional struggles so you're not alone.

[Peerandparent]

In the moment, most things I do to de-escalate my 9yo are either ineffective or counterproductive. Most of our efforts are devoted to avoiding those moments, and as much as possible giving him the space to ride out the intense emotions.

After he's come down, THEN we can talk about why he got so upset, as well as brainstorming other solutions or outlets that would be effective.

In the moment, many of the strategies are at best like trying to stop a flood with a damp sponge. The key is having as many calming strategies built in as a standard practice in his routine. To clumsily extend the metaphor, it's like mopping up the little spills before they collect and become the flood.

Another thing is that with my guy, he has the most difficulty with transitions. When it's time to switch from task a to b, even if he enjoys b. We try to give him advance warning as much as possible, and we also do our best to be consistent with respect to expectations and rules. A lot of times things are worse if a rule was enforced differently before, or if it has been failed to be enforced previously. Being consistent, sticking to decisions, and enforcing rules reliably can mean that he knows what he cam expect from you. Broken expectations are one of the biggest triggers for anger in kids and adults.

Finally, it's more important to be effective than it is to be right. That doesn't mean you change the rules to accomodate his outbursts; it means more that trying to rationalize with someone who is escalated, at best, is going to be ineffective. Our ability to use reason is inversely proportional to the intensity of our emotions. This means that instead of trying to get him to understand where you're coming from, in that intense moment it's far more important to validate how he's feeling, and as best as possible give him healthy ways to vent that emotion. Find as many ways as you can to show him that you get why he's upset and that it's okay to be upset. Once he understands that you get what he's experiencing, then you can remind him of healthy outlets you've discussed with him when he's calm.

Hope this helps! I do a lot of de-escalation at work (I work on a mental health unit in a hospital) and I'll tell you that it's far easier with my clients at work than it is with my son, both because an adult brain is more practiced at regulating emotions, and because I'm far less personally invested at work.

Good luck!

[Peerandparent in reply to Peerandparent]

Also, as much as possible, have him learn about ADHD and ocd himself. The better he understands why he responds in certain ways, and why certain things are more difficult, the more he'll be able to focus on his strengths and find strategies that work for him. I recommend "How to ADHD" on YouTube as one resource he might find helpful.

[momneedshelp_22 in reply to Peerandparent]

Thank you for the wonderful in-depth information. I really appreciate you taking time to share within your busy life! It means a lot.

[marinecyan]

I'm so sorry your family has been struggling. You are not alone - We've been there too. Lost & frightened for our child's future.

I'm a holistic nutritionist so we've taken a non-medication approach and have had a lot of success with my 10 yo son. He was dysregulated, irritable and explosive a year ago. His baseline is now happy, he's more flexible and much more cooperative. I used Finally Focused by Dr. James Greenblatt as my guide.

Of the supplements he takes, nutritional lithium orotate made the biggest, most immediate difference in eliminating his explosions. The second biggest benefit for him was a high potency B vitamin and iron supplement (EnLyte). We started it because my son’s genetic testing indicated a mutation in the MTHFR gene , which makes it harder for him to use folate to make neurotransmitters. It’s a prescription and is a bit pricey but it’s completely shifted his baseline from irritable to happy. He still gets upset, sometimes very upset with video games, but he's able to calm down much more quickly and will later apologize which he never did before.

I’d be happy to share more details/info if you’re interested. Wishing you all the best.

[momneedshelp_22 in reply to marinecyan]

Thank you very much for the information. I would love to hear more. I will also try to research more of the information you have provided. I would love to find more peace and sanity in the day for all of us.

[marinecyan]

I'm more than happy to share. Finally Focused is a great resource and Dr. Greenblatt also has information on his website: finallyfocused.org/

The genetic testing is just a cheek swab. We did a Genomind test that we requested the pediatrician order. Here's a link to a sample report: genomind.com/wp-content/upl...

As for supplements, my son takes Lithium Orotate liquid from KAL: kalvitamins.com/products/li...

He doesn't love the flavor so he "chases" it with a zinc and Vitamin D gummy (links below). My son also take Nordic Naturals ProOmega 2000 Jr: a.co/d/73aqHwo

Nature's Way Zinc Gummies: a.co/d/gS9FHoa

Vitamin D: a.co/d/gpshcJD

[momneedshelp_22 in reply to marinecyan]

Wow, thank you so much. I will look into all of the above. Do you mind telling me of the genetic testing is very expensive?

[marinecyan]

Depending on your insurance, it may be covered. If it's not covered (which it wasn't for us) I recall Genomind reducing the cost but it was still on the order of $200.