Yesterday my husband and I receive the official confirmation that our 6 year old son has ADHD. He knew it, but the confirmation and hearing the charts and scores from the teachers felt like a knife in my heart. He is a happy kiddo, but the pressure to stay still, constant talks about his behavior , constant guidance is getting to him. I feel overwhelmed on where to even begin now that I have a diagnosis in hand. I know i need to educate my self and I have signed up for parenting classes. I have also set up a meeting with the school (Any guidance on how to communicate with the school? ). I not sure how to start the road to seek treatment . Should I go to his pediatrician or a child psychiatrist ? I would appreciate any insights . I want to protect him, empower him ... I feel so anxious every day sending him to school and I know he is constantly under the microscope.
Thanks in advances
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Brazilianmom
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Welcome! I think if you click my screen name, you can see my other posts & responses, almost all of which have to do with my 6 year old!
So...
1 You are doing something about this really early. That is what everyone tells me. That is great. Issues like this don't magically go away on their own & you should feel good/empowered just by the fact that you are addressing it now & not ignoring it.
2 Parenting classes are a great idea. I wish I'd known about them! They will work well with...
3 Whatever a therapist tells you to work on. I would see a therapist first, not a psychiatrist. Maybe you did this through the school? I would personally recommend doing it outside the school because then what you're telling the school doesn't come from them & has outside weight. I mainly communicate with the school through his teacher and the school nurse, and I tell them what is going on way before they can tell me anything. I don't want the school to think they are ultimately in charge of this.
4 I am very pro meds, if they work. Standard Ritalin, coupled with CBT light type strategies, worked wonders for my son. Then we hit a huge rough patch in the summer. Then we adjusted. Then school started again & things got rough & we are adjusting again. There is no magic solution, just a constant process. We use one of our pediatricians for meds. He has been there for a very long time & is very well versed in this, as well as open to feedback & suggestions. Others will tell you you need to see a pediatric psychiatrist specializing in these issues, which leads me to...
5 Do what works for you. Don't do what doesn't work. What I said above is based on my experience with my son. Yours might be different, but just remember that you are trying. What helped me the most, after the therapist's strategies & advice, was reading everything I could about ADHD.
Hang in there! If you're outside the US, maybe some of what I said above isn't relevant but you're doing a great job!
Thank you so much for you detailed message . I am in US and my son is in first grade . I agree with you that I want to be one on the driver seat when comes to deciding what’s best tor my little guy , not the school . We have a upcoming meeting and the number recommendation on how diagnostic report is to reduce pressure on him !
My biggest dilema is where to go from here in terms of deciding best treatment options. Seems to me that seeing a therapist first can be a first step . We have a great ADHD clinic close by but admission in to the clinic is not easy . I am trying . He has an appointment on the 19th . That in itself is a huge victory . Appointments can take months
I picked him up for school yesterday and he said , I love school !!! He got 100% on the spelling test and he was feeling very good about himself ) I am looking forward to the long weekend and let him have a good time . This week when I looked at my son and all I I saw was ADHD (I feel terrible about that) . He is so much more than that
Hello! I’m an MFT and I have a son with ADHD. I highly suggest finding a therapist who specializes in 1.) working with children, and 2.) ADHD. Much of whats helpful about therapy will be the parent support! Find a therapist who is willing to spend time collaborating with you either for part of his session without him in the room, or in addition to. I know if feels overwhelming, but now that you have the diagnosis, you can start getting some focused help. Many will also help collaborate with the school as well.
I’m so glad that you found this community! It has been a huge support for us. My son is almost six, and we too have been getting calls from the school regarding behavior…not ‘bad’ behavior, just behaviors that kids do when they don’t have good executive functioning skills. I think it is a huge win that you have him in at a clinic devoted to ADHD. One thing that has helped me is to see ADHD differently. If you look up all of the adults who have ADHD, you can see what amazing things they accomplish and what beautiful lives they have because of the extra abilities ADHD gives to them.
I can tell that you love your son so much. He knows it, too. Everything will be ok, and even better than ok. You’ve got this!
Welcome! I would read up on what ADHD does to the brain. That has helped me stay calm with my boys because I can try to understand how they are feeling inside. Life with adhd is terribly frustrating so I try to tell myself that when I get frustrated with their behavior. I am a huge believer in medication. I think it should be the first thing tried because your child’s brain may not be able to retain or remember anything they learn in therapy if their frontal lobe is still asleep. trying out medication is a process but so worth it when you get it right. I know a lot of people love using a psychiatrist and I may get there one day but our pediatrician has been great for us in recommending meds, changing doses, added booster doses, etc. But meds have given my son a chance in school.
I went straight through our school counselor (both in elem and jr high) to get my son on a 504 plan and they’ll get a meeting going with themselves, you and the teacher. And don’t be afraid to say you need to time to think about what accommodations your child will need. Sometimes being in the meeting can rattle your brain and you’ll want to go home and think about things before putting it into place. It’s good you are trying to help him early on. I wish I had gotten my son help sooner. Good luck!!
Hi there and welcome! I have been through this process with two of my three children:
1. The sadness will turn into motivation. Give yourself time. Everyone in this forum has been there. You’ll come to realize that it’s not the end of the world. Give yourself time to get there mentally. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
2. Who gave the diagnosis? A psychologist? I would start working with a psychologist who is pro medication. Give them all your diagnosis documentation.
3. The psychologist will connect you with a child psychiatrist to figure out meds. Don’t be scared. The meds level the playing field for your child and catching it young helps them avoid a lot of trauma surrounding schoolmates and relationships. You caught it early!
4. Reach out to your son’s teacher and ask that an evaluation for services meeting be set up with the school. The school will then begin observing and testing him prior to the meeting. Services will be easier to secure if he has been underperforming academically. Schools don’t really give much support for behavior issues. Provide the school with all private documentation. When you’re in the meeting (after all their testing) steer them to how his adhd affects his academic performance. If you sense you’ll get resistance from the school to offer services, then bring the psychologist to the meeting. This is common.
5. Parenting classes. Make sure they are parenting classes geared toward adhd. Regular parenting classes won’t work.
6. Tell your son about all the famous people he admires who have adhd and are very successful.
7. Make a binder / electronic file of everything. Being organized will help with your own anxiety.
8. Read read read. Gets lots of books on adhd. All books offer a little something different. Adhd dude on YouTube is also good.
Make a master plan and take one step at a time. You cannot possibly know everything today. It’s a building process and you’re off to a great start!
My son is 18 now and I just discovered Ross Greene. His latest book is Raising Human Beings. Also there is a podcast (it might be a video) on ADDitude where he talks about ADHD and ODD. I'm sure you're not there yet, my son's ODD didn't kick in until preteen, but I wish I had heard that recording 10 years ago.Best of luck, there are many strengths associated with ADHD, it's not all bad!
You can start with your pediatrician and then find a child psychiatrist or NP who deals with medications. Medication is the best treatment for ADHD especially for young children who may not have the maturity and self-control to work through ADHD. It can be a rocky road until you find the correct fit. You can also find an ADHD parent coach to help you manage your child and understand him better. I also recommend ADDitutude magazine. This has been a lifeline for me in understanding ADHD. Positivity goes a long way in parenting an ADHD child. Focus on what your child does well and make sure to praise him for these things. We try to turn the ADHD from a negative to a positive when talking to our son. His mind is different and how lucky he is to think the way he does! It has challenges, but he overcomes them which makes him a stronger person.
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