ADHD siblings and hitting

[Pmommyof5]

Hi,

I wanted to know what other parents are doing in regards to hitting when there is more than one child with ADHD in the home.

My three older kids have ADHD. (Age 8,7,6)

The oldest has ADHD and is a depressive personality type pre diagnosed with bipolar at age 8. She is very aggressive to the point I just had knee surgery for her kicking me and making me fall.

My second daughter has the inattentive ADHD type and tends to get stuck in between the chaos and siblings are always hitting her. She always has little bruises from her younger brother also with ADHD poking her with toys or pencils or whatever he finds. This past weekend he bit her three times while they were being taken care of by Grama and I was at the store.

My third child has the hyper type ADHD and is on batteries always finding a way to bother his sisters and hit them.

The principal at School called me to notify me that my second daughters teacher will be reporting child abuse because she keeps having these small bruises and this last bruise with the teeth marks on her arms is beyond limit.

I don’t hit my Children and rather try to praise them for their good behavior all three are on medication while the oldest and third one recently changed so we are in trial to see if the new meds work.

I have reward systems I have consequences and take away the toys they love the most or tv and so forth.

I’ve read books, taken parenting classes, I am constantly researching new ways to approach their hitting but so far nothing seems to work when it comes to addressing the hitting.

I feel I am being judged by the Teacher which makes sense swing a child with bruises but the principal knows I do my best and try my best with my kids so she understands.

I’ve had child protective services called on me before for the same issue before and they just told me to be more structured with the kids which is what I have been doing. They checked my home, my parenting, my attempts in getting help, alll their therapies and progress so I am not concerned about that but primary concern about my second daughter being hit so much I constantly remind her that it’s not okay for her siblings to hit her because hitting is never okay.

I am in the progress of seeking help with therapy hoping there is a family therapy program with kaiser that assist the whole family rather than each individually because the oldest mood swings take as big toll on the family and I want to teach my kids that hitting is never okay, and the emotional pain and physical pain it does is not healthy for anyone to do to others or for others to do to them.

Any moms out there have any suggestions?

[hope111]

Hitting has been a problem for us too, though not to the degree you described. Things that have helped us include no hitting on the rewards chart, a check each time a situation could have had hitting but didn’t, and x for hitting. In other words not just a yes/no at the end of the day as we would never have lasted a day, but recognizing small moments of no hitting (such as yay there was no hitting before breakfast!).

We also create space around our ‘hitter’ when we can see he’s disregulated, giving him more personal space until he calms down. My second child is nearly 6 and she has just in the past few months really gotten this one after not getting it before. She doesn’t always sense the risky times, but I tell her give him some space right now please, you two can play later, and she’s starting to get that it’s for her own good. She also has just learned to stop retaliating which helps things not escalate. Each time I say hitting is not ok, and I separate them and have them unwind separately.

Increasing 1-1 time with our hitter helps more than anything. His need for attention seems limitless, but he really does behave better when we carve out more time for him individually, even simple things like ten min of reading a book. He needs this time more than our other child by a lot.

I’ve had some success also with crazy Aaron’s thinking putty - I hold it and keep in my purse but I give it to him when he looks like his hands are starting to want to hit or pull, and it keeps his hands occupied until the time passes. I always collect it after, so there’s no loose putty making a mess. And we use it mainly in the car (car hitting was a biggie for us) or at a table (not on rugs or furniture that could stain).

Why they feel they are hitting is important. My sons was mostly the impulsive hitting not angry hitting. But underneath it was also feeling not enough attention as he needs so much. I’m glad you are seeking some professional help as they will have some great solutions for you I’m sure. Good luck!

[Hidden]

Is there anywhere you can let the second daughter stay with grandma until you get your son on the right medication. I have one son with inattentive ADHD and one with hyperactive ADHD. The inattentive one is the meek one, my 2 niece would harass him until he cries and or tell him what to do, at the time he was 14 and they are 8 and 7. My sons gets along great, which surprises their doctor who keeps asking that question, do they get along, do they fight and I always say yes, they do get along, no they don't fight. I understand now, that the opposite ADHD may cause problems for each other, one is the prey while the other is the predator. One is meek and mild manner, doesn't talk much and less active, while the other is totally the opposite . Your daughter may not stand up for herself, she will always be subseptible to others. One of the counselor long ago told me that I will always have to protect my oldest son, that advise came from a counselor who has ADHD. And she is right so far, I have to monitor his friends, his decision making, his problem solving and the list goes on. If you don't mind I will pass down the same advise I received years ago, you have to protect that one. I don't allow my son to stay overnight anywhere, when he was in boy scouts and there were camping trips, I would ask him what will you do if a person comes into your tent at night and touch you and he said I would do nothing, so you can see this is the type of mindset, these type of children have, being bully is a issue for them.

[Billy50]

How do you speak to your children about their behavior? I would recommend preparing a brief but clear speech telling them why this is wrong and the consequences of such behavior. Spend time thinking exactly what and how you need to say it for it to be effective. Sometimes, one can go over the same things over and over again the same way and make things worse. You have to be effective and reach.