1st grader kicked out of after school program

[MunchkinMommy537]

So my soon to be 1st grader got kicked out of his after school program at a local daycare for, among other things, hitting and kicking his teachers, throwing chairs, cussing, screaming, and being an all around horrible kid. Does anyone know if there are any types of after school programs that cater to ADHD kids? I will have to quit my job if we can’t find something soon.

[Onthemove1971]

Big deep breath.. There will be many more disappointments when you have a child with ADHD that you never imagined.. We certainly don't want any child with or without ADHD displaying this type of behavior. This is always hard to hear about our children.

Is this new behavior for your child or did something happen to make him act this way? What steps did the aftercare program take to help during this situation? Are they educated in dealing with children with ADHD?

Since you will be looking for a new program, I would make a recommendation that you have a discussion with the director about the issues you child has and make sure staff is able to deal with him.

But first how will you be dealing with his behavior? Have you gotten him thearpy? Considered medication? These are all recommendations for children with ADHD to help them control their impulses and deal with their behavior.

I know it is hard to move forward but look for a new place and let's hope they can be trained in how to better deal with your son.

Hope this helps.

Take care,

[MunchkinMommy537 in reply to Onthemove1971]

The program was actually very accommodating and willing to work with us, which is why they didn’t expel him sooner. These are not new behaviors, and they seem to come and go. We talked to them multiple times about what can be done to help him control his outbursts, but nothing ever stuck. He’s on 4 different medications and a medical food specific for ADHD. We’ve been taking him to a psychiatrist regularly to try to figure out the best medication to use (he’s been on 10 or more different medication combinations, all before the age of 6). We tried taking him to a psychologist, but he’s too young to talk about what’s going on. Half the time he didn’t even remember what happened. He’s in a special program with the school system so he only has 3 other kids in his class, which has helped his behavior during the school day. Our problem is finding a cost effective after school program that can manage his behavior. I was supposed to stop working at the end of last year so I could help focus on getting him the therapy he needs, but the owner of the house we were renting for the last 5 years decided to sell, so we ended up buying a house. I couldn’t quit working without knowing if my husband’s salary can support us in this new house, but now I also can’t pick my son up after school. Private “nannies” want $15/hour where I live, and I barely make over that, so I would be working to pay them. I haven’t had any luck finding after school programs specifically for ADHD kids. I’m just so frustrated.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to MunchkinMommy537]

ok so you can prove that his needs are very intense, can you get a behavior Specialist to work with you guys? This should be covered by the state or school, if you find the right program. Or they can help you with an assistant for him, which I would not recommend becuase he will get dependent on the person.

It is great to hear this program was supportive, this means he needs a smaller more supportive program ( less kids, like his school classroom). Are you getting state funding for him SSI? Clearly his needs are greater and it sounds like he could qualify so you could get money to support your family?

Please try to think this will pass ( just a phase now) and if he doesn't remember what he did, he is not trying to do this.

Hope this helps.

What area do you live in?

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Onthemove1971]

Are you familiar with methods to help children control behavior? Has son worked with a behavior Specialist? There are methods that are used for kids that have Autism (not saying your kid has Autism) but you could look at ABA which can teach skills and help to change behaviors. This type of method helps kids through step by step positive reinforcement for good behavior. They are slow and look at what he needs there are a number of Specialist that I think can really help you.

I hear the frustration in your message, but there is help out there for you and I know having him in the right setting or with the right plan he can be successful. He is also so young so we just need to get him to grow up a little.

[MunchkinMommy537 in reply to Onthemove1971]

Actually, he has been diagnosed with mild Autism. It’s hard to know what to focus on sometimes; I feel a lot of his issues are from the ADHD, but I see the signs of Autism as well (echolalia, sensory issues), and I don’t know which one is causing more problems. We have a psychiatrist appointment today and I’m going to see about getting him a different set of medications, and I will ask about ABA therapy in the area. It’s been hard to find anyone who works with kids as young as he is (he turns 6 on the 15th).

[ElinaK35 in reply to MunchkinMommy537]

An ABA therapist should definitely work with a six year old... we were offered ABA therapy when my son was 4 but at the time we couldn't do it... now we had an interview and are awaiting results in term of how many hours insurance will approve for my youngest who is 5 and has Autism. The ABA therapist comes to the house and can even accompany the child in social situation like parties, or trips to the mall... in order to work on behavior. We are actually hoping that the therapist can also come into the school (approval pending) and be with our son in the after care program where I feel he can be a hand full due to such a long school day. Our 10 year old with ADHD and ODD (the one I spoke about in an earlier post) might benefit from ABA as well so we are looking to see if my insurance will give approval for two children in the family. Definitely look into it.

[Momof4blessings]

Oh, my goodness.....I feel your pain and frustration! Wow. Such a tough road. I second what has been discussed in the above conversation. ABA therapy could be a huge help. Has your son ever been thoroughly evaluated for autism? My daughter sounds sooooo similar to your son with the outbursts and physical aggression. We didn't know where it was coming from until we got the diagnosis of autism and ADHD. We immediately began responding to her behavior with ABA principles at home, and it helped tremendously. I hope that helps you some. Hang in there, girl!!! We are hear for you!

[capriwms1]

My son was kicked out of the before and aftercare program in kindergarten and 1st grade. Since it was located at the school it was super convenient. Trying to find a facility that will accommodate him is very difficult. I had the hire a sitter for $15/ per hour, I had no choice. Just like you I barely make much more than what I’m paying a sitter. The worst part is I’m a single parent. I have no idea where he will go this up coming school year. I was upfront about my son having ADHD with a prospective daycare. She wants to see his IEP paperwork to make sure they’re able to accommodate him. I’m pretty sure he will get denied because of his pass with aggression. The teachers and staff at his school can barely assist, so I’m sure daycare is even less likely. People aren’t trained. Maybe after more kids have it they’ll explore getting the training, who knows. My son has a RBT at school, but that doesn’t help before or aftercare. We are in the same boat. Best of luck to you!

[Hidden]

When I read your entry, I immediately thought autism, my son has HFA and his behavior mimicked your son. I was fortunate that the daycare he attended during the highest of his meltdowns didn't remove him from the center, he is in his last year in the after school program before heading to middle school . When my son was going through his moments, a couple of things will set him off. Firstly, I believe the major thing when he was younger, he had difficulties expressing his emotions, it's like a baby who can't tell you I'm wet, I 'm hunger so what do they do, they cry. It is the same with Autism, my son overcame alot with speach therapy, the more he knew how to communicate, the less behavior problems he displayed, secondly, the other issue was transitioning, because they fixate on things, when he is told to put up toys or move to another step, this is when the real violent behaviors happens. I suggest like the other parent mentioned apply for SSI. My son was awarded disability with no money because I earn too much, it's based on the family income how much you could be awarded to help with his cost of care, I will also enroll him into another day care, and discuss those two issues seemly if you notice that's when he has meltdowns. Now my son display crying and shutting down, but we also notice that my son mimic other children who haven't come as far as him, the school has decided in his IEP meeting to place him in a class where the children doesn't display any disability associated with ADHD. I knew that was his new thing when , his teacher mentioned that he used a profanity, the first thing was he heard it from someone, and sure enough there was a kid in the aftercare prgm that would use profanity another time a kid was loud, hyper, super busy what does my son do mimic. My son also will have a male teacher and be surrounded by kids w/out ADHD or other disability and see how this work. Much prays in finding another child care center, also check the school for suggestions, the daycenter who removed your son for suggestions also contact your local children social services office they should have plenty of options.

[MunchkinMommy537 in reply to Hidden]

That sounds a lot like what my son is going through. He was placed in a special class at school with other kids with different issues, and he picked up profanity (we aren’t saints at home, but we are very careful about out language around him). How do you go about applying for SSI? I don’t know that we would qualify with my husband’s income, but I would like to look into it. I’m going to try finding a smaller setting, like an in-home daycare with fewer kids.

[Hidden in reply to MunchkinMommy537]

Same here, my son was placed in a self contained class with children who had disabilities that was sometimes uncontrollable, once they took him out of that class and placed him in a regular class along with the speech therapy three times a week and gave him clues that the class is moving on to something else plus they gave him rewards through out the day for good behaviors. for example they will say Curtis, if you complete your test, you can draw on the back of your test paper, he loves drawing, that's one of his OCD behavior. With consistency that worked, he went from hiding under the desk, falling on the floor making growling sounds, kicking, biting, spiting, throwing etc. and amazingly when my son was going through all of his behaviors at school, not once did the school call me at work and say come get your son, at the end of the day, they will send me a email or text me about his behaviors and I will address it at home. It was that type of teamwork that got him farther from where he began. I "ll give 60% to the teachers he had throughout the school years for his improvements, they took it serious, and worked with him to be able to be manageable through the school day.

The SSI website is ssa.gov/benefits/disability... or just go to ssa.gov. it should direct you how to fill out the form, initially you can fill it out online , it's a lot of detailed info and you need all of his doctor's info, diagnoses, etc ; you will provide several who, what, when, how . Personally, it was much quicker for me to go to the disability department with my paperwork, the site will be able to tell you which one is close to you. It took less than a month to get a response. They sent my son to a psychiatry paid by SSI and he was diagnosed with HFA/ADHD/Anxiety/OCD/ODD. His first diagnose at age 4 was just ADHD, but after several different agencies and school testing we finally got to the diagnoses you see above.

[Drakemom]

Oh my, take a breath, get some rest, tell you child you love them even when you are frustrated and upset and angry... then make phone calls and research when you can. We, also, have been in similar shoes. An option you may look into... we have a program in our area called R.I.P (horrible initials) but it is a regional intervention program. They offer behavior therapy and instructional time for parents/guardians to help them learn the triggers of the behavior, ways to interact with the child to decrease tantrums plus other things. It is free so long as the families give back to the program and come back to offer support and help to other families. It builds a beautiful network of people that you can pull from. Something to think about and maybe look into.

Of course these are my opinions and what I think may not work for you... if you must keep him home after school for a little while maybe look into getting a very responsible high school student to pick him up. This would cost a little less money and they can have fun with him. They can play outside, do crafts, or whatever makes him feel important and gives him a break from being "in trouble"... We had a great highschool student work with our son. She was interested in going into special education. She created a beautiful relationship with my son, it gave him one on one attention and it was a distraction from "being in trouble" Honestly, it gave me a break too from hearing a run down of the strikes against my son.

I also agree with everything the others have said. You can and will get past this hurdle. It will prepare you for the next hurdle. Some hurdles will trip you up and make you fall and you will shed some tears. Know that you are not the only one! Good new is ... you are a super mom!!!

[WendyKirkpatrick]

Hi. Do not be discouraged. You can have your child evaluated for among other things, allergies (some foods and liquids do cause temper issues). A pediatrician can check for certain conditions causing these behaviors. A neurologist can test for any other conditions. I have a 30 year old ADHD son and he did not behave this way (though he had other behaviors that drove the schools crazy). In our society, ADD or ADHD is a "garbage pail" diagnosis and doctors are too quick to prescribe drugs that may not help and could cause side effects. I too am and was a working mother and I know what you are going through. Cutting out sugar and too many carbs can be a good start, and we have had a lot of success with behavior modification techniques. Also be aware that if your child has a diagnosis, throwing him out could be a form of medical discrimination, especially if they did nothing to help him, like the reward system. I was in so much pain when my son was young that I recently wrote and illustrated a book on createspace.com and amazon.com called "I have ADD and I'm Proud to be Me." When we try and understand how the child feels and talk about it at home, that too can help, which is why I wrote the book from the child's perspective. I wish you the best of luck with your child. Wendy Kirkpatrick

[Klau07]

Hey!Do you have him on meds?

[EJsMom]

Hello, I am just writing to say that I understand what you’re feeling. That heartbreak. That sinking feeling in your stomach. I’m so sorry. I know all those horrible behaviors you speak of. I know how painful it is for Mom.

My son was kicked out of multiple daycares and after school programs.

They did not know how to handle him. They did not have the staff. Many of the places hired very young inexperienced people.

I ended up changing jobs so that I could make it work. (I am married now but was single then)

They didn’t see the smart, funny and loving boy, that I could see. They only saw the bad behaviors. I just keep on loving him through it. Many, many times I was the only one who loved him in his life. Teachers and other adults and a lot of kids, just didn’t get him and didn’t want to try.

He is now 14, doing better. He still gets kicked out of school now and then. He still talks out of turn, but he has learned to cope in other ways besides throwing chairs. He’s made some friends.

So I guess it does improve with age.

Hang in there!! Hugs from afar!!

[Onthemove1971 in reply to EJsMom]

such a touching message to remind us to love them even when they are bad, thank-you...

[MunchkinMommy537]

Thank you everyone for your kind responses. I was able to call around and found out that my regular baby sitter is available to watch him after school. We’ve used her for several years, so my son knows her and she knows him. Now we just have to figure out transportation from the school to the house.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to MunchkinMommy537]

Such a great solution, now just keeping them busy until school starts. It will all work out and promise you he will be a different child 1 year from now. I know you have a full plate, but if you or your IEP have not considered it, OT (Occupational Thearpy) might also be very helpful once school gets started...

I am sure you feel much better about this option for him.

We are all here for you when you need us.

Best of luck!

[MunchkinMommy537 in reply to Onthemove1971]

Luckily they started school today 🙌. We should have an IEP meeting here in the next couple of weeks and I will suggest OT. He definitely had a better first day this year than last year (I was in tears when we left last year). His teacher even walked him out to the car today to tell me personally that he had a great day. So it’s not as dire as it seemed on Tuesday, but we still have a little way to go.