Holding back 1st grader

[Van3939]

My sons teacher reported that it might be a good idea to hold him back to 1st grade again because his attention issues have put him behind. Anyone have experience with this? Either holding their child back or opting to go against recommendations and moving child forward as scheduled?

[Chigger01]

I would most likely agree. 1. I have seen first hand on several children how this can help and the earlier the better (had a friend do it at grade 4 and it still worked) . 2. I was always the youngest in class and would have benefited greatly had I been held back--socially and academically.

[Onthemove1971]

Van3939-

Thanks for sharing, many of us struggle with this same issue you are NOT alone. Let me give you a few thoughts:

Does your child have an educational plan 504/IEP addressing these issues? Also does his teacher know what the best intervention are for him. .. Just curious, why you are not having him use medication, if what the teacher says is related to the things that medication will help. Please consider if you have not yet having a educational assessment to really sees where his weaknesses are. I will say one last thing, please think about what will happen if you move him on, will he contuine to get "more" behind or not able to keep up. Also think about 5-10 years from now and how that decision will impact him then ( besides he know he was healed back.

Hope these thoughts help.

[Van3939 in reply to Onthemove1971]

We are in the process of getting an official diagnosis. We have an appointment in 2 weeks with a psychologist. I’m a social worker and my gut says it’s adhd inattentive type.

[anirush]

My grandson have a late birthday and in hindsight I wish we had kept him back a year starting school. But you said again does this mean you've already kept him back once? Does that mean he'll be 2 years ahead of everybody else age wise in his class. And how does your son feel about this, is this going to hurt his self esteem?

I agree with getting the behavioral plans in place to help him move on.

[Grnmtnmama]

We asked to have our son held back after kindergarten and his school wouldn’t. This was before he was diagnosed, but oh I wish I had pushed for it! He has an August birthday so he’s young for his class, and remember ADHD kids are often 2 to 3 years behind their peers emotionally. And this gets harder for them to manage in second, third, and fourth grade. Good luck!

[Gts314]

Biggest regret is not holding my son back. He's a year younger than most in his grade and even more behind bc of the ADHD. It becomes more obvious the older they get (he's 14 and in 9th grade now). Academically and socially the best gift you can give your child is the gift of time...

[seller]

My son had a late June birthday, and I wish we had held him back. Boys are often immature for their age and ADHD boys even more so. Do it now - it's much better to be held back from kindergarten or first grade than one of the later grades.

[Onthemove1971]

This message is more for the group. I have not seen research on children with ADHD and "redshirting" ( this means to hold them back). But all of the studies I have seen say it doesn't make a difference at the end of high school the out come is the same.

Our son is 12 years old and in 7th grade( Calgon take me away!). He has a early Sept. Birthday and my husband is very regretful we did not hold him out ( even though everyone said send him) before he started school. So make sure he was 6+ before he established friends and went through life. I will say we would most likely be experiencing the same issues. In so many ways our son is beyond his years, mainly sports but some moral issues, so I am not sure I agree with keeping him back. When he puts his all in he really learns well with A+'s. Motivation and drive are HUGE! The reality is medication can't help that so that is why we see a therapist regularly.

Hope this discussion helps, like everything else such hard choices and so much stress.

Take care!

[abryans in reply to Onthemove1971]

I think you are right- the research does not show a benefit to holding kids back and there are often negative social consequences. The most important thing is why is the child falling behind and what interventions should be implemented so the child is successful? Sometimes repeating a year is another year of the child not learning. If they do repeat a year, there must be a different teacher and effective supports.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to abryans]

Thank you for seeing this side of it. The over and over is not good. Interventions could make the difference

[Hidden]

In third grade, we held my daughter back because of the math issues. Had no idea she was ADHD. She is a february baby, so she is always going to be a year and a half older. She is twelve now and in 5th grade. This is the first year that I have REALLY noticed how much taller and more mature she is than her classmates. She definitely notices it now, but I think it's ok. I wish we knew about the ADHD before we held her back. Is there any other option that holding him back for two years?

[Testarossa1975]

My son struggled in kindergarten to learn to recognize the letters of the alphabet, so I thought he had a learning disability. The school psychologist said testing for learning disabilities isn’t effective until age 7. My son did makes some progress, and I didn’t want to hold him back in kindergarten because I thought it was too eearly to tell.

In first grade he was very inconsistent with his work, and for much of the year he was below grade level standards. My inclination was to hold him back but toward the end of the year the teacher said the school wouldn’t do that since he had made progress and was just meeting the minimum for grade level standards. I still had reservations, but I had known this teacher for several yesrs and respected her judgement.

The first half of second grade was similar to first grade, but this was the year when I started to thinking he might have adhd and I had him evaluated.

He was diagnosed with adhd, and he made significant improvement immediately after beginning stimulant medication. However, by the end of the year, my gut still said he needed to be held back. My reasons for this were not simply academic; I wasn’t looking for him to be ahead of his peers either.

I really noticed that he was seeming more and more immature than his peers. I started to think about how this gap could very well widen each year, and I thought this would really impact him in middle school when expectations for independence increase and greater differences in maturity could have a negative impact on him socially

So I held him in back in the second grade. We did change schools, because I was not happy with our school and didn’t think it was the best place for my son to thrive and reach his potential. I have not regretted for one moment the decision to hold him back and change schools. These were the right decisions for my son.

I would definitely encourage you to consider your intuition about your decision, because as parents we have insight about our kids that the school system does not. I think you could postpone the decision until 2nd grade when you have had more time to observe and see how a diagnosis and treatment works out. I think each year after 2nd grade gets harder on the kid socially.

Regarding your child’s physical height and size, this is something that may still be relevant part of your decision. My son is exceptionally small for his age, so having him stand out in later years was not a concern at all. His chronological age was a consideration because he has a July birthday, so now he is one of the oldest in the class instead of the youngest which helps lessen the gap in his maturity.

He is now in 5th grade and is still less mature than his peers, but he is doing well academicallly and socially. Each year up to this point, I believe the same trend of him being less mature and able to handle the same level of responsibility as his peers has continued in the same manner it would have had we not held him back. However, I think moving him closer to where he was developmentally in the early school years gave him the opportunity to experience success and gain confidence in his abilities. It also gave me a little more time to figure out how to get the necessary supports for him in place.

Many people, including the principal at our first school., will point out that kids who are held back lose the gains they made in early elementary by high school and that they are statistically more likely to drop out of school. The first part might be true on average academically, but the average does not take into an account what an individual can do given a high level of effective support supports. Regarding drop out rates. I am not sure that claim would take in account any treatments or supports a child is or is not given to help them succeed. I have also heard that kids with adhd have a higher dropout rate, but I imagine that many are not receiving treatment. The bottom line is we have to do what we think is best given what we know at the time and continue to support and connect with our kids through their difficulties.

[mvang03]

Yes holding him back was to his benefit not mine. He was struggling in 2nd and was suppose to be in 3rd this year however his birthday is later in August. I had a talk with him and his older sisters about how his brain works different and it was best for him to have a do over of 2nd grade because in 3rd grade they learn new things and lots of testing. He was not too happy. I believe he is doing better repeating this grade & now on medication.