Advice

[beejstar]

I need advice on how to really engage in discussion and start teaching my son about ADD and engage him in his own learning. Right now I feel I talk to him about brain biology and neural pathways but I haven’t gone into ADD or ADHD. My son is 10 and he’s really starting to notice he’s different and that he’s slow in school. I think he feels alone and stupid... my heart is broken.

Can anyone tell me their favourite books or websites. I’m just not sure how to make this transition. He’s not diagnosed. I feel like anxiety and depression are nipping at our heels in a big way if I don’t do something. Any advice would be helpful

[reg2018]

I really like the online magazine ADDitude because there are tons of articles about ADHD. You can search for topics and find the ones that will help you with the issues you are dealing with. Here's the link: additudemag.com/category/pa... Talking to our kids about their ADHD is important so they have a context for the things they are struggling with. This means having the conversation over and over, not just one time.

I had to talk with my twelve year old just yesterday about his ADHD and what it meant in terms of some mistakes he had made at school. It was heart-breaking to watch him cry and say "I'll never be honest." I reminded him that he's made great progress in being honest. Having ADHD means it's harder to pause and think before acting. But I told him I have confidence that he can continue to work on his honesty and we came up with a plan of how he could do that.

[beejstar in reply to reg2018]

I will definitely look into that! Thanks so much. Is your son diagnosed? Mine isn’t, but he fits the attention deficit category big time and his learning is really compromised. He’s been to a paediatrician, but I’m not even sure how to go about getting a diagnosis or if we want to do that. It’s a weird position to be in because I don’t want to attach the label to him especially since he’s not diagnosed but I want him to know he’s not alone and that many other people have similar struggles. I feel like the discussions and strategies are watered down.... we are struggling for sure. I wonder if change and learning is limited without really embracing the label...

[reg2018 in reply to beejstar]

I have three boys diagnosed with ADHD (two with hyperactivity and one with inattention). My youngest has also had neuropsychological testing done which has helped to identify learning deficits such as memory impairment, a lower average IQ and difficulty with math and comprehension.

There are negative stereotypes which are associated with ADHD, but at the same time, having a diagnosis and testing can help with understanding what is really going on, what the symptoms are and how to move forward.

The other thing to consider with regards to getting diagnosed is that other conditions can look like ADHD, things like sensory processing disorders, Bipolar Disorder, Autism, sleep disorders and more. It's why getting tested is so important to rule out other conditions (and potentially diagnose other conditions).

[ZosMom in reply to beejstar]

I struggled for a long time about getting my son diagnosed. I knew what was going on but I too didn’t want a label attached to him. But now, I’m glad we know he has adhd because we have a name for what has been going on, we’ve been able to formally get him help at school and his therapist knows what to focus on. It’s not an easy decision but was worth it for us.

[beejstar]

My son had a psych ed done and he was average in most areas, above average in spatial awareness but low in processing and problem solving. There has not been a push to get a diagnosis so far but I am feeling he needs more understanding and his struggles are very typical non hyperactive ADD. I feel like he would grow so much more and wouldn’t feel so flawed if he understood more... he’s trying so hard but his success has been limited. My husband really worries about labeling and the fear it will be an excuse for him and that he will set limitations on himself due to a label. This is so hard. I feel like he’s smart enough for us to explore it honestly together but I worry I may go down a road that could lead to negative things and it would be all because I made a wrong choice... my husband and his family are not feeling the same way as I am so it’s super tough. I would be engaging in topics of conversation without their support.

[Aniusia in reply to beejstar]

You might be ok without diagnosis (labeling) for now , I understand. I was the same way. Unfortunately things get harder, there is more studying, more social interactions. Without some accommodations that diagnosis allows you to have, it is very difficult for kids to go through school. My son is smart, gets A, if he remembers to study, and getting him to sit down and study is all another story. We just diagnosed him few months ago, he is 13 now. Good luck to you and your boy.

[beejstar in reply to Aniusia]

Thank you. And good luck to you as well. It’s so hard seeing these wonderful little people struggle.

[Cjbjo]

I need advice on how to deal with my 15 year old stealing liquor and cigarettes with his friends.

[beejstar in reply to Cjbjo]

Have you read “Hold onto your kids! Why parents need to matter more than peers.”By Gordon Neufeld?

It’s a very good book and it may give you some ideas.

[seller in reply to Cjbjo]

Where is he stealing the liquor from? Find a cabinet and lock up all liquor, guns, drugs, money, etc. Lock your bedroom door. You probably can't stop him from smoking outside the house, but tell him no smoking inside. I am very sorry to tell you that you have very little control at this point in his life - part of it is the usual teenage thing, but ADHD teens seem to be more defiant. I would have a brief chat with him about the consequences of the drinking/smoking.....not a long talk and I don't think it's worth trying to get him to see the error of his ways. But you have to come up with what will happen if he gets arrested, comes home drunk, or something else like that.

[Cstreet in reply to Cjbjo]

ADD is strongly associated with addiction. We have told our son he is at higher than normal risk for addiction and that alcoholism runs on both sides of his family. I told him i had diffictly quitting nicotine. So far his only addiction is videogames and food. At 18. But he doesn't have much social life.

[dredoug02]

I found a video on YouTube discussing ADHD and we sat together and watch. After the video we had a discussion.

[seller]

The first thing you have to do is get him formally diagnosed. This is the only way that you will be able to request services at school, etc. And I would forget the brain biology - he's 10 and this may sound much scarier than it actually is. If it turns out that he does have ADHD,, then be up-front about it. There's a good chance he's already heard about kids with it. Be honest and matter- of- fact. Don't make a big deal about it, but he will almost certainly have to take daily medication. There are many kids out there who take meds for all kinds of things - allergies, seizures, diabetes, etc. This is just another disorder that requires medication. I think your son will feel much better if he is diagnosed and can start getting some additional help at school along with the correct medication. Check out Russell Barkley books.

[beejstar in reply to seller]

I understand what you are saying. I do think heading in the direction of a diagnosis is where we should go but it is very hard when I am the only adult in our family that feels this way. He does get support at school because he has a designated learning disability. We have tried meds but have not had success. He has used them and we didn’t notice a huge difference but his dosage has never been on point. He doesn’t want to use them, he had sleep issues with one trial. I feel like we need to dig deeper... thanks for your thoughts, we will keep having these discussions at home. Which book/books specifically do you recommend?

[seller]

You don't say what medications you have tried, but there are many options out there now and you may have to try several before you find the right "fit". Unfortunately, the accommodations for learning disabilities may not be the ones he needs for ADHD, so he may need a different IEP or 504 for the ADHD. Medication is the best option for helping him get through school. There are all kinds of other interventions, like tutors, IEP's, therapy, etc. but the stimulant meds are your first line of defense. There are side effects, but the pros outweigh the cons by a huge margin. Your son has a neurological disorder that is not going to go away. If he had diabetes, you would work hard to make sure he was medication properly. ADHD is no different and will likely required life-long management. My son is 23 now and finally in college (again!) and he now realizes he can't do school without his meds, but it was a long road with many bumps along the way.

[Laura_rambaran80]

I'm in the same position as u are , my daughter has add but just focusing issues sweet child I hate , that i put her on guanfacine , debate that everyday. How ever I see improvement with her , and she see' s that too , I pray one day that I can take her off it ,it really puts one in a difficult position, I really hope things wrk out for u and ure child ..

[beejstar in reply to Laura_rambaran80]

I hear you on that. When we first started trying meds it was terrifying. He was on a stimulant called Biphentitn and I can’t remember the name of the other one he tried but it was basically the same only not time released.

I’m not against meds. If we found it worked for him I would push a little harder. But He didn’t like it so I didn’t pressure him. I’ve suggested trying different kinds and so far he’s not interested. I feel like we need more information and education. I know every persons situation varies. It’s hard to know what the right decision is. I have really appreciated all the empathy and advice I’ve gotten so far. Thanks for all the comments and support.

[Laura_rambaran80 in reply to beejstar]

I knw tel me abt it so difficult ...hope everything works out ..

[anirush]

I bought my grandson a book called Journal of an ADHD kid. It was written by a teen with ADHD. They wrote about their dealing with it and then had questions that the reader could fill in about their own ADHD. He felt he got a lot out of that book.

[Teresa12626]

There is a book called all dogs have adhd that I have heard a lot of people use to explain to there kids about adhd

[Cstreet]

I tell my kid the ADD brain is superior in a crisis and in cave-man situations like being alert to danger. Without adrenaline, we have trouble paying attention. My son and i are best in crises, worst at boring stuff.