New Here! Looking for support

[KatieJChiara]

Our 6yo son was recently diagnosed with ADD (Inattentive type) and also borderline Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD). He is adopted from China and just celebrated his 3rd year home. He also has Cerebral Palsy which affects both legs and uses crutches to walk. In the last year he has had major spinal surgery, moved houses, switched schools, repeated kindergarten and added a new infant brother to his life. We have 5 kids (4bio) and I feel often like we are succeeding in parenting, but also like we are failing terribly our 6yo. I feel like my relationship with him in mostly correction/discipline and we have been so focused on attachment that parenting through all of his various needs becomes a huge challenge.

I would love to connect with other parents especially those parenting a child who is adopted or has CP as I feel these issues compound the parenting stress. We are also trying to figure out meds and knowing someone has been through this on the CP side as well as the ADHD side would be extremely helpful.

I am just finding my footing here so any help/advice would be so greatly appreciated!

[AngelamarieQ]

Wow! That's a huge undertaking and I applaud you for having such a big heart and giving your adopted son the best opportunity to live his life surrounded by a wonderful family that showers him with love.

I have an adopted daughter from Colombia who has ADHD. She has a charming personality and she is very bright. the big issues with her are her executive functions and anxiety. She also has oppositional defiance, but is getting more manageable with meds, cognitive behavioral therapy and educating ourselves and enforcing rules, structure and consequences. Thus, you have shown your son you love him that doesn't mean he can get away with anything he does. However, it is very challenging for me to advice since I don't know much about CP and his cognitive challenges. It is best to seek professional help/ special education therapist to help you find balance at home and at school.

My best friend has a daughter with CP and mental retardation. She is now 21 and we still treat her as a 6 year old girl. She has had many surgeries( spine and hip) and seizures. Med has helped her but since she can't talk, my friend has to translate her symptoms by acute observation of side effects, such as: one med was weakening muscle tone as she was walking sideways and wasn't chewing as usual. A mother knows best. Her husband couldn't tell. I have watched her live her life based on her daughter's needs and her other son, who is normal and excelling in the university, right now.

Hang in there, God doesn't give you more than what you can't handle. This is part of your mission in life. God bless you

[KatieJChiara in reply to AngelamarieQ]

Thanks so much for this response. We have a great team of doctors, therapists and teachers on our side which is helpful. The mix of diagnosis are so difficult to tease apart and treat well. Our son's CP does not affect his mental capacity. However, jt's also difficult because some days it feels like he's doing so well with his education and social skills and the next day he's functioning at least 3 years younger. It's a roller coaster that we don't have safety bars for! I'm hoping groups like this will help provide me with a good set of expectations and help me let go of the control I thought I had already given over.