I am new here and am looking for advice.

[Bethany11]

I have an amazing 7 year old son who is full of life and is extremely intelligent. He was recently diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. One of my struggles is when he gets on his "impulsivity train" as I call it and will not listen and starts to become defiant (talking back, saying rude things, etc). He acts and speaks without thinking about what he is doing or saying. I get frustrated that he is not listening and we tend to go round and round. He knows that what he is saying and doing is not good behavior and is not ok, but it is hard to get him to actually stop. I am not sure how to effectively get him out of this cycle without both of us getting worked up. I have noticed that this tends to be worse when he is tired and especially at the end of the day when it is time for bed. We have a routine for bedtime, however it does not always work to get him to unwind. Any suggestions or advice on things I can try? I am feeling lost in how to deal with him and myself during these times. Thank you!

[JDsmom]

Hello, My son is 9 and is similar to yours, very smart, great personality but sometimes he just can't help it maybe he's tired, or had a bad day at school. It's a balance of not accepting freshness/bad behaviour and also understanding he can't always control things. In my house, we've learned to stay calm but to respond to the behavior usually by asking our son to go to his room to regroup. Then we give him time to think about his actions and we follow up with a brief discussion about why he was sent to his room. We don't yell, we don't turn it into a big ordeal and it really gives him time to reflect and he always ends up apologizing to us. I hope this helps.

[Bethany11 in reply to JDsmom]

Thank you! We have been working on not raising our voices or yelling. This does help. I am working hard on making sure I demonstrate the behaviors we want to see in him. The challenging part is when he will not even stay in his room. Thank you for your tips!

[rrichardson]

Sometimes you have to choose your battles. A child wants attention, whether it is good or bad. Arguing and trying to reason with a child having a "moment" is a waste of energy. My suggestion is to remove yourself from the situation until you are both calm and can talk about the issue.

[LImadden]

We have a 9 year old and discovered that the arguing is his brain trying for the dopamine that is lacking. Ours argues for the sake of arguing doesn't matter the topic. We tend to just let it drop as we now know he is unable to control that side. He will usually understand if we state we both need some quiet time to regroup. We have found that taking melatonin at night prior to bedtime reduces this effect some. We also have a bedtime reading and then guided meditation that helps get this under control (Peace Out is amazing).

[Bethany11 in reply to LImadden]

Thank you for the tips! We are working on having an even better bedtime routine. We have not tried the melatonin, and had not thought of that before. I will look into that as well as the guided mediation. Thank you so much!

[ha11 in reply to Bethany11]

rewards n hugs always help

[Love11]

Hi-My son also has similar impulsivity behavior issues. He is in kindergarten. I had a hard time giving him timeouts for these behaviors at home because he just wouldn’t sit and it didn’t seem to help him. So instead I incorporated it into his reward system that was already in place. I have a jar and Pom poms that we bought from the craft store. When he fills the jar he gets a reward like going somewhere fun. Also I give rewards for every quarter that the pom pons fill up in the jar so he gets a smaller reward along the way which keeps him motivated. The are smaller rewards like extra hour of tv or he gets to play a game with me or extra books read to him at night. He gets to choose. It also works with his behavior chart that I get home from school daily. On the behavior chart the teacher records each half hour on two things keeping his hands to himself and following directions. she gives him smiley faces and sad faces depending on his behavior. And at home iI will give him Pom poms when he is cooperative, when he has a positive attitude about doing things, when he is kind and caring to others etc... it helps me tremendously because he already knows what behaviors are acceptable and what aren’t. For me having a discussion over and over again about things he understands got tiring. We have been doing this for about a month now and things have been much more smooth at home. He still had his moments but they aren’t as tiring. Hope this helps. 😊