13 year old daughter diagnosed with ADHD

[Magsdowney]

My 13 year old daughter was just diagnosed with ADHD. I can not get over the fact that I didn't know she had it! Years of thinking she was difficult, reactive, exhausting, her behavior ruining family events, herself non-stop talking, constant fighting with siblings, constant friend difficulties, and I still didn't know! I have been "managing" her for so long that I thought this is just who she is. How can apologize to her for all the times I lost my patience with her; punished her; and just plainly couldn't stand to be around her, and she knew it. I am afraid that her low self esteem and daily problems are all my fault for not knowing and getting her help sooner. How can I turn this around? I love her very much and provide a stable and loving home. I feel like she and I have to start anew , I just know where to start and if the damage between us is done. It goes without saying but I love my daughter very much and am so ashamed I didn't know /recognize signs sooner. - Margaret

[MomofR]

First off .. do not beat yourself up over this. It doesn’t surprise me that she wasn’t diagnosed until now. My daughter was diagnosed in middle school as well. I. Grade school they have one teacher that usually keeps them managed. In middle school with more classes, more teachers and more to manage it all seems to come to a head. My daughter goes to counseling. I also hired an academic coach to teach her executive functioning skills and she takes her meds daily..

I think just a simple apology to your daughter stating that you love her and do wish she would have been diagnosed earlier is all.. don’t take the blame for not knowing.. once she adjusts to her medication things will be better for the most part. You will still need to use those managing skills in the evening when they wear off and if she has trouble sleeping I suggest melatonin and sleepy time tea.

[ChristinaR1967 in reply to MomofR]

Hello, you mentioned an academic coach to help teach executive functioning skills? Is that a tutor or something different? I'd love to get something like that for my son.

[Adam081911 in reply to ChristinaR1967]

Yes.... I'm also curious what executive functioning skill coach is.