Frustrated 13 year old child

[Wendyloree]

My 13 year old daughter has an IEP for school. Help and support is available for her but she will not use it and she says, " I do not need help, I can manage it" She sees a therapist and suffers with ADHA. She gets frustrated at herself (because we know she struggles). As her mother I feel so helpless and do not know what to do.

[Hidden]

What I have found needs to happen in situations like this (where kids refuse the help and support we know they need) is that whatever it is that is going wrong has to become a problem for HER, not just for you. In other words, she needs to feel the sting of the consequences of her choices so she can get to the point where she doesn't like her results enough that she's motivated to change (i.e., get/use the help available to her.) I have lots of information on my website about this. You can start with this article: parentcoachjoyce.com/teen-s... and this article: parentcoachjoyce.com/helpin...

Hope that helps!

[Wendyloree in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much and thank you so much. I will check out your website.

[Aniusia]

Same problem here! I always tell my son that he should take advantage of the services available to him. Use it! School will be easy! But he does not see it that way. It comes with maturity imho. Hopefully around college they will start thinking differently. But how to survive until that time ?

[Wendyloree in reply to Aniusia]

Thank you for sharing your situation with us. It is difficult to back off because you hate to see them struggle knowing that help is there. I am glad I am feeling alone on this subject.

[Wendyloree in reply to Aniusia]

I agree that I am supposed to back away but it so difficult. Guess it comes with maturity.

Thanks you so much

[Onthemove1971]

Wendyloree it sounds so frustrating..

Can you fine her an older High School kid that is successful, like a junior or a support group that can help build her confidence? I really think she need to see someone that is using helps and is successful.

Best of luck with your struggles

[Wendyloree in reply to Onthemove1971]

That is a great option! I will check into that when she transitions to high school, since she is an upcoming grade 8 student

Thank you so much

[kuntz2boys]

Oh my gosh! It sounds like you’re talking about my 14 year old son! I agree with Joyce. It’s better she suffers the consequences now, when they are smaller. It’s so hard to do because you hate to see your kid fail. It has been such a rollercoaster with my son the last few years! The more I push, the harder he pushes back! Let her make her choices, but let her know you are available when she needs help. It needs to be her problem, and then you can maybe regain some of your sanity and energy back. I know I felt like giving up all the time, but Mothers tend to have that drive that makes them go crazy because they love their kids too much and will risk themselves for their kids. I know exactly how you feel! I have felt I have nothing left in me and feel absolutely miserable and defeated! I’ve asked my son if he enjoys feeling angry all the time and loves living this way, because I certainly don’t! He said he didn’t, but it looked like he really thought about it first, for a moment! I actually just had his meds changed because I saw no difference in him when we experimented and took him off them for a few weeks. It was methylphenidate, so there were no risks (except my f@&*ing sanity!!). I brought it up at his last psychiatrist (med check) appt, and he agreed that maybe there needed to be a change, and let me tell you, it’s like night and day! The last week I’ve actually waited for an explosion from him...and there hasn’t been! It’s like a frickin miracle! Good luck to you! And I’m sorry this is so long, but I get it! You shouldn’t be working harder than her. And you need to worry about you and your happiness, cuz this is no way to live! Kids can act like real jerks sometimes! Take care of you and do something nice for yourself......you deserve it!!

[Taneisha_]

I’m that same way with a7yr old she doesn’t like the help offered at times an she gets so frustrated with herself an she will say things like i wish i wasn’t born my back is against the wall

[Wendyloree in reply to Taneisha_]

Wow that is tough Taneisha, and I don't have a reply but I do suggest speaking with your child's doctor.

Good luck from Wendy

[anirush]

Welcome to teens with ADHD. They all seem to be crabby all the time. We too are talking about a med change when we go next week. He has a quicksilver temper that I'm tired of putting up with