feeling overwhelmed

[Girlmama1221]

My 9 year old daughter was diagnosed ADHD at 6. We have had her on medication ever since, and besides slight weight loss, she's done mostly well. I struggle myself with feelings of overwhelm regarding her ADHD. I just wish I could take it away. She's my first child, and I feel like her childhood has been clouded by the ADHD always lurking in the background. Constantly thinking about the medicine, med checks, is she coping well, is she losing too much weight, will she do okay this school year, how will this affect her as she ages..... etc. frankly, it sucks. It's not fair. I know she's far from alone with having it, even my husband has it. But, why do I still feel as devastated now as I did when she got the diagnosis?

[ADHDASDMama]

Because she is your baby and because you want to take it all away for her. I hear you, I too feel like I am in constant worry mode. But it will be OK. She will be ok. You are doing your best for her and advocating for her. Pat yourself on the back for being the best mama you can be for her. Take a deep breath and know this feel will pass. Sending a big hug your way.

[momwifedaughtersis]

Hi there, it sounds like you might be struggling with grief - maybe from the loss of the “normal” childhood / motherhood experience you had expected, that maybe you haven’t had time or opportunity to really process and work through? I think society feeds us these idealistic images and ideas about family life, that are unrealistic and unachievable for so many of us. I don’t know about your daughter’s behaviors but my son’s ADHD is utterly exhausting, and put together with work and running a household, other kids, etc… I think overwhelm is sadly the usual state! Especially if your partner is ADHD - you are probably carrying so much on your shoulders. For us, summer is so hard with disrupted routines, etc.

I can’t remember where I read the analogy about having a neurodiverse kid… it’s like all your life you dreamed about traveling to Italy, but when you finally departed for the trip you were diverted to the Netherlands. So yes, it sucks to miss Italy bc it’s awesome, but Netherlands can be really good too, in a different way, if you can get past the disappointment about Italy. I hope that doesn’t seem condescending or critical <3

I agree wholeheartedly with ADHDASDMama, sounds like you are a great mom and doing the very best for your daughter - she is lucky to have you! I have heard parents of college age kids saying their ADHD kids are doing great compared to neurotypical siblings. Hope you find some comfort here - many parents can relate! Hugs to you

[KidsNkitties]

I can relate so much with what your saying. The struggle is real and it’s a much different parenting style needed for adhd kids. The energy, organization and consistency to keep these kids on tract can be overwhelming and exhausting. You are not alone though it feels that way at times, that’s a big part of why I visit this message board.

[2ADHDkids]

I know how to feel. As with so many of the posts on here, you could have taken the words right out of my mouth. My oldest is almost ten, but was only diagnosed at 9...and it's been a struggle for years to understand her behaviors and how to support her. My youngest is 7 and, because we were armed with the knowledge from the first, she was diagnosed a few months ago. You're right, it's not fair, and I try to validate my 9-year-old when she says the same. I tell myself that we are providing her with the tools, skills, meds, etc. to even out the playing field when she is older. Thinking "things good be worse" doesn't help, but it does give me optimism and solace to know that I am doing all of this for her now, and she won't have to fumble through it all alone as an adult. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, and it will get easier.

[eva2022]

I hear you. For me, it’s the absolute ‘unrelentingness’ of ADHD. Helped your child tidy up his space? Have to do it again 3O mins later. Have a reward for good behavior? Have to do it again 3O mins later. Have a consequence for poor behavior? Have to do it again 3O mins later. Fixed a hole in the drywall? Whoops, there’s another one. And it goes on for years. I feel tired, too.

It’s the end of summer…I think that this time is tough. It’s hot, kids are a little restless, I’m restless…it’s just getting through right now.

[Knitting20projects in reply to eva2022]

Definitely!!! I think I remember you and I live near each other? Our weather is very hot and unbearable this week. Ugh!!!!

[eva2022 in reply to Knitting20projects]

Yes! It makes everyone on edge!

[CrgMom]

Hi. Thank you for sharing. I can absolutely relate. There is so much information out there. It’s overwhelming. I don’t seem to find any power in knowledge where ADHD is concerned. I feel sad, cheated. Afraid for my daughter. So many questions.

[MyWanderfulBoy]

Hi! I’m just here for solidarity. I, too, feel this way almost daily. Both my oldest and my husband have ADHD. My son is almost 7 and going into 2nd grade and on medication. Meds have helped but they only help him concentrate better in class. All of this is really overwhelming, that feeling is totally valid. What helps me sometimes is trying to see the positives in it.. the gifts/superpowers that ADHD brings. Watching the documentary The Disruptors was a big help for me (to try to reframe my thinking) as it focuses on how it’s more of an asset than a hinderance. Do I still feel that grief sometimes? Absolutely. But I recommended watching that in hopes that it gives you a glimmer of hope for the future.

[GoDukes]

I hear you! It's exhausting but the effort is worth it. You are their biggest advocate and they need your support as they have so much self doubt related to ADHD. My son was diagnosed at 7 and is now 14 going into high school. We struggled finding the right meds and helping him understand self control. The pandemic was a nightmare. He still has some issues and is developmentally behind some other kids his age but he is in such a better place now. I attribute that to finding the right meds combo and him just maturing. We have tried to provide him with unconditional love and support through the years to keep his self esteem up and as the maturity is starting to catch up, he is showing so much improvement. I just hope our story gives you some hope! It is exhausting and hard but you will be glad you put the effort in and someday your daughter will understand and appreciate the effort too. Good luck!

[Knitting20projects]

It definitely feels unfair, as a parent, knowing your child has a lifelong condition that affects all aspects of life. I am going to express a possibly unpopular opinion that ADHD is no superpower. I have it, and I grieve for the challenges it has caused me (I was diagnosed quite recently and now understand that not everyone had to work incredibly hard to be on time, etc, etc). I will say, though, that getting your child diagnosed early is a big gift in self knowledge, advocacy, and understanding. He/she will have better self esteem and compassion than those of us diagnosed as adults!!!! But I understand the chronic grief and the constant worry. Hugs and best wishes to everyone on the board.