Why does my son act out so much at hockey!

[Marin2011]

We do a few extracurricular activities. Hockey and Karate in the winter. It is bizarre that every time my son is in the hockey dressing room he is either rude or disrespectful to me or my husband who is helping him get dressed. My son I is 7 and was diagnosed at 5 with ADHD and potentially ODD. He is SO rude and disrespectful it is embarrassing. It’s weird he is fine at karate? This fall has been rough and he is really struggling with school this year spelling and math in particular! My husband thinks we should pull hi from hockey and consider medication? Any thoughts?

[MomOfAMermaid]

Hi - hugs for you and your husband. Isn't it difficult with ADHD to determine the times when ADHD impacts an experience or when the behavior is normal for the child's age? I too have noticed with my daughter (age 6.5) that she increasingly talks very disrespectfully to me when I am there to "help" her and she is embarrassed when I am the only parent there "helping" when other kids do not need that same level of support. I believe it crushes her desire for "normal" independence at this age. I wonder if the disrespect comes from his awareness that at this time he needs your support when maybe others do not? I can tell you that we did everything but mediation for a year and a half and decided to go with medication earlier this year because she was not as successful as she could be in school and she was angry because she was not able to have the same level of independence as her friends. For example, we could not let her participate in kid faith events or after school activities because of the level of independence it required. Now with the support of medication we can. I don't know if this helps, but I do with you and your family all the best!

[KKMom]

It can be so embarrassing. Especially when this happens around other parents. At times, I wish I could explain to them that this is not the way it looks and that he has an illness. I often think of a comment that my son's psychiatrist reminds me of. If a diabetic child was acting unusual because of a low sugar, no one would think you are a terrible parent and I would never let my child behave like that. My son is almost 11 now and was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD at 5. Karate is more about discipline that hockey which might be the issue. We have not played hockey or football mainly for that reason. Soccer as been our go to. He runs alot while still having the team aspect. It is not has violent as some of the other sports. He also did basketball which was fine too but really preferred soccer. As far as medication, we tried no medication during Kindergarten but it was really terrible so we did eventually put him on medication for ADHD. Most of his issues however are due to ODD which his ADHD medication helps minimally with. My son's biggest struggle is with his need for perfection. When he isn't able to be perfect at in his mind he shuts down and disrespect comes out as a deflector off of him. Hang in there and blessings to you and your family

[Marin2011 in reply to KKMom]

Thank you so much for the reply! Our stories sound so familiar! Has your son been on medication since he was 5/6 did it help with school? And spelling?

[KKMom in reply to Marin2011]

Certainly, we all need to stick together because it is a bumpy road. Yes, he has been on medication since the end of Kindergarten. We have a good regimen now but it took awhile to determine which medication and combination he needed to be on for the best outcome. He was getting in trouble all of the timeand kicked out twice in kindergarten. Once we started medication, he was able to focus so much better and control some of his ODD issue. He does well with spelling and math. He does have an IEP for his behavior and for reading which has helped. He has a hard time transitioning from one subject to another but the teachers have helped to work through that with him. Take care!

[Danseuse in reply to Marin2011]

My son struggled with reading and spelling starting in kindergarten and was diagnosed in 1st grade. For a year he received educational therapy one or twice a week but saw little improvement academically or socially even though he tested very intelligent. He just couldn't focus enough to learn. Everything turned around once I agreed to go the medication route. We are so lucky to live in a time where ADHD is recognized and treated. When I grew up kids with these challenges, like my brothers, never got treatment and suffered academically and with their self esteem. They never finished or even started college.

[ADHDforever in reply to KKMom]

Thanks for such a supportive reply. I actually stumbled across this post and your reply looking for information about Matt Petgrave and whether he had ever publicly talked about ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD as a child and I cringe about some of the things I did and saw as a young child playing hockey. Overall soccer was a more positive experience but I worry about both sports and how Traumatic Brain Injuries could intensify the symptoms of ADHD over time. As a child, I played hockey, rugby, and soccer. Now as an adult I worry about whether some of my mental challenges are a result of head injuries or ADHD.

Matt Petgrave is the player who fatally slashed the throat of Adam Johnson in an EIHL hockey game in 2023. The fatal injury to Adam Johnson happened in a split second and was probably the result of poor impulse control either as a result of prior head injuries, or a condition such as ADHD. Studies have shown that heading practice in soccer practices can have a measurable effect on students' performance on cognitive tasks the next day, and I expect since the way we process information and emotions is even more primal than the memory tasks used in the study and more difficult to measure that those effects are likely to be underestimated.

One possible strategy for the original poster that might help is having your son arrive wearing his equipment so he doesn't have to get ready in such a stimulating environment and can be more in the moment. My sister who has a Bachelor of Education recommended recording a student's poor behaviour so they can witness it themselves can be an effective intervention since they may lack the self-awareness to understand how they are being perceived. Obviously not a solution in a changeroom setting but possibly more instructive than criticism. Socially his poor behavior may be creating a negative impression with his peers and their parents that will be very difficult for him to outgrow.

I realize this is a very old thread, and the child is probably now in highschool but I expect other people like myself may stumble across it looking for answers.

[anirush]

You might consider medication but I would not pull the activities. When my grandson was diagnosed his teacher was the one who told me to get him into martial arts, that he needed something outside of school to teach focus and keep him active.

[KKMom]

Definitely agree sports and martial arts is so important for ADHD kids.