hateful/disrespectful

[hygienehollie]

My son takes several medications for adhd, mood stabilizer and anxiety med. he is going to be 11 next month and he is struggling at school with physical aggression. At home he is the most disrespectful he’s ever been to his dad and I. Telling us to shut up, saying make me, idiot etc. He’s terrible.we do therapy , but nothing helps. Anyone else experience this?

[Imakecutebabies]

In sorry your in this rut right now. My son was very disrespectful and angry last year... at 5. I knew in my heart he didn't actually hate me, but it was hard to convince my brain sometimes.

Is your son on stimulants or non-simulants? , Non-stimulants can help with the emotional dysregulation, whereas I've heard that stimulants can actually exacerbate the mood swings. It may be worth checking in with his psychiatrist to see if his med regimen needs adjusting.

[dredoug02]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. As a mom of a young man around the same age with ADHD I learned that the medicine can be a contributing factor to his anger and outbursts. Sometimes changing the medication is the best option. Also while is behavior is unacceptable I have learned to not engage with my son during those moments because if I do it would become a shouting match that can get ugly. Give him and yourself some grace to cope because it is not easy to parent a child with ADHD.

[GoDukes]

I had similar issues with my son who is almost 14 now. We tried a lot of meds for the ADHD and anxiety. I do think the stimulant meds contributed to his anxiety and aggressive behavior. We ended up switching to Straterra which is a non-stimulant ADHD med and another med for his anxiety. When he was younger we did have him on a stimulant med and Guanfacine at night which helped with some of the agitation but over time it stopped being effective. Anyway, we have been in a good place for the past year or so. I'm not sure how much is the meds and how much is him just maturing but you do have to keep trying different things. I agree with what someone else said that it is important not to really engage when he is having behavior flare ups because it just makes it worse. I learned to stay super calm when he was having his out bursts and it seemed to help deflate the situation. His mom couldn't do that and would just escalate the arguments. This doesn't mean I let him act however he wanted. I would address it with him later after he had calmed down and explained what was unacceptable and why and if he needed to be punished for the behavior then so be it. That conversation would go so much better after he was calm though. Good luck!

[Pastrysam76]

I’m going through the same thing. Same age. Except for the physical aggression. Though that has been an issue at home many times over the years. Same thing- tells me to shut up, calls me an idiot. I try my hardest not to engage, but need to work on that more. Sometimes it’s hard to be disrespected constantly. It’s like I know some is the adhd and meds, but also I don’t want a disrespectful child, then teenager, etc. , so is it ok to not address while it’s happening? I struggle with that.

What kind of meds is he on? We just tried a couple different stimulants again this past winter to see if they’d work bc he’s a bit older now, and it was just AWFUL. So he’s back on his non stimulant. It’s hard. I get it!

[hygienehollie in reply to Pastrysam76]

my son takes Metadate CD, Clonidine, Abilify, Prozac and Lamictal

[hygienehollie in reply to Pastrysam76]

he just started a booster at school of Metadate. Has taken it two days and had awful afternoons. We are going to try over the weekend and if same results we are not giving it to him at school anymore. I feel with stimulants you have a pretty good idea within a few days if it’s positive change or not.

[MommaofandwithADHD]

my daughter has this problem. It is hard. They have told us that around the tween age the medications will need to be adjusted for hormonal changes. It sounds like the mood stabilizer isn’t working anymore. Definitely worth mentioning to his Dr. …. This is the one medication that I insist she takes year round. She can take a break from the others every other day during the summer but this is non negotiable for her.

[NYCmom2]

We went through the same with our 9 year old. The Dr switched his meds to a similar stimulant but one that was known to have less side affects. The angry and aggressive late afternoon/evening behavior stopped.

[hygienehollie in reply to NYCmom2]

what is the stimulant that was helpful for you guys?