Hi, I'm new here! Looking for support regarding my ADHD son and husband

[Lacy_Mcc]

There are no support groups in my area so I came across this community through a desperate Web search. I have 4 kids ages 14-3 months. My 7 year old son and husband are both ADHD. My son is on a low dose of medication and my husband is unmedicated. My house is constant chaos and I feel like my husband is a 5th child rather than my partner most of the time. Does anyone else have a similar situation? How do you manage?

[CoriR]

I would love to hear what others are going to tell you because I feel like you completely! You are not alone!

[eeyore13]

You are not alone!! My husband is medicated and very close to being a 3rd child. A great support to my struggle has been the website by Melissa Orlov: adhdmarriage.com

She offers great advice and there are very active discussion boards. Hope this helps!!

[Lacy_Mcc in reply to eeyore13]

thank you I will check that out! We've tried counseling but once we leave the office he carries on as usual. never does the reading or exercises that he's supposed to. It feels hopeless some days :/

[MomOfAMermaid]

Hi, thank you for your courage to post about both a child and a spouse with challenges. I have a 6 year old girl with ADHD and sensory that is on medication. My spouse has ADD. We have been in couple's therapy for a long time and our most recent topic is that I feel like I am responsible for keeping myself and both of them on track ALL THE TIME. I am irritable and over stressed. We came to the conclusion that for my spouse to be the best parent possible and be responsible for guiding our daughter through routines, chores, etc. that medication was needed for her too. We also purchased special watches from "Watch Minder", they are special watches designed by a doctor that specializes in ADD ADHD that you program that vibrates as a reminder when it is time to do certain things. It vibrates instead of making noise to avoid disturbing others (like at school). For example, we have set my daughter's to vibrate at certain times based on her morning routine. My wife's watch is set to remind her to take her meds, walk the dog or other daily tasks that are in our daughter's routine. It took planning to begin using these watches but so far I can say that the watches have helped reduce my load, especially in the mornings. I with you and your family all the best!

[Lacy_Mcc in reply to MomOfAMermaid]

I've never heard of those watches but I will definitely check them out. the mornings are aweful ... I have to micromanage my son getting ready which leaves no time or patience helping the other kids or getting much needed coffee! thanks again for the tip

[surfmomma]

I am tearing up, because I can TOTALLY relate! Having a spouse as well as both of my kids diagnosed w/ ADHD can be sooooo overwhelming and frustrating at times! I'm new to this website but am feeling supported already as well as having some direction to things that may help, like the watches! Thank you, thank you, thank you, friends!

[Lacy_Mcc in reply to surfmomma]

keep in touch! it is sooo overwhelming! how old are your kiddos? One of the hardest things for me is just stepping back and looking at how much I've changed over the years. Keeping them on track has just drained all the fun out of me. I've had to become overly rigid, organized, etc because I do allll of the adulting in our house and someone has to be the responsible one Do you ever feel like that?

[kristinac]

My hubs and son both have ADHD as well and neither are medicated. I found when my hubs was medicated he was much more on point. It seems like chaos around here with the two of them butting heads whenever they interact. Even tho hubs recognizes he's short with my son for the same behaviors he has and can't control. So I've come to a certain level of acceptance for my hubs behaviors. For both I make sure when I'm saying something I want them to hear, that all distractions are turned off before I speak. I have my son repeat back to me the things I have said and want him to do. My son gets omega 3 supplements and hubs takes fish oil supplements. It's definitely challenging.

[Lacy_Mcc]

thank you for the reply! glad to know I'm not alone :/ being surrounded by adhd sometimes makes me crazy. I love them and try so hard to understand them but am oftentimes feel very frustrated and resentful towards my husband. he was not diagnosed when we met and I just thought he was fun and spontaneous. ..ay ay ay. was your hubby diagnosed when you met?