Looking for Advice: 4 Year Old Recent ADHD Diagnosis

[Ember_Rose]

Hi there. My 4 year old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD by a Developmental Pediatrician and Psychologist. This diagnosis stemmed from his preschool recommending we get him assessed and that his behavior was out of the norm to his peers. At this stage the behavior is mostly issues with aggression (towards peers and teachers), impulse control, and socializing with peers.

We are starting him on Guanfacine as prescribed by his Pediatrician. And have also started him in Occupational Therapy. I have also reached out to our local school district to start the evaluation process (he won't be in public school until next year however).

Overall, I'm finding myself feeling quite discouraged by this journey. It's so hard to see his peers be able to meet behavior expectations and to see him struggle. He can be super delightful and fun to be around, but really struggles when he starts to see red. He's also so young that I wonder how much is the stage of life and how much will continue. I worry that he will be kicked out of preschool and struggle in mainstream public school.

Any thoughts on how to navigate this journey that I'm not already doing? How were you able to keep a positive attitude while going through these struggles? I'm looking for hope in something that feels a bit insurmountable at the moment.

[Onthemove1971]

Big hugs and welcome to the group. It sounds like you are already doing so much. Maturity helps so much.

We are always here for you.

[lucybow]

I 💯% get what you’re going through and am sending you so much empathy and strength. Having a diagnosis so early feels like a blessing and a curse, and having to medicate our kids so early is gut wrenching.

I am proud of you for all the steps you’ve already taken for your son such as getting OT, school district evaluation, medications as well as reaching out to this group for support. You are doing it, mama!

You mentioned that it’s hard to see “his peers be able to meet behavior expectations and to see him struggle”. I know how challenging it is to observe your child struggling while other neurotypical (NT) children are following along in unison. That said, neurodivergent (ND) children have so many strengths that make them unique with skills that surpass their NT peers.

I’ve been navigating this journey since my son was your son’s age and it has been a rollercoaster. I’ve loved becoming his advocate to ensure his school district provides the necessary supports while addressing structure, routines and ADHD “fitness” at home. ADHD “fitness” encompasses all the supports you or others provide for your child at home and in the community to address their ADHD needs. You are already doing so much of this!

I think you’ve done an amazing job parenting your kiddo. Congratulations on all you’ve accomplished and just know, you have a community here who supports you.

[Klmamma]

Is there a family history of ADHD or were there birth issues? That would impact my decision.

As someone who is 100% for medication, idk if I'd have started at 4. I would definitely do OT and then begin CBT as soon as possible.

If there is a family history, I would probably start the guanfacine. You'll need to be honest with yourselves if one of you isn't diagnosed bc many people are diagnosed after realizing their kids have it.

It is very hard and quite frankly it doesn't get a whole lot easier. Even with medication, they still struggle. The important thing is that he always knows you love him UNCONDITIONALLY. He's going to hear no more than any other kids at school, he's going to have a hard time making friends. My son is almost 10 and has finally found his friend group and it's wonderful, but it was a long hard road. Make sure you have a therapist for yourself as well. It's hard on a parent and equally hard on a marriage. When he's older do not be afraid to try stimulants, they are life changing.

[NYCmom2 in reply to Klmamma]

Agreed 100%. Very good advice all around.

[Brightside99]

We are 4 years into our journey, as our kiddo was also diagnosed at the tender age of 4. Books on ADHD have really helped us understand not only what goes on in his mind, but tips on how to deal with challenging behaviors. Whenever I’m feeling particularly frustrated, I check out a book at our local library to remind me 1.) that we’re not alone is this journey 2.) that it’s not our kiddos fault or anything we did wrong as parents 3.) helpful tips and advice on how to be the best parents we can for him. On another note our public school is the best thing we ever did, as he struggled in private due to them not having the resources he needed to be his best. He is thriving in school and I wish the same for you!! Take care and know that you have a village behind you!!

[NYCmom2]

You’re taking all the right steps and much earlier than most. You’re doing a great job! All good advice from other replies above! One step at a time - try not to project negatively into the future - get support for yourself so you can thrive, which helps your family thrive too.

Sending virtual hugs!

[Knitting20projects]

Been there, done that!!!! Our son had what first looked like just ADHD but was later found to have both autism and ADHD. I don’t mean at all that your son will have autism. I just mean at 3 1/2 our son was struggling significantly with hyperactivity, impulsivity, etc. He finally started methylphenidate at 4 y 9 m. It was life-changing (life-improving) for him and our household. It’s normal to grieve that your child cannot manage the regular self control other kids have so effortlessly (or seemingly so). Our 2nd child also has autism & ADHD. You are not alone & you are a wonderful parent for getting a better understanding of him and his needs. I actually think there’s nothing wrong with trying medication at 4. If a developmental behavioral pediatrician thinks he is affected enough that it’s worth trying guanfacine, I would trust that opinion myself. However, that’s me speaking from years of living this situation with my 2 kids. It is a hard decision to medicate a child for ADHD. I support trying medication and I also struggled mightily in deciding to use it for our kids. It feels really unfair that other families don’t have to endure this—-actually, I will endure things, but I wish I could spare my kids. Sorry for the long response!!! Hugs to you and everyone here.

[curlymom2]

I'm reading your post and the replies with tears in my eyes. My son was also just recently diagnosed. He's 6, but I noticed the behaviors at age 3. It made it really hard to leave him in preschool because he also has social phobia, which activates some of his ADHD behaviors. I understand the frustration and sadness with seeing the differences in relationships and behaviors with peers and others. Things that come so easily for some are so hard for our little ones. As a parent, it's so hard to see our kids struggling. My journey, as yours, is just beginning. Some things I've noticed help my son are the basics- eating healthy with lots of protein, a good sleep routine and schedule, and lots of exercise. It sounds like you're doing a great job at being proactive and advocating for your son. As my therapist told me- give yourself some grace and compassion and remind yourself of what a great job you're doing. Also, remember to care for yourself- if we're not okay, our kids are not okay. That's all I have for right now, but from one mom to another- you're not alone.