Depression and does it really go away?

Hi I am a new bee here so just wanting to ask anyone for advice really. About me, want bore you all with sad life story?. That I've always been overweight, was raped twice and got pregnant twice and had to have abortions, could not tell my parents, as being the only girl with 6 brothers I got the blame for everything! And they would not have believed me anyway. Tried to kill myself several times, overdoses and slit wrists. Then lost my weight and started having proper boyfriends, been married 3 times, I have 2 children from my first marriage. I have taken anti depressants on and off for years. Have not been on them for a while few years now. Started to feel down again after moving house again over Xmas and new year 2013, started crying at night, feeling very lonely, fear of dying not seeing my kids grow up, and it happened almost every night. Woke up a week ago last Sunday and packed in smoking after 30 years. No patches, nothing. It's now day 10, still not smoking, but not sleeping either? Went to docs last weds and he gave me amiltripyline 10mgs, and told me to take one tablet 2 hours before bed. Hasten to say it hasn't worked, I am back to the docs again today to hopefully get something to help me sleep. This is the only side effect I have had, which I am pleased about, and also the horrid thoughts about dying etc have gone since I gave up smoking?, which is strange but must of been in my mind, telling me to pack in smoking, it must have been my time...has anyone else had the no sleeping thing when they gave up smoking?if so how did you cope with it. I have tried warm milk, hot bath, etc, etc, I dive on my poor husband every night although he isn't complaining, that's not tiring me out either! So any help would be great thank you.....

4 Replies

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  • You have been through such a lot. Well done for the progress you have made..

    Because of all you have been through, I think you would really be helped by counselling in addition. If you ask your GP, they can put you on the waiting list for NHS counselling (in some areas there is self-referral). The waiting list is long, though, and it is only short-term, and if you can afford it, it is worth getting sessions with a registered counsellor privately.

  • You have been through so much haven't you? I think you sound fabulous and very strong. That's fantastic that you've given up smoking, you also said that you moved house around Christmas - that alone is really stressful but perhaps the depression was a bit of a physical manifestation of you moving on and away from your last life and situation. I remember getting really down after I moved into my first flat and phoning the Samaritans, it should be a time of happiness but I felt very empty when it was all done & dusted as I didn't have a big project to focus on and it felt like a big void. Anyway, giving up smoking is amazing, well done. I gave up after about 20 years and that also left an emptiness in my life so I filled it with exercise - do you get a chance to go for a quick run in the evenings?

  • I agree with my friends comments above so I'm not going to repeat anything they have already said. It's just that I like to say that any antidepressant medications will take time to kick-in and even when they do, your mood won't improve overnight.

    The first signs you will notice to confirm that the anti-depressant medication is working right are to do with changes in your physical internal environment.i.e. you will notice first and foremost that your sleep has improved, your apetite has returned, your libdo has increased etc. It doesn't matter if you are over sleeping or overeating when the medication kicks in. If your body is asking for more sleep and more food, give it. Don't get to concerned about your body weight or what other people are saying about your body image etc.

    Then you will see the psychological changes i.e. improved concentration and memory, improved interests in things i.e. TV etc.

    Finally you will know that your antidepressant has fully kicked-in when you will be able to sit down and prioritize and take control of everything else in your life i.e. you will be able to do something about those decisions that you have been sweeping under the carpet for years.

    At this point you will know that you are ready for psychological intervention i.e. counselling, CBT etc. Your GP will have to refer you to someone who can help you deal with your emotions. Only psychological intervention will help you take control of all those repressed memories and events that have affected you for years.

    Hope you recover fast but if thing are taking time, try to be brave and hang in there. There is no quick fix for depression. It might or will take years before you feel you have made sufficient recovery from your depression so that you can take independantly take full control of your life again.

    If you don't feel any improvement (none whatsoever) with your antidepressant medication after six weeks, ask your doctor to review your medicaton. It is also very important to know that you can't skip your daily doses and, above all, don't mix your antidepressant medication with alcohol or illicit drugs.

    Take Care

  • Hi

    Firstly before I read the rest of your blog I feel sad that you think your poor life story will BORE us all! If people have had really difficult experiences as you have then it is not boring to read about them but is really moving emotionally. I feel sad and angry about what has happened to you, but not bored! You had a difficult and unsupportive situation with your family and that has been repeated as it so often is and as I know from experience as I have also been married three times. It sounds like the house move has made you anxious. Is it related to where you are, or being on you own, or some other change in your situation? Perhaps you feel suddenly that you are mortal. That does catch up with us all. You say you dive on your husband - poor? does he think he's poor? Many men would think great, lucky me! Have you told him how you feel, and if so I wonder how he responds? Sex for comfort is great sometimes, but even better is feeling understood, held and just comforted, then maybe the sex or maybe not. Well done for giving up smoking. I did the same as you, just suddenly stopped, and have never looked back. I feel so much better for no longer harming myself. You are likely to have increased anxiety with the move and the reaction to not smoking, but keep at it and things will settle. Do you have any substitute pleasures? I munched sweets (refreshers) for a few months then switched those to carrots, now it tends to be grapes or cherries or nothing. Suexx

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