hoping this will help

Hi

I'm new to this site, my story is I just can't seem to move on with life and trust, feel good about myself.

Will try to keep my story as short as I can, I'm in my 40's only in the last year been told that im suffering from depression. When I was in my teens I had a baby who my mother took me to court to get custody of my son, she won the case saying I was an unfit mother...never really got on with my mother and dont talk or see her or my dad anymore not due to this but alot of other things she had a habit of making me feel useless and always would cast up my teenage pregancy...I seem to have gone through relationship after relationship, and always feel like its my fault it all went wrong even though I have been through a violent relationship where I ended up in hospital...Got married to a man who would put his work first and turned to drink and the end of the day, leaving me more or less alone to bring up our two children, the marriage ended after 6 yrs because I just couldnt live like that anymore. I met someone new who meant the world to me, he was my life, he took on both my children even though they still went to see theyre own dad on a regular basis. Unfortunately this marriage ended 3 yrs ago after he left for no reason, only it was no reason I found out he had been cheating on me, and looking back I now realise that he turned me into the person I am today, low self esteem, no confidance, he use to bring me down just like my mother did!!..also found out the whole ten years we were together was a lie he had cheated on a number of occasions.

I get myself very down and can cry at the drop of a hat, the doc has put me on tablets to help but not sure they are helping. I just keeping thinking that I'm just going to go through the same as I have in the past, I have met a wonderful man now, who is trying to help me but the demons in my head just keep coming back and it is starting to come between us, I just cant seem to let things just happen. If he says or does something that reminds me of my past relationship it just puts me into thinking that things are just going to go the same way as before. There is alot more to this than I have mentioned but I dont want to go on and on. I really am at the end of my tether with this, I have thought a number of times just calling it a day and ending my life but the only thing and reason Im still here is my kids.

Im really hoping this site will help.

thanks for taking the time to read this

2 Replies

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  • Hi there well a big hug to you first, have you ever thought of doing CBT cognative Behaviour Theropy and used a thought diary at all, I know your pain in some ways as I was married to an abuser that would not leave and made my life hell as a result my two children are being adopted and I am in court trying to stop this from happening, some days are good others are just terrible but i did a course with domestic violence and i found that the negative thought diary really helped me to deal with major issues and i started to understand why i was reacting the way i was out of habit when in a corner fight, and i was just stuck in a circle and hated the world, now i have done therapy been signed off from mental health and am even at the point of having my meds decreased. If your not living with your partner try to put some space between you as in see each other on set nights so that you have time to heal your own wounds. I dont know how long it was between relationships but I just feel maybe you linked on to him cause you felt lonely and before you were actually ready, you have to remember he is not the person that hurt and deceived you. If he does something that reminds you of the previous relationship say time out and go and have a few minutes by yourself to remind you that this is a different relationship, if he is not treating you right get out, its better to be alone than in a unhappy relationship just for the sake of being with someone as I found out, it took me a long time to work that one out as the guy i went out with after my ex husband used to demand me to do things then abuse me if i did not agree with him and then never said sorry, I had to walk away and since then I have done the work i needed to do and now feel ready to maybe meet someone if they come along. I really feel for you as i know what its like to grow up with constant run downs and attacks on you so that you feel worthless, but you are a good mum, list your good points, list his good points and when you are stressed go away and look at the list and say I am a good mum, I am a good person, I deserve to be happy, etc. just one more thing say to him look sometimes i struggle when you do or say certain things so if i say time out can you leave me alone for a few minutes till i come back as i dont want to react like i used to I love you and i want this relationship to work, I dont know if it will work for you it worked for me, and I know your a strong person just from what you wrote and what you have been through. Keep strong and look to the future and not the past as it will hold you back, even ask the doctor for a referral to mental health, i started with them purely to make sure i had the right medication for my symptoms, so dont be afraid to ask for help it may be another med would suit you better, am here if you ever need to chat xx

  • Hi,

    It is hard to break out of thinking in terms of the pattern of abusive relationships particularly when you were cheated on despite trusting. I wonder whether it would be helpful for you to have someone to turn to outside the relationship for support and emotional understanding. I've found that diffuses the situation by providing me with someone with whom I can talk through how I'm feeling about my husband and regain a more balanced view. It is impossible to know whether your husband is trustworthy, only time can tell you that, and undoubtedly he will hurt you sometimes because we all hurt people at times. Talking with a therapist would give you the space to think about what is actually happening.

    Suexx

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