I'm new to this site, my story is I just can't seem to move on with life and trust, feel good about myself.
Will try to keep my story as short as I can, I'm in my 40's only in the last year been told that im suffering from depression. When I was in my teens I had a baby who my mother took me to court to get custody of my son, she won the case saying I was an unfit mother...never really got on with my mother and dont talk or see her or my dad anymore not due to this but alot of other things she had a habit of making me feel useless and always would cast up my teenage pregancy...I seem to have gone through relationship after relationship, and always feel like its my fault it all went wrong even though I have been through a violent relationship where I ended up in hospital...Got married to a man who would put his work first and turned to drink and the end of the day, leaving me more or less alone to bring up our two children, the marriage ended after 6 yrs because I just couldnt live like that anymore. I met someone new who meant the world to me, he was my life, he took on both my children even though they still went to see theyre own dad on a regular basis. Unfortunately this marriage ended 3 yrs ago after he left for no reason, only it was no reason I found out he had been cheating on me, and looking back I now realise that he turned me into the person I am today, low self esteem, no confidance, he use to bring me down just like my mother did!!..also found out the whole ten years we were together was a lie he had cheated on a number of occasions.
I get myself very down and can cry at the drop of a hat, the doc has put me on tablets to help but not sure they are helping. I just keeping thinking that I'm just going to go through the same as I have in the past, I have met a wonderful man now, who is trying to help me but the demons in my head just keep coming back and it is starting to come between us, I just cant seem to let things just happen. If he says or does something that reminds me of my past relationship it just puts me into thinking that things are just going to go the same way as before. There is alot more to this than I have mentioned but I dont want to go on and on. I really am at the end of my tether with this, I have thought a number of times just calling it a day and ending my life but the only thing and reason Im still here is my kids.
Im really hoping this site will help.
thanks for taking the time to read this