Work and home life nightmare

Hi

I'm a married man in a highly stressful job.

I have been prescribed as clinically depressed since 2003 when I lost my brother and father.

I had a lot of time off work at first due to this but gradually have got myself back to being as I probably was pre this state at least work wise up until recently

However, I find now that I have recently become very alcohol dependent, very tearfull, losing my wife due to not caring and not paying any attention to her about anything and becoming very very stressed at work , taking my frustrations out on fellow work colleagues.

I am at my whits end and really not coping.

Any advice greatly apprecaited

9 Replies

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  • I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this, depression doesn't just affect the person but those around them. I know since I am suffering it to and I fear it will affect my family too. Have you spoken to anyone about your problem or do you find it easier to bottle it up as I do?

  • Hello

    At this time I would advise that you contact AA and they and members will give you support in drying you out. Your GP will also be able to help with your depression

    Your condition is caused by the drink as it can cause a maudlin attitude to life and if you are having family, personal problems that will extend the feeling you have now. So it is important the you see the GP to discuss your condition

    Do you feel that your Partner would return if you managed to dry yourself out as that would give you something to aim for.

    BOB

  • Hi I do feel for you in this situation. However as drink is a depressant it is only making your depression worse. You don't say whether you are on any meds and/or counselling. Maybe it's time for a visit to your doctor to see if s/he can help? x

  • Hi there my advice would be.

    STOP drinking and get yourself along to your GP , as otherwise you will

    End up with two problems, Alcohol and Depression, Go to AA and if your

    Wife sees your getting your life back together and really making an effort ,

    She may take you back, so good luck, it's never too late to start managing your

    Life.

    Hannah

  • Hi there Moxy,

    Do you think that we are expecting too much of ourselves these days. We start out in life and it all seems so easy, with work and marriage happening almost automatically. Then when tragedy strikes and we are hit hard, we seem to think it is something we can just absorb and carry on as before. A trip to the doctors, a few pills, maybe a chat with a nice therapist, and we should pick ourselves back up and act as if nothing has happened. Well it has happened and you can never view life quite the same again. Our family members, colleague and friends may not realise this, and once you have been allowed a short period of grief, will be short of patience with you should you still experience problems. I can understand that as life has to go on, but maybe you are still trying to come to terms with your loss, or can no longer see the point in some things that you used to value.

    I don't have the solution for how you can return back to what you had before, all I can say is maybe it is a good idea to share your feelings with people who have been through something similar and who may have some ideas.

    Feeling for you,

    xx

  • One thing you may find when you have treatments for your Depression and associated problems is that there will be little sympathy handed out to you as you will need to understand drink is a personal choice, you turned to this depressive crutch and given this your treatment pathway will be hard and you will need to understand this negative pathway you took. Possibly you may need to not touch a drop again.

    I really hope that you can restore your past life. Be positive in your attitude.

    If you need support for your depression we are here to support you With that and AA both should complement themselves

    Good Luck

    BOB

  • Hello,

    I do feel for you. We all reach for things we feel will help and this is often done out of desperation to feel better or forget for a short while. However it needs a stepped approach to start on the road to getting better. Seek help from your GP. Its still a hard road but you should try to approach help.

    You are not alone. We have all lived lives and made choices. Try to look forward at what positive things could happen.

    You have people to get better for. I wish you lots of good things.

  • You seem to have already received good advice. Losing a father and brother in the same year was awful no doubt and bad luck but presumably you have n't been depressed continuously for 12 years as a result. The fact that you even became depressed shows that you are prone to depression . Most people would feel sad and grief at such an outcome but would not get clinical depression, and normal grief should be over in about six months at most I would have thought. Life has to go on.

    However you seem to have got yourself back in shape but if prone to depression alcohol and recreational drugs are a definite no no. This is obviously having a bad affect on your relationship with your wife and your work and if you're not careful could be the start of a downward spiral.

    Assuming the alcohol is a real problem AA is a must and I'm sure you'll get support there with other problems you may have. Forget 2003 ,that's pretty remote history. Once you've cut the alcohol problem (a difficult hill to climb maybe but you'll find the view better) ,hopefully you'll be able to resolve any problems with your wife and family. You might even find the problems there resolve themselves.

    Assuming all this happens , I would strongly suspect that a lot of the stress at work might vanish.

    I'm not saying any of this is easy but the alternative is a sort of Rake's Progress. Bad news leads to depression leads to drink leads to loss of family and friends leads to loss of job leads to who knows what. The earlier in this chain you break it the better as depression with no job , friends or family support is a real bastard I would imagine.

    You did n't have any choice with the bad news , or the resulting depression but the drink was a disastrous choice and wants undoing quickly. AA is the obvious way to undo this. I could n't give up smoking very easily , but luckily I'm not one of those who gets addicted to alcohol . You sound as if you might be so you can't risk it . The sort of Rake's progress path makes me feel bad thinking about it.

    Wishing you well and I'm sure you'll make it.

    Olderal

  • Hi

    Im not sure if you are reading any of this as it has been 4 days since your reply but I thought Id add my 10 pence if thats okay.

    If your going to drink your going to drink, people will do what they are going to do, we are all essentially like wild animals...lol.

    Anyway how about this if going to the AA is not something you feel you can do right now, try and keep a diary of how much you drink. Then maybe resolve to cut down merely by so many ounces an day or by one less glass etc. People work well on a rewards system, (doubtless taught to us by our parents ;-) Offer yourself something big, expensive tickets to a game, a new car, a new bike and decide that if you get down to so much drinking I I dont know a glass very 2 days, you can have that thing.

    If you f*ck up thats okay treat it as a hiccup and forge ahead.

    Now your wife, you married her because you love her, and she loves you deep down. People want to help, let her help you. Dont wine at her, just explain your going through a tough time, you want to give her more time, but you get overwhelmed and shut down, could you work together to make things better AND of course tell her you love her.

    Grief can take you in all always, it can make you do the strangest things, you feel guilt, some good things come out of someones death, you feel loss, a sense of I could careless about certain things in your life as you realise your own mortality.

    First off let your self off BIGTIME all this Moxy bashing is not on. You are a good man trying to cope under difficult circumstances, so let your self off ALOT of things, they dont matter. I would suggest you need to find away to be okay with your own mortality, then find away to be okay with theirs. Death is a fact of life, better it is a natural part of the life cycle, no one did this too you to punish you.

    Lastly Im going to suggest you arent giving yourself credit for the things you do right, the small triumphs you have at work. The college you helped, the problem you solved, when someone when out of their way for you, or the Gods gave you some luck. Notice those things and take credit for them and more will happen.

    Baby steps Moxy, it all starts with you not being SuperMan and just taking it a day at a time and beng mindful you really want to be happy. In your life you have been ...happy ..sad...happy...sad...maybe these are dark days but the flow is the goo days are coming.

    You can do this you are intelligent, resourceful, a problem solver and mentally strong. Take heart and you can do this. I have very faith in you.

    My deepest regard and may I wish you all the Luck in the World XX