I am extremely confused.

[Ooorlaigh]

I am 19 years old and my brother died last August at the age of 18 unexpectedly. I still struggle to get my head around it. He was my closest sibling. I have been in a relationship since March and cannot bring myself to trust my partner, despite that he has given me no reason not too. I constantly get angry other the smallest things and have trouble sleeping almost every night and have done for months. I feel stressed and anxious for no reason. I have became lazy, I don't want to do anything and I constantly feel myself welling up when in company and feel completely worthless when I am alone therefore I avoid it when I can. I don't like speaking to anyone about this, I have 4 other brothers and sisters who I feel cope a lot better than I do due to our bereavement. I am not someone who likes talking about my problems and feel I would be wasting my GP's time if I was to confront my feelings. I need help yet feel I can't talk to anyone, not even my mum - also despite those close in my life giving me no reason to have all this self-doubt and insecurity. I hide my hurt by not talking about my feelings although I think it shows through my short temper. I don't think those in my life deserve it so I have came here to seek help.

[Presley58]

My goodness, you have been through a lot of sadness. It is no wonder you are struggling.

It strikes me that as a family you are not communicating and that the assumption that your siblings are coping better than you is probably a false one.

I know that you don't like talking about your problems but perhaps this is something that you need to do. I think you have started by writing this post. Writing things down is an excellent way of getting things out of your system.

There is no way that you would be wasting your GPs time. May I suggest taking a copy of your original post with you to make sure that your GP knows exactly what the problems are? That would remove the need to speak about them.

Talking may be difficult but it really does help so a councillor is worth considering. I know that there are councillors specialising in bereavement. I know that that may be terrifying at this stage for someone who is no used to chatting about problems but I feel sure that you would get an enormous amount of benefit from it if you are able to get over your reluctance.

Still, first stop your GP. S/he will be able to help if you allow it.

I am genuinely sorry that you have suffered so much at such a young age. I hope that things get better for you soon. You have already made a move in the right direction by writing the above so I hope that you are able to continue to make progress.

Good luck!

xx

[Hidden]

Hello oorlaigh

Sorry for your loss, when we love someone close it takes up to two years for that person to fully grieve. You have had a close relationship with your Brother and now there is a hole in your life and you need time to grieve.

When a young person dies this hole is much more marked than that of a death of an older person.

Your temper and feelings will be very raw and the sadness and depression will just make matters worse. So generally I would recommend you have words with your GP and He may arrange some grief talking therapy where you can discuss your feelings and that will help you to move on from this nightmare you are suffering from.

The GP will not judge you on this, your feelings are natural and sound and all involved with your health. He will understand and will treat you accordingly.

Sometimes a family will wait for a family member to make that first overture and explain their feelings,, sometimes when this happens this can lead to a family healing and that is part of the dynamics of family grief. So it may be an idea to try and get the family to discuss their feelings at this loss all you have had.

Be kind with yourself, it is important that you and family move on. I may understand by your name you are historically from a different race and your loss may b represented in a different fashion that I feel does not change my understanding of the situation you find yourself in.

Be kind with yourself and understand the looking for support is not a sign of weakness.

Good luck on our journey we are always here for a chat

BOB

[Hidden]

Hi I am so sorry for your loss, it must be awful for you and everyone. Your brothers and sisters are probably saying the same thing - that you seem to be coping with his loss. I know when I lost my father and then my mother talking about it and remembering them with my sisters was essential and helped us heal. It still is sometimes.

Talk to your family, I bet they are also feeling his loss very keenly. Someone has to open up first don't they? Why not you? Take care, Bev x

[justbreath]

I have lost my daughter of the24 3 years ago, and still feel as you do, but it gets slightly better. You will go through it and it is normal, you want to be left alone, don't give a fig. People who has not gone through what you have suffered, will never understand. You feel as if a part of your soul is lost, you will feel like your brother has gone visiting and will be back. I could not even go in the clothing store she use to buy clothes. Go through it my dear, my heart brakes for you, as you are so young.

God be with you and comfort you. Love me