I know when I feel hurt and overwhelmed by criticism I can go into a downward spiral of negativity. I know my thinking is flawed and exaggerating it all but it is difficult to stop. I picked up a tip somewhere about building confidence which I try to use to SET things right.
SET, Specific situation, External issue, Temporary problem
I have to tell myself I need to respond to this SPECIFIC situation and not bring in thoughts about so many others, or at least write down the facts on this one.
I look for the EXTERNAL factors that have caused the problem and try not to ascribe the problem to my own flawed thoughts and feelings.
I have also learned that these feelings and thoughts are TEMPORARY and the negativity does pass. I am learning acceptance and hope.
It is very easy to do the opposite of SET and ascribe all of our fears flaws and problems we meet all of the time. PERMANENT in our set ways and thoughts, we need to find the evidence that breaks the rule.
We also look for the INTERNAL causes for the issues, our own flaws and doubts become magnified and we blame them, often when we shouldn't and it is just a habit.
We also think this happens to us everywhere in all situations. GLOBAL thinking and this keeps us victims of our own thoughts.
Everyone does this process, we learn it very young and it is reinforced by parents and others around us. Knowing this, I can now try to avoid flawed thinking and apply a more measured SET thinking to tough situations.
This approach has its good side too.
When I am doing well, have had some success, even in the small things (We dwell on our failures so easily we need to practice reflecting on the good stuff too!) I use the opposite process. PIG.
My successes can always happen PERMANENT.
They are down to my skills and qualities. INTERNAL.
These skills can be applied everywhere in all situations. GLOBAL.
Lets SET our flawed thinking right and PIG out on our successes.
Good luck with changing your thinking habits, I'm still working on it