I have decided to quit smoking this Monday and wondered what it was that had made me decide to quit now and not in the last 5 years.
I have been depressed since my late teens (am now 53) and in my 20's found the "joy" of being able to get drunk and forget how I was feeling.
Surprisingly that did not help my depression!
After swimming round in the bottom of a bottle for 25 years I finally was able to stop drinking Dec 15th, 2013.
I assumed that I would feel immediate health benefits and it would solve everything that I had wrong in my life and for a couple of months I felt very clean and sober and virtuous.
Then the anger started. And I have been angry at everyone and everything for about a year now. God forbid you cut me off in traffic or you'll cop a total mouthful from me.
It was last weekend, after screaming "Look at the fr**king walk signal you stupid f**king b*tch!" out my car window at a poor little old Asian lady that I suddenly seemed to lose the anger. Not completely but enough to realize how feral I had become.
About 2 blocks later I realised what an absolute ass I had become and for some reason a lot of the anger just evaporated. I guess you could say I took a long hard look in the mirror and realised I didn't like what I saw. Everyone in my vicinity was copping it - either in my head or out the car window. And it just wasn't doing anyone any good.
I had become one of those youtube tragics, screaming at everyone, who I would laugh at being caught on camera. That was me. Ugh lol
Anyway I am rambling.
Basically how are we supposed to get ourselves healthy and together when we are depressed. Caring about yourself is the last thing on your mind when your depressed - its a viscous cycle.
Have tried everything from Lexapro to Prozac all of which didn't work for different reasons.
8 weeks ago I started mega doses of magnesium to try and treat my atrial fibrillation (AF) . It's an outcome of my drinking and smoking and obesity for 3 decades and my battered heart has started to kick up a stink in the last few years.
The magnesium supplements seemed to be helping my heart but more remarkably I was noticing a real upswing in my mood. I have been feeling so much better and even the anger which I thought would never go is subsiding.
After I did some more investigation I found loads of studies showing that magnesium supplementation had helped witjh depression and talked about how magnesium helps to stabilise your mood.
I am starting to lose weight (I am obese) without trying, I am thinking more and more about exercise (THINKING not doing - but that is round the corner lol) and am going to quit smoking on Monday.
Thought I'd mention the magnesium thing in case it resonated with anyone here.
Both obesity and alcoholism can cause massive magnesium deficiencies in your body and when your body is magnesium deficient a huge whack of things in your body start not to function as well as they could.