So fed up

I am so so fed up. In the scheme of things I know a lot if people have been ill a lot longer than me, but for over the last 13 months I have been feeling so lost and alone. I have ended up in hospital three times for a total of 11 weeks since April. My medication is still being changed. I am now effectively on no meds as one is out my system and the other isn't working yet. I feel so alone. I live with my fiancé but he just can't understand. A lot of the time all I want is for all this to end. If I could see light at the end of the tunnel I could see me being happy again that would be different, but I can't. I self harm daily, I want everything to end and to kill myself. I think of suicide every day. My only worry is I get it wrong and have to live with the guilt I would feel from parents and fiancé. If it want from that I would have committed suicide a long time ago. Does anyone know how long I would have to wait for phenelzine to take effect and work if it is going to? Cpn and doctor say completely different things. I am so fed up with everything now. Sorry.

4 Replies

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  • Hello BOB here

    You will possibly have to wait for about three week for these medications to kick in.

    Personally I can be honest regarding suicide, I tried several years ago and now I am happy as you can see I failed.

    Generally there will be very little sympathy and if required the heroic methods to bring you back can be not very nice. With families they will go through many different feelings from anger to disbelieve and man places in between.

    If you are taken into hospital A and E they really do not have the time to go through the why or wherefore of what caused your attempt and if you are lucky the crisis team will be called to the hospital although generally an appointment to see your GP will be made and possibly the crisis team will see you withing twenty four hours. It all is ment to be earlier although they can be pushed for time. I was at a meeting yesterday, believe me it can be tentative. I was put on a bus as my attempt was over the week before Christmas and I was not dressed for walking in snow.

    When I saw the Crisis Team next day they asses you and if not done already will decide if you need to go to hospital for your own safety, they are very matter of fact and they will at least arrange for you to see a CPN in some form or other. Your appointment with your GP will be very attentive and the practice will need to know if you are safe to remain at home

    So personally I still get depressed although now I realize that there may not be someone who will be able to prevent me doing it again. In fact if I attempt to do it again it may take me three days to die in a real painful way. All I have now is a wife and dog and I prefer to be brave and not let the bastards drag me down.

    Give your medicines time to work and seek as much help from different Health Departments.

    You will get massive help and encouragement here.

    You know where I am if help is required

    BOB

  • Hi,

    Don't be sorry for saying what you feel - that's what this forum is for. I hope your meds kick in soon.

    Best wishes,

    Carmela

  • I hope your meds kick in soon - they should do. When they do you should start feeling better very soon. Just say to yourself every day - today is not going to be the day I kill myself. And say it every day. Take care. x

  • Using how worse off other people might be feeling must never be your benchmark. People deal with situations in different ways and you're no less entitled to talk about how you're feeling than anyone else.

    There's no reason at all why suicide should be a taboo subject. You're no more or less likely to do it if you talk about it, neither is a person at risk by reading about it. This is a place where you can talk openly and honestly about the things are not working for at the moment, and we can try and help.

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