I am so so fed up. In the scheme of things I know a lot if people have been ill a lot longer than me, but for over the last 13 months I have been feeling so lost and alone. I have ended up in hospital three times for a total of 11 weeks since April. My medication is still being changed. I am now effectively on no meds as one is out my system and the other isn't working yet. I feel so alone. I live with my fiancé but he just can't understand. A lot of the time all I want is for all this to end. If I could see light at the end of the tunnel I could see me being happy again that would be different, but I can't. I self harm daily, I want everything to end and to kill myself. I think of suicide every day. My only worry is I get it wrong and have to live with the guilt I would feel from parents and fiancé. If it want from that I would have committed suicide a long time ago. Does anyone know how long I would have to wait for phenelzine to take effect and work if it is going to? Cpn and doctor say completely different things. I am so fed up with everything now. Sorry.