Feel like am on the verge of a nervous breakdown

Feel like am on the verge of a nervous breakdown

I havent been on here for a bit...I avoided it because reading people's stories hurt my heart even more than I am already hurting on my own. I always took comfort in the advice of others, so I am here seeking help. over the last few months I have been bombarded wit hsome really hateful things from my mother and the people who will listen to her has started having similar attitude towards me. Anyone else and I wouldnt care but this is my mother. And to make matters worst, she has many other members of the extended family coming at me. when I try to explain to them that I do not know what is going on with my mother and her attitude towards me I am told it doesnt matter what she says or does, at the end of the day she is my mother. So I do not matter, how i feel does not matter. On top of all this, i am in my final year at university and the amount of work is astounding...plus, theres a 5yr old over-hyper lil boy in the mix - really, he is the only reason i am still sane, or even still alive...i find myself walking down the street fighting tears, and the pressure in my head is overbearing sometimes....I have problems sleeping and so go through da day feeling like I am going to fall out at any minute...some nights when I put my head on the pillow this overwhelming darkness will envelope me and i will feel the pain through my entire body...whats more frustrating is I cannot understand why I have to feel that way....I have done therapy, i dont want to take pills....whats the other option? i am holding on by the skin of my teeth (so to speak)....I dont know wat to do...i dont want to feel this way anymore...

16 Replies

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  • Your post is really interesting. A huge factor in the way I feel is the relationship I have with my mother. I love, hate, pity and need her in equal measures. People tell me I'm selfish in the way I speak about her. That it's ok that she's ruined half my life, because she's Mum and I should accept her for the way that she is.

    She might be your mum and I'm sure you love her, but it's not ok for anyone to put you down and make you feel sub-standard. It's just not ok.

    I've done uni as a single parent and I know how bloody hard it was. I respect you for sticking with it. Is that your little boy in the picture? He looks lovely!

    Can I ask what your aversion to taking pills is? I get that it's not the answer for everyone, but it's an option if therapy hasn't been enough x

  • Hi Lucy, thank you for your response. My mother has been so horrible to me...sometimes I wonder why I was born, why I survived when she obviously didnt want me...

    anyways, thats him...hes got so much love in him its ridiculous (in a good way)...thing is tho, i have this fear that he's gonna pick up on my depression and may grow into being depressed. I dont ever want him to feel like I feel....I dont ever want him to go through a day of darkness...

    about the pills, I am crap at taking pills, i forget to take them...and too I dont want to get addicted to pills...i feel so bad so often....and my thing is there has got to be another way...there just have to be...a better way...pills only supress the feelings, it doesnt get rid of the problem...i need to get rid of these bad feeelings...

  • Hi the only way to get rid of the bad feeling is to face up to your demons (write a list from major to minor problems and face them 1 at a time starting with smallest and work your way up give yourself a pat on the back or a small reward when you have overcome the problem if you find that you need support, find a group that youcan get involved with or a close friend that will support you? sometimes you have to take medication just till your life evens out and gets you into a routine, we have many pressures in life it is not easy but you are standing on your own two feet and try and stay away from family for a while, let every thing cool down what do you do in your spare time? not that you have much of that with your studies do you and your kid go places together what about getting involved with his school parents group you will meet new people and hopefully bond with them as you both have something in common, you may be in a dark place at the moment but you have the power to change that if you really want to better your life which I know that you do for the sake of your kid. It doesn't matter how many people you talked to and the suggestions they put forward to you you are the one and only person that can change your life because we always have the last wordand that word should be yes I am going to change for the better because life is worth living and enjoying, we are all behind you and we know that you will succeed because we have been there and it do's get better if you trip one day don't give up as you know that tommorow is a new day and a new challenge in life.

    Always think positive you prove to your Mum that she is in the wrong by inproving your and your kids life style and that way you will gain resect from all of them never look down always look ahead.

    Merry Christmas to you and your kid. You are in all of our thoughts.

  • Hi, going through a tough time at the moment aren't you.

    I can't imagine why a Mum puts her children down and I really can't identify with you on that as my Mum was lovely.

    But,you are doing so well going through Uni as a single parent so a great pat on the back for that.

    With the meds it may be that you have to take them for a short while to get you through this especially difficult time .

    I would visit your GP and talk to them about it and see if they have any suggestions to help you.

    Your son looks gorgeous and fun. All the best , Julie xx

  • thank you for replying...it is very difficult, my mother has been this way since i was a teenager and shes not stopping. She will say that she only says stuff when she's angry and that she doesnt meant it, but its been going on my entire adult life...shes repeated the same demeaning thing over and over again...only now, she's taken to facebook, her and her sister...i have stayed away from her for over a year thinking that she will stop, but its only making her carry on even more....dont know what to do...

  • Hi

    You are doing really well to be coping with such a lot - Uni and being a single parent, one of those on its own is hard enough! Coping with your mum's attitude towards you will be putting you under additional pressure - it's always sad when a parent makes their child feel less confident rather than more so. Your mum must be a very unhappy person to need to make you feel bad and holding onto that knowledge may help you separate from her a little - what she says is not necessarily true, it is simply what she says for her own reasons. Probably she brings resentment with her and needs to find someone to blame. Hold onto the fact that you love your son and want to do very differently for him by the sound of things. Your mum's attitude towards you does not have to continue to determine your life, so feel sad about HER and good about yourself for how you are doing things differently AND improving yourself. Well done for having done therapy too - as someone in therapy but who is also a trained therapist I know how much courage it takes to face difficult feelings week after week! Your son does look gorgeous, and fun, he is definitely enjoying his life, so keep loving him and realise you are worth more than your mother's comments about you.

    Suexx

  • thank you Rose...the CBT I did last year was all about what u say...I only did it through my uni so it was limited time...i learned some but maybe it wasnt enough sessions...I dont know if I go to my GP if they will refer me to one...

  • Hi, within most areas you will be entitled to more CBT if you are still struggling and if CBT still isn't enough then you are entitled to be referred to secondary services for assessment for other forms of therapy. Suexx

  • I have problems with my mother and so do lots of people so it doesn't mean that you are a bad person or a bad daughter or are going to be a bad mother yourself.

    I don't think putting up with it because she is your mother is the answer - despite what other members of the family are telling you. I don't know if you are a religious person but the commandment in the bible is not that you have to love your parents but that you should respect them and actually respect is a two way street - to me that means that you don't have to put up with behaviour that is unacceptable just because the person concerned is your parent. People are really difficult to fathom because there is so much going on below the surface that we don't see. May be your mother is ill but if she is then she needs to be open about it. I don't know if this will help but I would suggest being firm with her and letting her know that you are there if she needs you but you are not going to just sit there/stand there and take abuse from her. If it's happening on the phone just say that you have to go and put the phone down, but would be good to settle the boundaries on what is acceptable behaviour first.

    In terms of your son - try not to worry about it. He needs lots of cuddles and support and I'm sure that is what you are giving him and will continue to give him. Talk to him openly and as honestly as you can about what you are going through because however much you try to hide your moods he is going to pick up on something - the important thing is to let him know that it isn't because of him, that you love him to bits and he is one of the good things in your life that helps you to keep going. The real danger if you aren't honest is that he will pick up on things, and put two and two together and make the five that says he is in some way to blame and that is a really slipper slope.

  • My son is a cuddler...he doesnt wait for any special occasion to cuddle...he does it ALL the time...and I find myself missing him like crazy during the time he's at school...I think maybe I depend on him too much for emotional support...its too much for a 5yr old...

    Thank you for your advice...have a blessed Sunday...and where I am not overly religious, I like to think of myself as being a spiritual person...only my spirit has been shot to hell over the years...I am thinkin of taking up meditation when i get a chance...just try anything to help me with some sort of peace of mind...

  • Meditation sounds like a very good idea - hope you do manage to find a suitable group ... and you might find Mindfulness: a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world by Mark Williams and Danny Penman a good book to look at - it comes with a CD of meditations and is based on an 8 week course in Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)

  • thank you for the recommendation...I am addicted to amazon so I am about to consult with it for the book... :)

  • Sorry to hear read about your mother's behaviour - can relate to that as my problem with my mother has a lot to do with her anger - never was continual but it just used to be random and would totally destroy me ... she's probably doing the facebook thing to try and get a response from you. Understand how hurtful it is but still think the best thing is not to rise to any of it and ignore it as best you can ... though you can always have a moan here.

  • I never answered her...not even when she was in my face telling me how i am not worth anything and she should have had an abortion (years ago)....I used to think that its stress that has her behaving that way cause she lost her husband when she was pregnant....but I have come to realise that the mess was going on before her husband and it has been over 16 and a half years and she is still behaving that way...

    thing is that I spent so many years being depressed, i kept away from people, didnt go anywhere (like go out with friends), didnt socialise period (had to take care of my brother too - she would tell me I cant)...now, I dont like going anywhere, i feel out of place...

    my day is like this - weekdays - take son to school, go to uni, pick son up, go home...repeat next day...when i get home on friday most times I dont leave the house again until Monday morning...sometimes i have to drag myself out because of my son...I dont want him to be a recluse like me and taking him to the cinema or for a train ride or just a long bus ride is very rewarding, cause he loves those things...I used to go to the gym, havent gone in like 6 months...because I have so much work to do at university now i hardly have the time...I keep telling myself i have to wait until I am done with my dissertation - thing is tho, i think that is just an excuse...smh...

  • You know, you can't do everything! You are studying full time and doing your best for your son, and that's all anyone can do. When you feel more supported you will find the strength to move on, meanwhile do give yourself credit for what you ARE doing! Suex

  • Hi sounds as if you both have difficulty with separation, perhaps turned to one another as security. He will take his lead from you, when you can feel secure enough to almost forget him at times when you know he is safely cared for at school then he will start to become secure enough to get on with his life without needing cuddles all the time. Try to get your own needs met and that will set him a good example. I think seeking further therapy with help you do that. Suex

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