Above & Beyond
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How to ask about people’s demons

I suffer from depression my other half currently really ill bit on week 4 of a depressive downer where he shots off goes to work then locks himself away in his flat . Takes upto a week of callls and messaging to get him to click on his brain and then come back to earth and resume contact . Don is a trigger for him I know his traits on stress and depression . Yesterday after rushed to hospital and me calling and texting he tells me I shouldn’t say i love him while he has all his demons . I never judge him always tell him I’m happy to climb in the black tunnel and wait with him till he is ready to come up. I never try to fix him or say what’s wrong as we know it means nothing and helps no one . BUT how do I ask about his demons I’m sure it’s from the ex who was nasty . Brutal and abusive but I think there is more to it how do you get to know and understand someone’s demons . The I want to hang myself I can get him out of that feeling and he knows I’m there and he says I’m the only one who has ever cared and wanted him for who he is . He won’t show affection or rarely tells me so I know he means it when he does. But yeah it’s hard to not feel upset .I mean nothing and crawl back under a rock .I feel if I knew how to approach the demons in his head we could try and help alittle . Like I give him one job go have a shower and I wash up . Or I clean the flat so it’s doesmt get too much for him .

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Hello Tattoogirl73 and welcome to our supportive Community.

First of all can I send big apologies for deleting your post in error this morning. It was me.

Reading your post you are incredibly understanding and supportive of your other half while suffering depression yourself. Clearly you mean so much to your other half, even though as you say he does not tell you often. He clearly has difficulty expressing how he feels about you maybe from his 'ex' maybe from his past.

I know he is in hospital at the moment so him getting better is paramount. Please make sure you get some rest too Tattoogirl73, although I know it is hard when you are visiting your other half in hospital too.

Are you receiving any support? I am not sure whether you take any anti-depressant medication but if your depression is getting worse then please make an appointment to see your GP and tell him how you are feeling. Your GP may be able to arrange some support for you too if you think you need it.

Tattoogirl I know you enquired about your other half's demons. It is a difficult one, you know your man well and when would be an appropriate time to gently raise this issue. Your other half may not be ready to discuss his demons with you. He may not be able to face them himself. Or he may be open to talking to you about them. If your other half is receptive to talking then bear in mind that his emotions could become very intense. It may be an idea to try and work out how you may react and what you may feel. Also will you be able to support your other half. Do you have support in place for yourself if you need it.

You could be opening a 'can of worms,' so take care Tattoogirl.

We are always here to support you in any way we can, take care

Lottie x

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Hi cheers no he does tell me stuff with ease . From day one we first met 20 yrs ago and clicked and have done so again . I’ve upped my meds’ had a mini breakdown at work with the M.D. but he knows now and I’m working .hard . Other half is stressing in his job this year he says it’s the worst one he’s done works a lot on building work ground work. I think a lot has happened and I think even he knows I’m not going anywhere I keep telling him that he knows I’m here to stay when he is going down I tell him I’m here call me when your ready . So I feel asking about his demons is the next thing . You see when he is scared like at the hospital he says things to try push me away so I know he doesn’t mean it then next minute he’s all nice like he panics . He knows I’m not going anywhere but his head I feel tells him I am . It’s why when I ask him I’m going to do it in stages so he doesn’t feel stressed the odd question here and there then he will let it out . He has told me a bit I think he just scared to let go I think

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Hello Tattoogirl73 and thank you for your reply.

It sounds like you are so aware of your other half's feelings and the best way to support him which is a credit to you lovely to see.

Your other half clearly trusts you and I am sure he will share more with you when he is ready.

I wish you well Tattoogirl73, we are always here,

Lottie x

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