Hope this isn't the wrong place to ask this...

[HopingForHelp]

My partner is currently living with depression. It's been several years, but this last year has been the hardest by far. I try to read up as much as I can so that I avoid the obvious things like telling them to cheer up etc. but how do we go about dealing with the daily issues that are slowly destroying our relationship? I can find lots of support for people with depression, but I was wondering if anyone knew of any good sources of support for people living with people living with depression?

[Gambit62]

It's really difficult living with someone who has depression ... or at least I imagine it is from the other side of the fence. Your partner is probably feeling like a problem. It's really difficult to talk about to someone who isn't depressed because the usual reaction is that they want to understand and you know that they can't understand because they haven't actually experienced it and the only way to understand is to experience so you end up going round in little circles explaining but not being understood with both parties getting more and more frustrated - but you may well have found that out from your reading.

The best advise I can give is to actually make it quite clear that you know you are never going to understand but you are there and you are happy to listen if they want to talk ... and it's okay if they don't.

In relation to the daily issues you obviously do need to find some common ground and a way of talking that is constructive and involves both of you finding solutions. Have you come across a way of communicating called 'non-violent communication'.

The following is a link to information on one-book on the subject that a friend of mine, who is very into it, enthuses about

amazon.com/Nonviolent-Commu...

The underlying principle is a way of avoiding personalising the problem - by giving you a non-personal way of formulating and expressing the problem.

You might also want to consider something like RELATE which would give you the chance to talk through finding a way of communicating about daily things with a trained counsellor who can make sure that both of you are being heard.

I'm not aware of any group that deals specifically with supporting people who are supporting depressives though there probably is a support group out there somewhere.

[HopingForHelp]

Thanks, that's really helpful, I will have a look at the communication link you've provided.

We have considered relate, I think its probably a good idea before we self-destruct!

[Gambit62 in reply to HopingForHelp]

You might find it useful to join the Action on Depression community - it's a little more active than this group.

[Evee]

Hi, the best bit of advice I can give is don't tell your partner to snap out of it, its the worse thing you can say. Hope this is helpful and good luck

[HopingForHelp in reply to Evee]

Hi Evee. Thanks, I try really hard not to say those sort of phrases.

I think what really gets to me is that when we met many years ago he was such a different person. I don't blame him for changing, I blame me! I feel like its something I've done and so now I feel like I need to fix it.

This is my problem to get over because I know that this isn't helpful to either of us, but that's why I was hoping there was some support groups.

It even got to the point where I went to the doctors because I thought I was depressed, but I'm not, I'm just reflecting his moods. Plus constantly walking on egg shells means that I'm now taking anti-anxiety tablets to calm myself down whenever he's around.

We're slowly alienating all our friends by either arguing, not coming out because we've argued or because one of us will remove ourselves from the situation to try and prevent an argument.

All in all it's been a pretty rubbish year. But we still love each other and want to make it work, but every day is a struggle and it just doesn't seem to be getting any better.

Sorry, that was probably an overshare, but I thought I would take advantage of an anonymous place to let it out

[BRN873 in reply to HopingForHelp]

Apologies fro the late response and I can offer no real useful advice, but as someone who is living with someone who has depression and a host of other mental issues (without recognising them all I might add) their issues will eventually wear on you and make you ill, believe me I speak with some experience here.

I decided not to take the usual route of GP advice which probably meant a lifetime of pills and deal with it myself, the only action I've take that you might find helps is find yourself a good Chinese Doctor and have a course of acupuncture.

It's not cleared all my symptoms (stress/anxiety etc) but it has re-balanced my system and I feel an awful lot better now than I did 6 weeks ago.

Good luck

[ec28]

Hiya,

I strongly recommend visiting this site: mypartnerisdepressed.com it has been a huge help to me