How do you stop hating yourself?

I hate myself through and through.

I feel so sad and anxious all the time it makes me feel sick. I constantly let my mind flick to things which I'm disappointed in myself about or when times were better, and compare the situations. I ask questions to myself like 'how did you get here?' and every answer is 'because theres something wrong with you: this would never happen to anyone else'. This dialogue is forever on repeat. I can't take it. I look at other people all the time and think why can't I be like you - why am I so inadequate? I hate myself. Theres so many things id like to do better or be better. I used to be someone who loved going out weekly, I couldn't stay in. Id constantly be out doing something with friends. But now the only place I feel safe is my bedroom. What is wrong with me?

2 Replies

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  • Hello vh005056 and welcome to our friendly and supportive Community. Thank you for explaining the difficulties you are experiencing and how they affect you so clearly. This demonstrates that you are self-aware which is very positive.

    I am not sure whether you are aware that we all have an inner voice, also called self-talk, that we listen to. This inner voice can become negative and over critical if fed negative messages by others and/or by ourselves, for example 'I hate myself' or 'because there is something wrong with me.' Over time when our self-talk is repeatedly negative we start to believe it, this can then have a negative effect on our self-esteem and confidence.

    We can all learn to turn off this negative/over critical inner voice by being willing to choose not to take on board negative messages we hear from others or ourselves and replacing any negative messages with positive ones. Your self-esteem and confidence will improve which hopefully will reduce your anxiety and lift your mood. I believe It is an invaluable life-skill to learn having been in a similar space to yourself and turning my inner voice from self-hate to self-love. It does take work and practise and I would suggest you visit your GP (if you are in the UK) and ask for some support. Perhaps from a counsellor who maybe has CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) experience. It would be a good idea to talk about how your anxiety is affecting you and how you are feeling too. Maybe print your post and this reply and take this with you to your GP if that would help.

    Please let us know how you get on. We are always hear to listen and support you.

    Lottie x

  • Hello dear, first of all you are not the only one. This can and had happened to thousands or even more including myself . Also I would like to mention I'm still recovering in some manner.

    I never had friends and there are only 3 members in my family , non of them really understands me. But I'm still happy of course I do feel sad and gloomy at times , there also are days I spend crying but I know that is completely normal and happens with everyone.

    I would like to suggest some of the things that are helping me recover. Some of these might or might not work for you cause we all are different you know but some will definitely make things better.

    1. Clean your house.

    This is one of my favourite. Living in a clean and clutter free environment soothes our brain and we feel like doing things.

    2. Journal

    Writing down your thoughts and whatever is there in your mind releases a considerable amount of stress. But I'm not just talking about a regular journal you should also keep a journal for exercise , food and sleep. I record all of these in the same notebook I call it my health journal. So you also start to keep one it all surely help. If you want more infomation read about it or ask me.

    3. Exercise

    I know have heard it a lot of time but it does work that is why it has been mentioned by so many people you can choose any exercise but keep in mind start small if you are new. I love doing yoga and I also do cardio. If you want to know how it will affect your brain or how would it help. I would like to prefer you a book it is called spark by John J. Ratney.

    4. Meditate

    I don't think I need to explain. But I would surely give you some advices start small, meditate twice in a day once after waking up in the morning and second before sleep at night. Files or even 2 minute sessions will work. Zenfriend great app try it.

    5. Cook for yourself

    I live in a hostel so I can't do that but you surely can . Cooking for yourself has many benefits like you eat healthy, it gives pleasure , and a sense of satisfaction.

    (Note: This one might or might not work for you because I have never done any research about it, it is just my own experience I love cooking for myself and I cannot Express how I feel it is so soothing and satisfying I hope it is not just me I hope it works for you too but I cannot assure you it will)

    That is all for now. Whenever you feel down feel free to talk and always remember you are not the only one. This is just a feeling and it will pass away, it's natural happens with everyone. Have a good night dear.

    Love Mannara

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