Above & Beyond
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watching my life fall apart

my life has been to good, everything has always been so easy and fun, I thought it was because I was smart and made good choices. I did what I knew or felt like was the right thing. I have always worked and provided for my family, spoiled my children and am generous with all my friends. I have always believed you reap what you sow, so I try to put as much good out into the world as I possibly can. I have always believed that God created us to be servants to one another, take care of each other. I have no problems making sacrifices for the ones I love and have never really been able to put myself first. Up until now that system has worked out for me as when ever something would go wrong something else would go right and things would always balance themselves out. I am so lost! I just need something to go right, well I need a few things to go right and a break from new problems. lately it feels like its one thing after another going wrong! It is like my house is on fire and as soon as I get one put out, there is another one, and another one... I can not keep up and I am watching everything I love burn to ashes

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Hi there Endlessnightmare

Welcome to our Community.

You are such a caring person, I really feel for you but this sounds like a warning that it's time to take care of yourself for a while. Time to step back from the responsibility of looking out for those that can help themselves, just for a while. You need a break and if you still feel overwhelmed, do g and have a chat with your Dr. but I suspect it's 'me time' you need.

Take care

Chloe

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it sounds good and is probably just what I need to do, seams easy enough, time for myself. If only my mother shared this view, any time I leave to do anything at all even go to the grocery store she starts in with her screaming, mean, hurtful, hateful comments how I am a horrible mother who doesn't want to take care of my daughters, or how I should be picking up, cleaning up or doing anything but leave the house. When I do go any where she has my daughters call me over and over, she is mean to them and I immediately come home. It is so bad that my daughters start freaking out when ever they see me getting ready to leave, they will cry and hold on to my legs. they know I will be right back, I feel so guilty cause their dad abandoned them and I am not currently giving them the kind of life I want for them.

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Hi Endlessnightmare

You poor woman, how awful for you. I take it you either live with your Mother or you have no choice but to ask her to help out otherwise I know what I'd do!!

Take good care of yourself

Chloe x

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you are right about both. She insisted I move in with her once I caught my husband using drugs (a year before my 2 year long Divorce started) Nothing I have ever done has been good enough for my mother, she doesn't understand me or try to. Even though after my father passed in 07 I have completely supported her financially, paying off our family home, buying her a brand new car, paying for everything she could not afford like taxes and insurance. Her main source of income was the 200 dollars a week I paid her to watch my Daughters. A few years ago she started to receive my fathers pension and social security so she needed me less and less. Through out my life she has always expressed disappoint with my choices and is always criticizing me. When I was little I felt very loved, she did love me, helped me when I needed it, took care of me when I was sick, she was a good mom (except for all the criticizing) She loves my children (but puts me down in front of them and tells them my every mistake) she plays with them and hugs and holds them, she takes care of them when I am unable to. In the past taking care of my mother was not an issue but as my income has dwindled to nothing, I can barely take care of my daughters or myself, she has become so angry. She says the most hateful, hurtful things and right in front of my children. She believes she is in the right and entitled as she is now taking care of my children. She kicks me out saying she can't stand me " Just Leave" I used to go I would stay the night with my best friend. Now I just stay as she tells my children I have abandoned them. It is out of control, just a toxic environment. During my Divorce I could not buy or dispose of anything, all my assets were frozen. I was using the car I bought my mom to go to work until four months ago when she took my set of keys and told me I had used her car long enough. I lost my Job and it has been one problem after another since! It's not her fault my life went to sh*t, she should not have to take care of me and my children like this, but she defiantly does not have to add to my problems or make things more difficult. I know this is temporary, it could be worse, things will get better but I do not see an end insight and I can not live like this anymore

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This is such an awful situation Endlessnightmare

The problem is she has put you in a position you can't seem to get out of. If it were me, I would find another job and fast and save as much as I could and get your own place. I know she babysits but maybe you could take a nanny or such like( just a suggestion) but you do need to change something to help you out of that toxic environment.

I'll have a think meanwhile and do stay in touch.

Chloe

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If my horrible ex husband would simply pay the divorce settlement as the court ordered I would be fine. at the moment I am penniless. with no car it is not really possible to be gainfully employed in the area I live. something has to give...

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