confused

[maddyleene]

I think I have relationship anxiety, and keep believing that my partner thinks they've made the wrong decision in being with me or that I'm annoying them or being too clingy. I think this might be because of a past relationship I had when the person avoided me for ages even though everyone kept telling me I had done nothing wrong. Ever since that, whenever I've had a relationship or even a new friendship I keep getting paranoid that I'm annoying them and it really lowers my already low self esteem, not to mention it makes me feel very sad and cannot help but think about what an irritating person I am. I think even just writing this makes me realise that I'm probably overthinking everything but then the feelings will come back anyway. Sorry this is so long and probably pathetic but I don't know who else to speak to.

[Natsteveo]

Hello maddyleene and first of all welcome to our community I hope that you will find comfort here and realise you are not on your own...when we are made to believe that we are worthless or annoying it sticks in our minds permanently and so with you ex telling you that you are you've probably already convinced yourself that's what you are but seriously you are not being annoying at all...have you sat and spoke to your partner and explained how you feel I think if you speak to them about it you will find they don't think your annoying at all..after suffering all my childhood and teen abuse I then I was mentally drilled I was worthless brainless and a nobody it's only been the past 2 years I've learned how to train myself that I'm not in worth more and so are you try not to be so hard on yourself sweetie your not annoying to me I think you have some anxiety and depression there too which makes us feel 10 times worse than it does anyway keep your chin up you will get there in time hope this helps

Love Nat xx

[maddyleene in reply to Natsteveo]

this did help me, thank you I was thinking of speaking to them but wasn't sure, but you have encouraged me that its the right thing to do. Its great that you've learnt to train yourself I'm happy for you thank you so much again! xxx

[Natsteveo in reply to maddyleene]

Your very welcome and I'm glad I can be some comfort to you you will get there in your own time it takes a while but with the support that I know u have u will be fine just believe in yourself and keep telling yourself I'm not annoying I'm fabulous I'm worth more than I realise I deserve to be happy and loved xxx

Love Nat xx

[Hidden]

Hi maddyleene

Well done for taking the step to seek help from Above and Beyond.

You describe your lack of self esteem and how it affects you very well. We are all very good at listening to negative comments and taking them on board and not so good at listening to the positive ones.

You now find yourself doubting your worth in new relationships and friendships.

I think you need to take a step back and not be so hard on yourself. Take a deep breath and relax. I am sure your partner would only be with you if he liked to be with you. Do you feel able to ask him or her? Look at any friendships you have, clearly you are liked otherwise people would not value you as a friend. Have you a close friend you could talk this through with.

Maddyleene, it is about believing in yourself. Have you ever tried affirmations? When I was struggling with self esteem I wrote "i AM AN OK PERSON" on several cards and placed them in prominent positions around my home. I did not believe them straight away but slowly I did start to believe them. Do you think this is something that may work for you?

I wish you well Maddyleene, please let us know how you get on. We are always here to support you in any way we can.

Lottie x

[maddyleene in reply to Hidden]

thank you so much Lottie this has been really helpful and assuring ill try out the affirmations too! xxx

[Hidden in reply to maddyleene]

So glad I could help maddyleene. You may find other people's suggestions helpful too. You take care, Lottie x

[koizumi]

long ago I was there! I'm a lot older now, so probably 'distance lends enchantment' for me. Don't give up!, Maddy. I suspect there is more to your problem; that is not my business. How old are you? I ask this impudent question because you need to improve your self-image. So why not treat yourself to a new hairdo or makeover or a new dress? Or perhaps join a gym or other social club. This hopefully will take your mind off what's bothering you.

Good luck.

[maddyleene in reply to koizumi]

thanks, koizumi I'm a young adult so I guess its pretty normal to have low self esteem still. thank you for the suggestions ill try them out, there is a gym near me too xx

[koizumi in reply to maddyleene]

Maddyleene: You have to make the first step--good on you! Do you have any family support? Trouble is, family members are sometimes too close to confide in. You have your whole life ahead of you. go for it!

[maddyleene in reply to koizumi]

Its true there's always the fear of being judged, and being negatively judged from someone close can be especially hurtful, but I will have a go at speaking to my mum or someone close, thanks again!

[koizumi in reply to maddyleene]

Pleased to hear it, Maddyleene! And how nice to read clear English.

[Ronnie282]

No l am almost the same but add in some jealousy on a side order. We are much alike.

[maddyleene in reply to Ronnie282]

hey Ronnie, its good to know there are others who can relate. I hope these comments can help you too, good luck

[Shayharr]

Hi Maddyleene,

Firstly, let me say. You are not alone. I do believe the thought of your partner leaving is due to the scars that have been left from your past relationship. The brain has a tendency to hold on to these feelings/experiences and apply them to similar ones.

I can relate to your story in that my father was not around during my childhood. He left when I was a baby and I've only seen him once. For me, this made me feel less valued because in my head, if I was valuable/important, he would have stayed. All my relationships were like this & I troubled greatly with anxiety. I can say I improved over time by constantly reading positive affirmations. We are all unique and we all have value to give to the right person. The right person will notice and also appreciate that. Knowing your worth is the first step. Talking down to yourself is a no no. Always try to tell yourself positive things and counter any negative thoughts with positive ones. Find your talents and develop on them.

Lastly I'd say, the person in your last relationship did not know or appreciate your worth. I would say just work on being comfortable in your own skin, its amazing how much people fall in love with the fact that we love ourselves unapologetically. It will take some time but you will get there. You are enough Maddyleene!

Best Wishes,

Shay

[maddyleene in reply to Shayharr]

thank you for the advice, shay!

[ems34x]

Hun my paranoier is bad, I constantly feel like I'm not good enough and when my fiance gets messages from other women just feel like it's them he wants! I feel so low about it, feel like I'm going out of my mind. Just wish it would stop.