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Above & Beyond
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I am a staff nurse. I came to west wales to build a new life following a marriage break up. He was abusive in ways that do not leave bruises. I am a good nurse. Attitudes in the West are different here. Racism and bullying prevail. I challenged the dignity of an ethnic colleague who was being bullied. She left for London. She is happy. Result. I am leaving too as I feel I was made to suffer for raising the issue. I feel suicidal. Crying. Mood swings. Anxiety and depression. Starting all over again. Feeling alone. Uncertainty about the future. Tired from working all the time to fund the move home. If i could fall asleep and never wake up is all I can think about. I do not know what to do.

2 Replies

Don't give up. Maybe move and see it as a fresh start and a chance to truly be yourself. Do the simple things that make you happy and occupy your mind. Easier said than done I know but it can help. I'm at the point in my life where I want to move house but can't afford it. I'm in a job that I hate and my 'friends' are too self centred and childish to see that I need help. Try distracting yourself with a hobby, for example, I've been doing some DIY (basically painting garden furniture) but those few hours spent outside have helped a little.

Maybe also get a pet. The fact that I know I have two little kitties that need me gives me the will to get out of bed in the morning. They also give me cuddles when I feel down. It helps more than anyone would know.

I hope you manage to find some help from this reply, and comfort in knowing you're not alone. Also as a nurse you know you should go and seek help from the doctor. Maybe a change in medication will help too.

Sending you love and healing. x

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I'm very sorry you feel like this. I've felt the same way...Well, I've wished I were dead and that was a shocker to me cause I used to love life. It's horrible.

A few good things I see in you and maybe you could try to focus on those: You got out of an abusive relationship. Hell yes you!!

You have moved (and are trying again?) to build a new life. That's awesome. You are taking action on things and not just waiting for things to happen to you. YOU are making changes.

You say you are a good nurse. That's wonderful that you see that in yourself. Keep building on that. That's an accomplishment and an achievement to be proud of.

You're fighting racism and bullying!! Again, AWESOME. You are speaking up...Again, you take action and I think that is so important. Especially during depressed times.

Perhaps you could try to find a therapist? Counsellor? I'm looking for one myself although I think that they won't understand. It's silly but I must do something.

I wish you the best and I hope things get better for you.


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