When friends don't understand

[hh1992]

Hi,

I have a 12 year long history with depression and anxiety. I have good spells and bad spells and I am currently going through a bad spell. I have had to get a new career in order to help my depression as I have been suicidal and the high pressure environment that I was in wasn't helping.

Although I am on the mend, I still have down days where I need to vent  to friends and it just helps to have someone to speak to. I try to talk to my friend but she doesn't understand what I am going through. She got mad when I told her that I was suicidal and tells me to 'snap out of it'. She thinks that she is helping me by being honest and telling me that I'm too negative all of the time. It is extremely upsetting when you can't even talk to your best friend.

It's turned me against all of my friends and I am scared to talk to anybody about my problems in case they hurt me in this way again.

I feel so alone and that I have no friends who understand me

Anybody else have this problem?

[Iluvhorses]

I have this problem with my Dad. He mocks my communication about my depression. I've taken medical leave from school because of it and he tries to make me feel bad for taking a break. I've had people call me crazy, but luckily I have a network of true friends who dont judge me. Regarding the negativity, I'm a Christian so I lay it all on God's doorstep. That's just the way I handle it, but it's fine if you prefer to do things differently.

[Megumu]

Hi. I'm also a long term sufferer of depression, social anxiety and other mixed mental illnesses, for over twice my life. It's a great annoyance to find people telling me to "just do it" when I try to explain I have trouble doing anything and need help. Even people who also suffer from mental illnesses, who you'd expect to empathise have told me to get out, do things I struggle to do on a day-to-day basis. So I understand and know the trouble this can cause.

Can I advise on what to do? I'm looking for the solution myself, trapped that I am in my own little world trying to grab the little help that I can from the few people that listen.

Give the people that will listen time to understand. Try and help them understand and try and get medical understanding into them. Don't get too frustrated with them when they don't understand as friends are a real help, even if it's just someone to talk with.

While I am a very negative person myself. I do my best to contain that around the few people that want to talk to me. Keeping it to a minimum. Simple because I know, if I offload too much on them, constantly, they will get sick of it. Although I also know, if I don't talk about it a little, it just increases my anxiety, stress and depression even more.

[hh1992 in reply to Megumu]

Hi,

Thanks for replying. Well I'm still really hurt by the things my friend said and I have blocked her so she can't speak to me anymore. I appreciate that some people don't understand but she was really nasty and told me that she didn't have time for me being negative.

She is meant to be my best friend and I don't really have any other friends to talk to which is why it hurt me so much. I've decided to not have her in my life at this time until I feel better as the things she said made me feel alone, and when I feel alone I want to kill myself.

I have an amazing partner and a sister who understand so I think I will just speak with them and figure I don't need friends who are going to be nasty at this time of my life.

[Explaintome]

Hi, Ive read your post and unfortunately I don't have any advice. I do not suffer from depression but my partner does (well he broke up with me just now because he is having a bad episode). We are still in contact because I seem to be the only one who knows how bad he is. I'm trying to understand what is it he is going through and trying to help him.... But I don't know how! I think the best way for me to help is to understand what is going through his mind and as megumu said, understand the medical reason behind it. Can her talk to her heart to heart? I bet she does not realise the damage she has done.... If she does and is still not supportive, then maybe you are right in blocking her for now. 

[Coburn]

I understand you i know exactley what you're on about i have depressions myself and nobody can imagine what it's like to suffer when they never had a seizure. They think you're only imaging things, only people can go through that if they suffer from depressions themselves.If you like give me a message my E-Mail is:

[e-mail]

[Iain2017]

This all sounds very familiar, sometimes I find it hard to talk to friends because they often just don't recognise how anyone can feel like that, which is depressing in itself. Or sometimes I think that maybe they do have an understanding but they don;t want to admit it to themselves and so they just put a brave face on it. The trouble is a lot of people who are healthy just assumes if everyone else just did the things they did like getting a house, having a partner, having a family and a dog then the person suffering from mental health problems would be okay! And I don't think that's the case, it's about creating the healthiest environment for yourself and not following others thinking that if I just emulated them then I will be happy. Good post.