I sit here typing and all I can think of is that life is empty. Nothing seems to excite me or bring me out of my zone of reality not having anything of worth in it.
I find myself wanting to rebel against the system and do something extreme just so life isn't boring or empty. I'm male, 28 and currently working full time in a job I couldn't give a damn about, studying a degree full time and learning 3 languages. If I don't keep busy I feel like I life will just devour me and I'll wake up in 50 years time and not have a clue where life went.
The best way to describe how I'm feeling is the Edgar Allen Poe poem called the raven; a few lines in particular:
"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;"
The dream I keep seeing is running away and starting a new life; a life of excitement and passion, in a country where no one knows me; where I can be a new person rather than a shell of a man that life forgot about...
You see my trap? By not allowing myself to abandon everything my partner, my degree, my family and friends I feel life is nothing but a cage of stagnation and fetid decay.
I've been down the route of antidepressants and CBT before but neither worked for me.
how can I have closure on immeasurable grief that's as raw today as exactly a year ago?
Im new here and im suffering alone
New Here, Help Please
Feeling lost and Empty 
