No control

I have been separated from my wife for just over 14 months when she left me for a work colleague after cheating 3 other times I know of. We were together 24 of which 10 of them married. I have struggled to cope and have been diagnosed with depression and given Citalopram. I can manage to put her out of my mind during the day as I can distract myself but my unconscious mind I have no control over and very often wake up in tears from dreams that upset me. The problem is it then puts me on a downer for the rest of the day!

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  • I find myself not wanting to sleep as I can't cope with the anxiety I get going to bed thinking it will happen again.

    Has anybody else experienced anything similar??

  • I had similar last year after my husband ask for divorce. It's like killing you slowly while you're asleep....you just have to find way to get through it, that involves accepting the fact that your life is no longer the same and work focus yourself how to get better and feeling positive again. Mine, I moved out away from my x, I went back here in the U.K. with my son and continue the things I missed in life; continuing my studies and makes myself busy and occupied all the time and of course pray to God to give me strength to learn to accept and let go of things...although nightmares sometimes visited me and seeing family walking around with their kids holding hand in hands still triggers what I've lost.

  • I don't know what it's like to separate from a partner whom you wouldn't what to leave and have been with for so long but would think it would be a calamity. For now and probably the next few years mentally you need to hang on and grind it out and accept you will suffer to varying extents - the extent may well be great at times and threaten to overcome you, but you have by the looks of it got through the worst already.

    The art of mind blocking is an excellent technique and highly recommended - I have done this for years. Your own conscience may accuse you of 'cheating' here or something similar, wanting to re-visit what is upsetting you and to sort it out - don't go there though, keep blocking, you have a right to control your thoughts to block damaging painful ones, but that is not always 100% possible.

    If you remain concerned about your nightmares, then ask God for protection and believe me they will stop !! unless he thinks it is in your own interest to have the occasional one, that's how he works.

    cheers

    Rich

  • I was told blocking Traumatic thoughts out was dangerous because you are supressing events rather than addressing them via professional help.

  • Professional help I think can only give you so much, might help a little it is difficult to say but I've never had that much.

    Traumatic thoughts matter when they are acting in such a way to prevent or slow you doing what you know you should do. I have a particular nasty memory that happened about 12 years ago maybe that when it comes back, as it does from time to time, and my mind effectivley starts to go down a deep well and effectively out of control. The way I deal with it if I can't block is to carry on doing what I'm supposed to, if the thought continues then it continues but your actions count for more, your actions are more powerful than your thoughts.

    I'll leave you with a spooky thought, don't always think that your thoughts are always yours, they can be disguised to seem as though they are yours but beware they could come from outside ie the spiritual realm

    In this it is best to have a humble mindset, almost that what you think doesn't really matter that much - that will stand you in good stead.

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