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Above & Beyond
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Is this it?

On a daily bases I work behind a bar, I constantly feel like I am being judged and ridiculed by the customers. When I come home from work I feeling like my parents ridicule me as well with simple things that make me feel worthless; yet they don't see it. I try to tell them but they brush it off with saying I am just making excuses. I have honestly never felt so helpless or lonely in life.

There have been times when I lay in my bed at night, struggling to sleep, think what would happen if I just never woke up? Would it be for the best? I know that I would not feel the loneliness and helplessness that I do and end up -more often than not- crying myself to sleep. Only to wake up in the morning to see myself in the mirror and listen to the voices saying I'm not good enough both physically and mentally.

I have no one to turn too...

And the truth is, I'm scared.

1 Reply

Unlike your name suggests, you aren't no one. There is support out there to help, not just here talking to the likes of us who are in the same position as you, but professional services too. You can turn to us, and I'm sure you could turn to your parents if you can get them to really listen to you. It might help to write them a letter explaining how you feel. But remember, try not to make accusations, just be clear that you have felt judged and ridiculed by them, not that they ARE judging and ridiculing you. This opens up a way of talking about things and will make them consider how to do it better without feeling as if you are against each other.

Try to make an appointment with you GP, it can be so difficult to do this, particularly if you feel so unsupported at home too, but it is important you start on the right path towards feeling better than this.

There are many charities that can also help, Samaritans helpline is available 24/7 for someone to talk to, they will be able to listen and offer you more suggestions of support. There is also Elefriends, which is run by the charity Mind. They have a similar website and app to here, but it is specifically for people suffering with their mental health, and also has links to getting urgent help and support if you are in the middle of a crisis.

If you think that you might be about to act on your feelings, you must get urgent help. Call 111 or 999. Or go to A&E. Feeling suicidal is just as big an emergency as suspecting you might be having a heart attack.

Try not to be scared, it is hard and it is a scary prospect, not only to feel like this, but to face having to deal with these feelings too. It will get better though, with the right help and support.

Many of us have been where you are, and come out the other side of it, and it is a cliche, but stronger than we were before. You can do this, you can get through this and come out the other side of it, stronger for it.

Be brave, we are all here with you

Sunny x


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