My existential depression has not subsided at all....

So it has been over a year that I have been in a terrible, thick depression. I have tried multiple medications, multiple therapists and I have made an effort to change things for myself. But the problem is the root of my depression is on existential things. I truly believe that life is pointless and I don't know how to get out of thinking that. For me it makes everything seem like it is not worth it and has halted any of my previous ambitions and dreams. Because I just think..... what the hell is the ultimate point of any of it? I have lost all motivation and interest in life. Nothing appeals to me anymore. I don't want friendships, a relationship nor do I want any hobbies. I truly feel like I have reached a point where death is my only answer. That is a scary thought to think that perhaps I am too far gone to ever feel good again.....

It's not even sadness. It's apathy, it's lack of want and lack of desire. It's boring to live. It's the type of boring that is maddening at this point.

Does anybody know something that I can do to start feeling like life has meaning ? How can I start to enjoy things? Where can I find that motivation and that interest?

[loggerslot]

Hi There, there is a way out of the way you think. most people with depression have questioned their own existence about what is the point of it all. Even i have. my conclusion through answering my own questions is do something to please others and make others happy. when you see their smile it will make your life more worthwhile living. it's like charity but you're not helping out of pity or feeling sorry for others but making that positive difference in their life or lives so they are happy whilst not expecting someone to do the same for you otherwise you'll just disappoint yourself thinking with that expectation. There is very little point about worrying about something that you don't have any control over or don't know, as you don't know what the future holds for you. live as each day comes, don't worry about tomorrow and do something good for others and one day someone will do the same for you. you will eventually realize that this is the whole meaning of life and you do this when you get married and have kids, its for them, not you. My life made a turn around when I did charity work at a animal rescue centre for just over a year, as i like animals and the positivity helped me overcome most of my symptoms of depression and learn ways to deal with them.

[Poppy_4]

Hi chelsiehay,

I am so sorry you are feeling so bad - I can identify with what you have said as when I was younger I was suffering with depression in a similar way. Depression tricks you into thinking that everything is hopeless, when in fact it is not. And you feeling better is much closer than you think. Some people respond differently to treatment than others, and so sometimes it can take doctors longer to be able to help you, but you need to remember that you can and will feel better in the future. This is difficult as depression can make it almost impossible to think anything positive, I know. At my worst I was also thinking suicidal thoughts, and reading self-help books helped me a little. I know it's easy for me to say, but try to do things you enjoy. As i started to recover, my psychiatrist at the time told me to try to enjoy life - I thought he was mad! But over time I managed to learn how to do this. Sometimes depression can creep up on us so slowly we hardly notice it until we are at a point where we don't want to be alive any more. Recovery is also slow, but one day, probably in the near future, you will find yourself feeling not so bad, and gradually you will learn to be ok again. Please don't give up the fight - I have been there and am proof that there is life after depression. Good luck x

[PatrickKinsella]

Hi Chelsie

I felt exactly the same as you from September last year to March this year, and although it may sound ridiculous - things do get better.

I found 'Reasons to Stay Alive' by Matt Haig a really useful book during this time - he helped me install a 'bank of bad days' - whereby only the worst days went in this bank, and this therefore made the 'bad' days not seem as bad, when I compared them to the worst days in my bank. He also most importantly reminded me that there are a thousand other versions of me waiting around the corner from this depressive episode.

This is the part of your post I related most to - I don't want friendships, a relationship nor do I want any hobbies - and I can really say that this will change.

I hope you are able to experience the change that I was lucky enough to experience.

All the best

Patrick

[6stardust3]

Hello Chelsie, It's been a while since your post. How are you feeling these days?

[Hidden in reply to 6stardust3]

Worse than ever unfortunately.

[6stardust3]

I have been there! Tell me about yourself. What country are you in? What age range are you-teens, twenties, forties, etc. Do you live with others or alone? I will tell you about me too.