I am having Existential Depression and I am unsure how to deal with it....

I am stuck in a strong existential depression. At first I thought that it was a normal depression and that taking medications would make me feel better. After many trial and error medication attempts I have come to the conclusion that it is not what is making me depressed. What makes me depressed is living in this reality. I am a very deep thinker, almost excruciatingly so. I can't stop analyzing everything all the time. I am also very perceptive and can see through all the bullshit of the world. My parents worry about me and they have every reason to be worried. I haven't said anything to my friends because honestly I don't want many people to know about what I am feeling. I also know that not many people will understand it. I am currently going to go be goin go a CBT therapist and getting some psychological testing done.

The thing is.... I have no idea how to explain to any therapist how I am feeling. It seems that even they are blinded and can't see what I am saying. They say the reason why I feel that the world is meaningless is because of my depression. I completely disagree. I think I have an all too realistic view as to the what the world really is and it has made me depressed. There is literally no type of therapy that i have had that helps me with this depression....because it doesn't touch base on the real issue.

I am having an existential crisis and I don't really know where to turn? Has anybody had this type of depression before and figured out something that helped make it better? Everyday is a struggle. I see the world as so shallow, primitive and limiting. I don't enjoy the rat race. I don't follow the mainstream......

I have had these views of the world ever since I was a teenger. I am now twenty years old and I am starting to realize that the root cause is how much I think about things. I can't just turn it off and go back to a delusional ignorance is bliss mentality. I simply cannot do that. I know too much already and there is no turning back.

So how the hell do I cope with it????

[Gambit62]

I would strongly recommend looking at mindfulness meditation.

It sounds as if you are in a place where to some extent your thoughts are controlling you rather than you controlling them. Mindfulness meditation is not about emptying your mind of thoughts but about getting to a point where you realise that the thoughts come but you have a choice as to how you react to them - you can go with them or you can decide to do something else.

Doing it on your own is probably a bit much - though there are plenty of books out there on meditation - I'd really recommend joining a group so there is someone you can talk to about things - Buddhist meditation groups are good - other things that may help are yoga etc.

I found this book - which comes with a CD of meditations - helped me a lot 'Mindfulness - a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world' - Mark Williams and Danny Penman

It might also be worth monitoring your B12 and B9 levels. I suffered decades of depression and anxiety - and drugs didn't really helped - and it turned out to be a B12 absorption problem. Mind you getting that sorted out wasn't easy because it isn't a condition that GPs or medics as a whole really understand.

[loggerslot]

I know exactly how you feel. Now that you have described it, I also have the same issue but my issue has been more of integrating back from long time in isolation. my only issue is I don't stay shut about my views on people's behaviours and actually voice my opinions becuase i'm sick and tired of people's pittyful and selfish thinking.

my advice is if the world wants to go on the way you feel it is then let it. you need to be happy within yourself so the meditation advice given is very good, don't attach yourself to society or think about them too much but losely couple yourself to it for your own sanity, bit like don't glue yourself to them permanently but tie on like a very lose string and enjoy only the happier part of society.

[DefeatDepression]

Hey,

I'm completely in the same boat, have been for quite a long time, I tended to self medicate with booze and drugs. I stopped recently and began my blog instead Mattsmusings.org which the articles on there I suspect will ring very true to you. Unfortunately I've not found the answer yet but I'm encouraged by y coming on here that we might be able to between us, as it seems like we may have a few common threads.

I personally have intellectually come to the realisation that 'spirituality' as the masses call it is probably the way out, I've believed it for years but I can't seem to bring myself to practice it. The trouble with thinking is that it all but negates experiencing, as our experience is constantly tainted by perception and the constant questioning of that perception. I'm looking for a way to help the thinkers first and foremost, but I need a team. Has anyone read Napoleon hills think and grow rich? It's less materialistic than it sounds.. we need a existentialist depression master mind who's in?

[sonnyyy]

I was touched when i came across this, i am sorry to hear about your experience. It sounds like a tough journey, insightful in a sort of philosophical way and damaging in a demotivating sense. I wish you the best in your recovery!

i have had a very similar experience, with a mixture of ocd.

I recognise this was some time ago since your post and just wondered whether you would mind sharing your experience of CBT? Thanks

[Real-life]

You just explained a small part of exactlly how I feel