I've had severe depression all my life ( since 6 years old ) I'm now 48. I went for the name " stayinAlive" because that's what I intend to do. Just that. Each day is often a huge battle. I'm on the highest dose of meds that can be legally be given, and now I'm
Looking at electroconvulsive therapy. Anyone had any experience with it?
A close family friend is a consultant Psychiatrist, and he says he's seen many patients make great progress with this therapy, when all else failed to work. But obviously I would rather ask someone personally what it was like for them, and if they feel it's helped? As it all sounds very Frankenstein-ish. Plus our family friend is very eccentric looking LOL.
StayinAlive X
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Hi, I can only imagine what it must be like to live inside of the dark cloud all the time, I have been there for a few months that felt like an eternity so you are a lot more than staying alive you are a hero and a fighter. If I was in your place I would do my own research, read as much as you can about E.T. and it's dangers, but remember that the bottom line still is doctors don't have a clue why E.T. works, they just know that in some cases it does work and some times it does not and it causes irreversible damages to the brain. Fortunately we live in amazing times and knowledge is easily accessible, I would do my own I investigation, read as much as you can, discuss it with people who went through it but above all take back your power and make an informed decision. Even though I have not been through E.T. I am happy to talk about it as everything brain, mind interests me.
Thank you, I can tell you are a strong support to the group x
I can't help you with the particular therapy you are planning but I have suffered with depression, its worst for the first half an hour each and every day.
Have you ever read the Bible? Jesus Christ really is the answer to all our problems and he will take you through a process strengthening your character and resilience depending on his strength and not your own weakness - he promises never to let us suffer more than we can endure but at the same time doesn't promise that suffering doesn't come, its just that he is with us through and in it
ECT was much misused in the last century but it is now used much more responsibly and genuinely does seem to be a good therapy now - there have been several recent programs on the BBC looking into it and drawing the same conclusion - it most definitely isn't what it once was though I can't share a personal experience of it.
I suffered 40+ years of depression which eventually turned out to be down to problems with a vitamin B12 - it's not something that is generally looked into as there is a focus on anaemia and if that isn't present it doesn't get onto most medics radar - just mention as it may be worth looking into it as a possibility if it hasn't been specifically investigated before. Getting my B12 levels back to where I need them has basically given me a life after years of feeling that I was just existing waiting for the day when I didn't wake up in the morning and have to go through another day.
Wow, thank you for all that information, I know I have a lot of heavy metals in my body...and way too high, so I wondered if this too could also be a factor. And yes, like you I have often had B12 problems. So yes, worth looking into again. Mostly my pottassium levels are really low.
Suggest that you join the PAS forum if you want to look into B12. It's usually an absorption problem so taking tablets - unless they are really high dose - is unlikely to have an impact. Given what you say about low potassium I definitely wouldn't recommend trying to supplement B12 without medical supervision. Strictly the risk is when you are anaemic so also needing to correct an anaemia. May be worth getting your psychiatrist friend to look into the psychological effects of B12 if they aren't up on it already - it's had a bit more coverage in the last few years in relation to psychiatric disorders but still a low awareness.
I have been depressed (more on than off) since I was about 9 or 10 so I understand your great distress and "rage" at life, unfairness and absurdity .
I too have tried various medications which worked for a while until depression kept coming back with a vengeance . It's a mad vicious circle !
Unlike you I don't have any support apart from this website , no family or friends or work colleagues (long time unemployed & unemployable) no sympathetic doctor to turn to .
I sometimes go riding on the bus for hours just looking at people &streets or I sit like a shop
dummy somewhere in a shopping centre (I like the noise, hustle &bustle and lights . They make me feel alive and less lonely &invisible for a while) . I do admire your WILL TO LIVE either for yourself or others . So you have not reached the bottom yet and I do hope you never will because it's hell .
Excuse the rambling but I thought it might cheer you up a bit and reassure you there are plenty sufferers out there but not everyone wants to face the truth . A lot of people live in denial and that makes it worse .
I have read about ECT and I have been tempted like you . Anything is better than that kind kind of slow agonising death . I think you will have to do a lot of research/homework and make your own decision . Nobody can make up your mind fro you , especially if it is a crucial health issue . Please rememeber we are all individuals and therefor unique . There is no one size fit all solution and maybe no permanent solution .
Anyway I am very sorry for you and I wish you all the best in life .
Don't give up the fight and take one day at a time and take things as they come .
I would be happy to meet you for a friendly chat somewhere in London . I let you decide . I live in London SE13 but distance is not a problem .
Maybe you would kindly contact me through the HealthUnlocked site which I joined only days ago . I am Cecilia13 (but older than 13!) Just leave a message . It would be nice .
Cecilia, I feel for you so much! Everyone needs someone in life to lean on. Are there any depression support groups in your area? Or what about joining a church? Many churches have kindly, whacky people in them.
The company can be quite comforting this time of year. My social worker told me today, that there is a service of people who call regularly every week, or day, to have a chat with you, and see how your doing, I've signed up for that one, would it be something for you?
Sending you a hug! Stay strong Cecilia, each day or hour is a choice, always choose life. Join as many groups as possible, learn another instrument? You are worth it xx
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Constantly feel bored and empty, like life has no meaning. 
Am I a monster? What am I? 
I don't want to exist
