Feeling lost again.

[Polkadotfrog]

For a couple of years I've suffered from low mood, at the worst point I turned to controlling my food as I believed I didn't deserve to eat. I cried a lot, slept a lot and contemplated taking my life in my darkest times. Over the years a strings of bad relationships didn't help my stability.

However 2012 I met someone.. I believed he was different and more mature. Everything was great and I tried to leave my past behind, he seemed to accept me for who I am.

Recently I found text messages to other women and a string of other incidents. He has an excuse for them all, and I do want to believe them, but it's knocked me and I feel like I've spiralled into old ways. I did believe him in the end but the time spent arguing was very hard for me to cope with.

I finally grew happy and trusted a guy again... Dreamt of a future. Now I feel insecure, paranoid, unworthy and generally a fool. If I'm on my own for even an hour I sink to dark places, I feel to sick to eat and just withdrawn.

Even family issues now have emerged again to top it off and I'm at university studying to be a nurse believe it or not.

I don't ever see a way out, I'm tired of never being perfect and constantly broken down. I don't know how this will ever stop and I'll ever be able to be happy. I just want to start walking and never stop...

[Gambit62]

Just want to say that I can relate to a lot of the feelings of hopelessness and despair.

One of the tricks depression has is to make you focus much more on the negative side of things so you end up not noticing any of the positives but really what you need to do is find those positives - no matter how small they are and how meaningless they seem and focus on them - because it really is the pathetically small things - the ray of sunshine through the curtains - that actually make life bearable.

[AIH2009]

Hi,

I also know how to relate to the hopeless/degrading/"unhelpful" thoughts.

I have recently beat depression after 4 years of suffering with help from a counsellor.

During my last 6 weeks of councelling I ran a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). During our sessions I filled out a few worksheets that made me focus on the negative thoughts and feelings and try to really change them into a more positive outlook.

I found a website that provides these worksheets along with some other things like app links.

get.gg/freedownloads2.htm

I hope this helps and you can find some light at the end of the tunnel. Just remember that every cloud has a silver lining and that this horrible more times than not invisible illness can be beaten!

AIH2009 x