Need an opinion / advice!

[Heartbeat01]

I am 19 years old. I have suffered the sexual abuse as well as physical and mentally. While i was growing up, i was frustrated and easy tempered because of communication breakdown with my family due to deafness; this causes me to miss the first 5 years of life due to late diagnosis of deafness where i was completely muted since birth. People i got involved with in past 5 years has made me suffered and `puts up with it`. 2 years ago someone close to me who i would in middle of night when i was baby instead of my mum was my sister but she lied, broke promises and even pretended to swore on our family life as she was sleeping with my best mate for few months behind my back when i didnt approve which started the trust issues. I used to have best friend who i known for 9 years but then one day, she rejected me and wouldnt speak to me ever since. Now i am afraid of same thing happening with each of my close friends. There are more things i have suffered which feeded the trust issues but these two affected me the most. I have suffered from terrible bullying against my deafness and homosexuality which lead to missing most of my year 9 and changing schools. I've lived in pub for 9 years and whole time i suffered from loneliness which is most of my secondary school life. I have been in quite few situation where i have nearly committed suice but these past few months i would say things has got better but issues, thoughts and emotions are still there.

I have arranged one counselling session but i have never attended. I speak to Samaritans on the text service but it does not help me. I havn't been diagnosed with depression or anixety but i did took NHS self-mood assesment which says i have got high level for both.

The problem is i have spent years blocking out the suffering and negative emotions but now it feels like everything is catching up on me.

What is your recommendated advice or opinion? It would help me a lot right now as i would like to sort out my problems and issues and hopefully overcome it all...

[BRN873]

Hi

I don't know where to start - you have clearly suffered over the years and I feel extremely sorry for you.

But, and no doubt the reason for your post, you want to move forward and resolve all emotional issues, and the first step you must take is speaking with professionals.

You say you had a counselling session booked but you didn't attend ?

There are so many issues you have that must be resolved before you get anywhere near contentment with life, this can only be achieved with professional help.

The text service is not provided by mental health experts, they are volunteers who want to help people in need, they will have a degree of training but it's unlikely they'll have any relevant qualifications.

I would urge you to speak to the right people, make an appointment and honour it, any thoughts of self harm are a massive warning flag and this cannot be ignored.

It will take time, plenty of time, because from what you describe your issues go back many years, you won't overcome these with a pill and a couple of meetings, but if you really want to be happy and lead a contented life then you must commit to starting the process.

There is help out there, I know it can be hard facing your inner most thoughts but to reach the win line you have to do this.

I wish you well

[Heartbeat01 in reply to BRN873]

Thanks for your advice and an opinion. I will try and find the right people to help me but do you know any services that i can use that is effective and helpful?

[vastopensky]

Hi, so brave of you to seek help and risk telling us what you've been through, that in it's self is a huge step forward. There is certainly help available though it carries from area to area, and is often focused on a single issue rather than the multiple challenges that you have had to face. I'm not at all surprised that your struggling with things and you are right to seek help early. You might try emailing 'mind' the mental health charity for help regarding feeling suicidal and you might find that they run a few activities that you might be interested in where perhaps you could gain some knowledge of other places locally where you might find help. But also look in the telephone directory that comes through your door for sexual abuse and rape crisis services... the national rape crisis federation provides free counselling to those who need it... the national help line number is 0808 802 9999 hopefully they would have information they could give you about services in your area. Other than this you're kind of dependent on your GP as the gate keeper of services... this means they are the ones with the ability to refer you to many different services in your area... if you feel you can build up a relationship with a particular GP to the point where you can share your story and ask for help there that would be a very good step forward... remember you may need to tell them that you want to deal with the emotional issues now and ask what help they can offer you. Counselling on the NHS is sometimes limited to a small number of sessions, though consecutive referrals could perhaps be made your GP, they might not be happy to do so... which is why I suggested the rape crisis charity...I think that there the ones who could give you most continuity of care/support for a decent length of time. I hope that you find that they do offer support in your area of the country and that you can access it fairly easily. I'm sorry I can't be of more help. Do try to be kind and gentle to your heart and soul. You have had to be brave to get through the challenges life has laid before you... keep walking forward and reaching out for what you need, you're not alone in your struggles, you will get there in the end. K

[Heartbeat01 in reply to vastopensky]

I will certainly check out 'mind' website and see what i think. The GP services are not effective as i tried to get an appointment but the nurse failed to inform me the location, time and date- infact there was no contact at all. I appreciate the useful details and for the advice. Thanks.

[vastopensky]

Hi, your experience of your GP is not at all good and really service like that means you should complain... if it's truly as you put it and there's nothing else to consider, that's appalling care. Unfortunately you do sometimes have to keep returning to your GP and politely persisting and telling them you've been trying and how you've done that, so they begin to understand that your not being awkward you're just trying to get the service you deserve. Eventually they will usually listen... if not it might be time to try another GP. K

[Evee]

If you can't get your GP to refer you to a psychologist which you need ( I have been experienced childhood abuse and now aged 41 it is has come back to hit me big time with chronic depression). If your GP doesn't help get Social Services to come and assess you, they have a duty to do a care plan if you're vulnerable as you. Hope this helps