Hi, Im hoping I can have some help and advice, I'm struggling with day to day life at the moment and need some help to find myself....

I'm 30, married and so happy, yet depressed, I think I know the reason as I had a bad childhood, left home at 16, yet I have negative thoughts about everything, I have an issue with alcohol as it makes me feel confident, I hate my job yet I have worked hard all my life and still feel like I'm failing. I had a nervous breakdown last year and still suffer panic attacks and I feel I'm going down that route again but feel like I can't stop it, I've just had a miscarriage and all my issues have come flooding back, I'm loosing weight, lost interest in life and have no motivation at all, I feel like an idiot as I have the best husband and friends around me but I am sinking into a black hole again and don't know how to get out .....

[vastopensky]

Hey, what a tough time your having.

I think your wise to hold onto the good things that are part of your life, your husband and friends. But you seem to judge your responses to very challenging circumstances very harshly. There is no way that 'idiot' is a justified way to judge yourself following a miscarriage. Many many people struggle with their mental health when they loose a child, it's a very normal response to a very sad and difficult moment of life. Grief is a very real and challenging experience and it can bring back previous feelings of loss and anger too.

I suggest that you take some time out to be kind to yourself, do something special that's just for you and helps you to feel good. it might be going for coffee on your own or with a friend, or listening to your favourite music whilst having a cup of tea or having a bath with treats like bubble bath or essential oils, or even making yourself a lovely meal (if you like cooking) or going out for a meal with your husband.

Try to talk about how your feeling with someone who you feel understands and isn't judgemental or pushing you to respond in particular ways that you might not have chosen. I would try talking to the midwife/nurse who was helping you with the pregnancy about how you feel and if not them then talk to your GP. Counselling is something that many of the people here have benefited from and it's a much better option than medication.

Do tell the nurse /GP about how you feel about alcohol and how you use it... it may be that you are almost self medicating by using the alcohol to stop you feel bad. The health professionals can explain in detail the full effects of what this will be doing to you... it's not great emotionally or physically I'm afraid, but ask them for help with it and see what their experienced approach is, it might be just what you need.

Try to take hold of the tiny things you achieve each day and celebrate them. Rather than thinking about all the things you failed to do, try to list the things you did achieve to yourself and if it's a short list, go into more detail e.g.. I got out of bed, had a shower, washed my hair, got dressed, prepared and ate my breakfast, rested, watched some tv, wrote a shopping list, went shopping for food, saw a friend etc. this is quite a huge list and when life is really hard most of us wouldn't manage anything like as much as this.

It really is important to see your GP especially as you're loosing weight... this has happened three times to me just before I've got really ill so please make sure you mention it when you see the GP. Try writing a diary of all the things you've noticed that seem to be effected by how you are at the moment, it doesn't have to be for long... maybe just a week until you see the GP, and ask your husband if he's noticed anything that he thinks might be worrying, so the Dr. gets a full picture.

Mean while try to be kind and gentle to yourself, you are a survivor... you've battled through so much but perhaps now all the battles have made you war torn and weary... perhaps it's time to reach for help, bind up those wounds and let those about you fight for you while you recover your strength and heal your soul. So perhaps it's time you were kinder to your self and gave your self that gentle sweet love and encouragement that you long for. Be good to yourself, in every way you can.

Take care.... and do tell the GP as soon as you can.

K

[Photogeek]

Hi She'll , I'm sorry your going through A tough time. The thing is when we begi

To get Depressed it's liking looking through a dirty windowpane. We judge ourselves

So harshly and feel we are failures, at least that's what happens me

A miscarriage is bound to have an effect on you emotionally . Have you been to

Your GP , I would go and tell them how you feel. It is hard. But I think your Depressed And I know you have a good husband which is great. Get started on treating

The Depression and then maybe you would either be able to think about changing

Your job or tackling the problem there.

Your not. Failure but your problem Is your Depressed .l , and you would t expect a woman with

Broken leg to run a marathon. But your expecting far too much from yourself

Right now.

Big hug

Hannah x

[Slightlylost]

I understand totally. Happily married but depressed at the same time. I never know where to turn. I bottle things up and recently it all xame crashing down. I struggle talking face to face to people but chatting on paper, via email or text etc. i can be quite sensible. Tell your husband, make him listen, show him info on depression. They need to be able to understand and when you dont yourself it makes it ten times harder to explain but you will get there. Im trying my best to change my outlook and im sure you can too xx