Above & Beyond

Crashing and burning again, Can I really do this forever!

I have been suffering from depression for over 15 years now, I'm 26 and have tried most antidepressants, done the counseling thing, self help one to one and self help groups. At the time the groups and sessions have helped and I've worked through many problems I had. Now I don't have anything more to talk about I've worked through my issues, although none of which were really that major, I've never been abused or had major trauma in my life. My son'd birth was a bit traumatic but I've managed to deal with that through CBT sessions. So why do I still feel like I don't belong, that i don't want to be here and that everyday is a struggle to get up and face the world. I'm tired and feel like I have no fight left in me. I'm still young I shouldn't feel like this and it's not fair on my family, I just want all the stuff in my head to stop and just get back to reality instead of this hell of a life I live. Is there any light at the end of this black hole that is my life?

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Hello. I really feel for you. I am not normally the sympathetic type but for someone in your position I have all the time in the world. I like you have felt the way you feel for most of my life. I have read all the self-help books although i think that Ruby Wax's book 'Sane New World' really is brilliant. One thing that I have learned over the years is that all the black feelings and thoughts that you have while you are feeling this way, absolutely tires your brain out to such a point that it's no wonder you can't cope and the vicious cycle goes on and on and on. When your brain gets as fatigued as I should imagine yours is, it's no wonder that you are wallowing around in a deep pit of helplessness. I may be wrong, but I would guess that you think that you are the only person in the world that has your particular kinds of thoughts which leaves you feeling isolated and beyond help. The truth is that as we are all wired so differently that of course our own set of feelings are unique to us, but believe me you are not alone in having these devastating thoughts although they are unique to you but so are mine and many others like us. I can only put it down to brain fatigue. This is where I think you need to focus. Give your brain a rest. Give up all your fears and anxieties and just let the world take over. Accept all your fears and terrible feelings. Don't fight them. You need to give your brain a rest and never, never feel that you are suffering alone. Ok, people like us may never totally get over the thoughts that continue to haunt us but we can lessen their intensity by just accepting them and not being so afraid of them. Easier said than done I hear you think. I don't claim to have all the answers but I have learnt to lead a quite happy life after years of torturing myself with negative thoughts. Please read Ruby Wax's book and let me know what you think. In the meantime, be kinder to yourself. Stop beating yourself up for feeling as you do. Give your brain a break. Take care and never feel that you are alone.

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