Thinking about having a baby: So I have been... - Women's Health

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Thinking about having a baby

Herababy profile image

So I have been thinking of having a baby. So I told my best friend who thinks it would be a good idea and wants to help me with it. The thing is I like my best friend a lot and he doesn’t seem to like me the way I do, I mean he does but not like I do anyway. And now I’m not sure I want him to be the father of my baby. Can someone please tell me what to do?

17 Replies
wobblybee profile image

🤔 Am I financially ready? This is an important question to ask, especially in the recession. Babies cost money. Sure they’re cute and cuddly, but they use money faster than a shopaholic on Black Friday. Consider this: in the course of one day, a newborn may go through 15-20 diaper changes, use 30 wipes, need up to 3 outfits, drink 10 4oz. bottles of formula (if you’re not breastfeeding), not to mention shelter, warmth, laundry needs, water for baths….It certainly adds up, and that’s just for a newborn!

When answering this question, think about your financial resources and whether or not you are going to work when the baby is born. If you are going to work, you’re going to need to think about two things: FMLA for maternity/paternity leave and a daycare program or find an in-home sitter for when you return to work.

Maternity leave or paternity leave can be paid or unpaid, but most of the time it ends up being unpaid. A few employers will offer a small percentage of an employee’s wages for a few weeks, but most employers just offer that an employee is able to use vacation or sick leave for any pay. The time permitted for leave, however, varies. FMLA, or the Family and Medical Leave Act, is a federal law that allows parents to take at most 12 weeks of unpaid leave in any twelve month period. There are certain conditions that must be considered, but for the most part it applies for many jobs. After FMLA is used up, most employees are expected to return to work. Some jobs, like mine, may offer extra time off, but this extra time is unpaid.

If you choose to return to work, you then have to decide on a daycare program for your baby. Daycares vary in price and in how many children they admit, so do your homework before the baby arrives.

Many parents today are becoming stay-at-home parents. That is the decision I made after my daughter was born. It becomes a whole new financial ballgame. With the loss of a second income, you need to either dip into savings or find an alternate source of income. Many couples decide that the working spouse finds a second job to supplement the income. A popular thing to do now is find work online. Be wary of these offers; some are legitimate while others are not worth it. Blogging and writing on sites like HubPages is legitimate (and fun!) but you can’t expect a huge paycheck from it until you are established and create quality work.

Can you support your family? Take this into consideration when you are thinking about having a baby.

4. Am I psychologically/emotionally ready? Having a baby takes a toll on our emotional and psychological state of beings. Are you stable enough to handle the instability that often occurs when raising children? Of course, for women after a baby is born, there is potential PPD (postpartum depression), which can be treated with support, counseling, and possible medication, but there are other psychological disorders that can be triggered by having children. Speak with your doctor about how to take on the stressors of having children.

For me, it was cabin fever after having my daughter in the middle of winter and the cold/flu season. Yes, I know it’s not an actual illness, but the feelings that can set in are very similar to depression. I spent many days alone in my house with my newborn baby and toddler son, unable to be out with them for fear the baby would get sick. I had to find ways to stay active and connect with family and friends without going crazy by myself.

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I have my own business so I already have all that financial stuff taking care of. I already have everything I need to cater for my baby until college all stores up in my home.

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply to Herababy

The most important thing here is whether or not you think you can give a child a good life, not just financially but emotionally too. It is a major decision to make especially being a single parent. Suppose something happened to you for example, would you have enough help and support? Wanting a baby and having one are 2 very different things.

If you do choose to go ahead then I wish you all the best.

I think you need to have a sit down and discuss exactly what his role would be with the child. It's an awkward conversation, but you do need to have it before you even consider going down this route.

First off, how "hands on" in the raising of the child would he be? Would you be comfortable with it if he wanted 50% custody? And equally would you be alright with it if he didn't want the kid to know he's the dad (i.e. the kid would just think he's a friend of mum's)? Would he contribute financially and if he didn't want to, would you be willing to accept that?

If you're not comfortable with his answers, then tell him you think a stranger donation would be better, to protect your rights and to avoid muddying your friendship.

Hi Emma. I agree with wobblybee at 100%. I am 27 and I am ready to have a baby. We are absolutely ready. I mean that we are sure in our decision, we want to have a baby and ready to do everything we can and even can not, to achieve this. We are ready mentally and financially. We are ready physically - we are having a healthy way of living, taking vitamins, eating only fresh and healthy food, doing sports, etc. All of this, I think, shows our readiness for a baby. It goes without saying, if I would have had any doubts either about my HB's attitude towards me or about any other issues that might impact my decision, I would take a break and think everything over twice, at least.

A baby - is a new life that is needed to be treated in the best way. It is not a dog or cat that can be given away. You must be sure because a baby will change your life forever.

Afrohair profile image
Afrohair in reply to Nickon

But you have a husband that’s the difference

How long have you been thinking about it? are you truly serious or is it because you got broody over someone else’s baby?

DO NOT DO IT! Read the very good comments here! LISTEN! Your best friend is an not listen to him.....please! You're going to end up raising the child by yourself and believe me, that is NOT easy. You and the child will suffer...just wait until you find a good guy who is ready..and mature handle a marriage and having a family with you! Gads! PLEASE!!!

Herababy profile image
Herababy in reply to sweetsusie

People have kids without a man. And that is what I am going to do.

Herababy profile image
Herababy in reply to sweetsusie

And watch what u say. I was asking for opinions not have u curse me so mind what u say

sweetsusie profile image
sweetsusie in reply to Herababy

Sorry...didn't mean to offend you..but I've been there and done that...

Don't do it.

Hi there,

I feel like there is probably a lot going on in your decision about having a baby. It's a big decision, children are wonderful, but completely change your life. I have been a single parent for some of my life and the relationship with the father can be fraught and unpredictable. I'm not saying this will happen for you, just that is a possibility. I wonder if having some counselling might help you make the right decision for you?

Didn’t you post earlier about not being in a are only 25 do you not want to wait

Herababy profile image
Herababy in reply to Afrohair

No. I’m not in a relationship. But that doesn’t mean I need a man to get pregnant

Afrohair profile image
Afrohair in reply to Herababy

well Technically you do lol 😂 but I know what You mean your still quite young is more of a point and still have time to meet someone I’m only saying this as I’ve been a single parent at a young age 19 to be precise and it’s not easy the best thing for me was being married with children compared to being single as there’s a lot to think about work commitments and so forth have you thought about childcare costs when you go back to work how you will cope with the ups and downs of pregnancy I’m currently pregnant now and I couldn’t do it with no one to look after me it’s hard your sick every day and have no energy I couldn’t bare going through that you have any support from family in your decision x

Who you decide to have as a Baby Daddy is very important since they will be in the child and your life a long time, or desert you, unless you want to go it all alone, which is very hard on you and baby if they don't have a Dad in their life. This has hurt so many people, no Dad, and feeling they were deserted or unloved, which is why a commitment like marriage is at least a better chance. Even then, the genetics play a big role in who your baby will become. Maybe a personality test and a lot of questions about life and values at least with him before deciding. I would pray lot for wisdom in this. Blessings to you! <3

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