Dilemma

Hi. I am 50 and my partner is 41. I know he would love a child of his own, but accepted when we met that it was not an option due to my age. However having been together for a while I am wondering whether to suggest to him that we try (I realise it would only be a slim chance that I would get pregnant), but have very mixed feelings. On one hand I know he would be a wonderful hands on father (he has step children and grandchildren from his previous relationship) and I do enjoy children and miss going to the park, painting etc that I did when my children were younger (youngest now 17). On the other hand I am worried about my health during pregnancy and that of any baby, whether I have the energy to cope with a child and whether it would be fair on a child to have an older mum. I would love to hear of anyone elses experiences of being an older mum or a child of an older mum.

[cazwade88]

Many women are having children later in life. It is up to you hun it is yor body and any age a baby is a big life changing thing.

All you can do is ask the doctor the risks? Sorry im not 50 im younger . Just my opinion. Good luck x

[Annamoitrei]

Hi, I am 47, nearly 48 and my partner 50, we don't have a child together but we each have a child with other partners. Recently I had a huge emotional rush, a need for a child with HIM. I think I am still ovulating so there is STILL A CHANCE. I have since decided against it because I am feeling a huge energy low (probably due to middle age and approaching the menopause) BUT IF YOU REALLY FEEL LIKE YOU WANT TO TRY THEN YOU HAVE NO TIME TO LOSE! Track your cycle, find out if you are ovulating, then have LOTS of sex. Try to accept it may not happen, but enjoy the ride and see what happens. As long as you know your partner will support you throughout pregnancy and beyond then there is no reason why you couldn't be a great mother if your health is generally good, you are not massively overweight or have any worrying medical history. We don't all get the chances when we would like to, so go for it if your heart longs for it.

[Annamoitrei]

PS, I had my first and only child aged 42, so I am an "older" mum, she is now 5 and simply wonderful. I have a friend who had her first and only child aged 45. It can be done even older, why not? Just chances of conceiving are slimmer. x

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Thank you for the positive comments. Best wishes

[Kidney777]

No advice but I did find myself in a sort of similar position. I was 51 with no children and my partner was 37.

We loved each other and he really wanted a child, especially a child with me.

It was great to have someone want that with me, but I had already had a tubal due to some chronic health problems.

But I would have adopted a child with him or used a surrogate...there were a lot of things to consider.

The relationship didn't last long enough for us to really investigate our options, anyway.

It brought up a lot. I didn't feel it would be unfair to become a mom at my age, and I've worked with kids my entire career. I'd be a better mom now then when I was younger, I feel.

But whoa, I felt OLD, it was in my face. He was great and it made me very sad not to be able to have that experience with him. Or "give" him that experience. He was so youthful and eager.

Good luck. I don't think it's wrong for you to do it, but really think about it.