Where to re-start?

[motherofboys]

I have steadily increased in weight from 73kg in 2019 through covid lockdowns, menopause, kids A-levels and leaving for uni and husband's cancer diagnosis + ongoing treatment

At 8 Feb 2023 I have reached an apalling 84.7kg and 39inch waist.

I have a sedentary job 4 days a week, but I do swim a couple of times a week, run 5km each week, and occasionally do a 25km bike ride at a weekend, so I think I'm fairly active for my age, though I'm no gym bunny.

My goal is to return to 73kg and 34inch waist (or as close as I can reasonably get).

I have dieted and lost weight in the past two or three times over the last 20 years. Each time has been when I've been able to be super-focussed on me and my food for a couple of months in the early summer, because all was (relatively) calm in my life - and I've managed to stay at the lower weight for 6 months to 1 year.

All the time that my weight has been going up, since 2019, I have tried every few months to restart dieting or at least cutting out the snacks and never managed more than 2 weeks, sometimes with slight progress, more often with none, before being knocked off course.

I am an emotional-eater and my rollercoaster, anxiety-filled life shows no signs of letting up. Hubby is getting over a recent op and can only eat puree and about half my portions - I thought this might help me cut back, but if anything I am eating on his behalf - my head is so filled with how to prep food to get calories into him that I never seem to stop snacking.

I know I have to stop the weight gain - because it is not helpful to me or him. But I am at a loss where to start. So I'm asking the Internet!

[moreless Administrator 7 stone]

Welcome back, motherofboys

I'm sorry to hear that things have been difficult for you. My advice would be to get involved in forum life and to take each day as it comes. Don't concentrate on the endgame, or where you were before, just take small steps to improve your current lifestyle.

Virtually any meal can be pureed, which means that you and your husband can eat the same meals, yours will appear bigger for being left whole.

We have the Daily Diary and Springers Specials for meal ideas, dozens of recipes and many supportive members to help you.

All of the information you need about the forum can be found in Pinned Posts healthunlocked.com/weight-l... and we hope you'll be joining all the Events, Challenges and Clubs that we run, especially the weigh-in and daily diary.

Wishing you all the best

[Edge1234 Visitor]

Hi Motherofboys,

From a fellow mother of boys and someone with a busy life too I just wanted to say hello.

It sounds like you have got an awful lot going on and you are dealing with some incredibly stressful situations. Your message read to me like someone overwhelmed and I wondered if this was, at least maybe in part, the reason for your weight struggles. I think moreless’s advice of taking each day as it comes and trying not to be too focused on the end result is very sound.

I don’t want to come across as all hippy, but I wonder if the principle of mindfulness might be worth a consideration here.

You talked about your current weight as being ‘appalling’, maybe you are embarrassed by it, angry with yourself for being at this point on your scales, sad, disappointed, disgusted…but the fact is that it is what it is and there is nothing you can do about that burger you ate last weekend, or the pizza you had on Tuesday or the ice cream you had yesterday. The present situation is what counts, you can’t control the past, you can’t control the future, but you can control the present. If you always take charge of the present in terms of what you are eating and drinking and only focus on this, as long as you make healthy, lower calorie choices you will lose weight because we are always in the present.

In the present you can make a choice not to snack. You say ‘in this moment in time, I am not going to go to the fridge or the cupboard, I am not eating biscuits, crisps, chocolate, peanuts now’

In the present you can separate your emotions from your eating by saying ‘I know that I am stressed, sad, depressed overwhelmed, but in this moment in time I am not going to eat rubbish to try and feel better…I will find a different way of helping myself feel more comfortable’

I use this mantra ‘In this moment in time I am/am not….’ quite a lot and it has helped me feel much less overwhelmed.

It may not work for you, but hopefully worth sharing just in case it helps - even once or twice.

Hope hubby makes a full recovery very soon and best wishes with it all.

X

[motherofboys 3kg in reply to Edge1234]

Thanks for that - think it is probably the way to go. I have a track record of being a 'planner', always looking for what could happen next and where that would lead. My husband's illness is forcing me to shorten my horizons from what they used to be, which I find uncomfortable, but maybe focus needs to be narrower still.

[Edge1234 Visitor in reply to motherofboys]

There’s a place for planning for a busy mum with lots going on, but in terms of your dietary intake to better manage things like snacking and comfort or emotional eating maybe a more ‘right now’ approach will be less hard for you x

[Edge1234 Visitor]

Sorry…I meant to finish by answering your question ‘Where to re-start?’ My answer - ‘is in the present’ it’s the only possible place to start anything x

[meg4u]

It's breaking habits..it takes 12 weeks to break a habit like snacking. Replacing it isn't always good unless it's with chopped cucumber and celery We need carbs but not a lot Drink more water green tea every time you want to eat Try a snack of cucumber rather than high calories or ..what will happen is.. your body can't use it and stores it on you A deficit allows the body to take your fats for energy😊

[motherofboys 3kg in reply to meg4u]

I think that kicking my snack habit is where I'll try to start

[focused1 Maintainer 13kg]

If you don’t buy it you can’t eat it . If the snacks are for your children then portion out and only buy enough every shop for them .Try MyFitnessPal free app to diary and scan your food - every bit of it . This will at least give you macros and calorie guidance as a brief start . I was shocked by what I actually was eating. This clearly is food related as you seem to get enough exercise away from your job unless you tag a daily walk into your lunch time where you go out then have lunch - prepare beforehand. Breakfast could be easier by having a smoothie but watch too much fruit - porridge is ideal and great for the children. I feel you know how to do this but the motivation is only you . Try modifying for a week and don’t weigh yourself until you have done 7 days .

[motherofboys 3kg in reply to focused1]

I will try using MyFitnessPal to remind me how my needs are being met by my meals - no need for the snacks

[focused1 Maintainer 13kg in reply to motherofboys]

Think you just need encouragement as most of us know what to do . A regular gym class- try Zumba would give you a bit of motivation and me time . Other people are motivators too . Get to know at least 1 person in a class and be rivals / friends. It is so hard with a family being round food. I have 5 boys - all slim but eat so much .

[Hidden in reply to motherofboys]

Try making yourself a star chart. Your boys will encourage you to get seven stars a week, and it's amazing how something simple like that, seeing it on the wall, can motivate you. Yeas ago, when I was going to weekly WW, they gave you a sticker chart for every day you stuck to your plan. It really did help me back then, and I still do a kind of chart, a tick on the calendar on the wall every day I stick to my plan. Try it!