A bit about me and what I'm aiming for!

[MissMuffinTop]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and want to firstly say hi...so, uhh Hi!

I've been on this weight loss journey since 2016. I gained 6stone in 6months when I was in a very dark place mentally. Since then I have starved😱, purged🤮, punished😡 and more recently fell out of love with my own body💔.

I've tried diets and fasting. Keto and caveman. SlimFast and JuicePlus. Gyms and home fitness. And nothing has worked. I've made myself intentionally sick. Not eaten and continued to worked out until my legs nearly fell from beneath me. All the extreme and VERY unhealthy things.

More recently (past 3 or so months) I've been so disgusted by myself that I won't allow my Fiancé to touch me, or hug, or kiss. My whole body feels sick at the thought of him loving someone that looks and acts the way I do.

I get times when I just can't stop eating. I'll go to the kitchen at 5am and just stuff my face of all the snacks and then when questioned I have this enormous feeling of guilt and shame. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore because what I see makes me sick. It isn't me...surely it's not...but it is. It really is me!

But, this is every single day. Everyday feeling my body and how it moves makes me sick. Knowing that I have to change for my family and my OH but then I'm back in the kitchen stuffing my face. Even when there aren't any snacks I'll eat cereal or toast or anything. I've even ordered a whole takeaway for myself before. How sick is that?!

I used to swim 50 lengths in 1 hour without stopping, horse ride, place in Cross Country and do fitness camps...but 2016 just wasn't my year.

I'm now 21 and have 2 children under 2. My relationship with my Fiancé is hanging on by a thread and I'm one heavy lassy on one very weak thread. It really is time to kick my chonky ass into gear. So...this is why I'm here. Taking on the biggest challenge of my big life.

So, to anyone who reads this thankyou, and please give me your advice and tips on how to get my body back! TIA x

P. S. I'm 18stn looking to be 12stn preferably within the next year 😁! Big goals I know 😅

[BridgeGirl Administrator 2 stone]

Nice to hear from you, MMT

I suggest you follow the link to Pinned Posts that moreless gave you earlier and check out all the activities on offer. Choose your day to join a weigh in and have a look at the Daily Diary - you could start by browsing to see what others are planning to eat, then join in when you're ready

[MissMuffinTop in reply to BridgeGirl]

Hi again,

A weekly weigh-ins sounds right up my alley. I used to do slimming world and really valued the weigh-ins but unfortunately the situation we're all in has meant it's quite impossible.

Thankyou again

[BridgeGirl Administrator 2 stone in reply to MissMuffinTop]

Just choose your day and seek it out in Pinned Posts

[Subtle_badger]

Hey there, 🤗

We will support you all we can, but you need more than you can get from strangers on the internet. You need professional counselling as well, to get to the root of your self destructive behaviour. Contact your GP, they are doing phone and video appointments now and ironically it's actually easier to get an appointment. I have no doubt they will refer you to professional counselling to address your underlying issues.

That will unfortunately probably take months, so start as soon as you can. In the meantime, we can try to nudge you in the right direction, and you can talk to us whenever you feel like it.

And there will be people on here who are dealing with or have conquered similar issues to yours, who may have more practical advice.

Hang in there!

[MissMuffinTop in reply to Subtle_badger]

Hi, thankyou for replying to me. I have contacted my GP and I've self referred via the online application service. I've always had problems with my weight and most of the causes are due to my mental health. I have a telephone consultation on Tuesday so hopefully that will get the ball rolling in the right direction!

Thankyou again

[Subtle_badger in reply to MissMuffinTop]

That's great. I was going to suggest self-referral, but that's not available in my area now because of CV19. Glad you still have access to it.

👍

[Subtle_badger]

MissMuffingTop,

How are you doing?