I saw this article by a Dr Travis Bradberry who writes about emotional health. He lists ten things often common in unhappy people.
One that struck me was "things will be better when....". How often have we all thought it and then found out that "when" never comes, or if it does come we find we're still not entirely happy? Often this applies to people with weight issues eg: the plump teenager starving for the perfect body so that the boy next door will notice her, or the wronged wife who thinks that getting slim will make her Ex see what he's missing.
The problem with this is, if we lose weight but it doesnt quite lead to the happy ending we anticipated, we're highly likely to fall right off the wagon, eat more to compensate and go right back to square one....feeling rubbish.
I guess the moral here is, get slimmer and healthy for OURSELVES , for nobody else, not for a loved one, nor for that perfect job, and if we have unhappiness in our lives then seek other ways to deal with it, but not with food.
Easier said than done? Your thoughts ladies please..
I agree with what you say. Food has always been my crutch at times of unhappiness or stress. I don't often drink (alcohol depresses me and sends me to sleep) and never ever had an urge to inhale smelly smoke as others do....it has always been bread, cake and chocolate that call when I feel tired or lonely or under pressure.
Knowing that, I still have to deal with it as any other "addiction" and have to be aware that it will always be with me, and falling off the wagon is only too easy.
To get our head in the right place, we need to see the good in ourselves, lose the guilt, raise the hope and believe in the very best person we can be. Then the weight control becomes something we know we can do ...and all we have to do is stick with it!
I think that's true of many of us DartmoorDumpling
Also, we grew up as children with parents offering us "nice" food whenever we were sad ( eg fell off our bike) or as a reward ( got a gold star at school) and in turn I'm afraid I did the same with my kids in the early days.
I think both are true... I hope that losing weight always makes people happier but not necessarily happy - depends on other issues. It's interesting to think about it.
I've been thinking more and more about just this subject lately Ellie, great minds think alike! Some people eat to live and others love to eat. A friend of mine has hardly any interest in food, gobbles it down, hardly even tasting it, forgets about meal times in fact it's at the bottom of priorities, she's slightly overweight and moans about it all the time and then just starves herself for a bit till she feels comfortable in her clothes again, to me that's sad and unhealthy. I, on the other hand, appreciate food greatly, to me, there is nothing more enjoyable than sharing a tasty, healthy nutritious meal with fellow foodies. Two different mental attitudes, the same goes for false expectations that being slim will solve all your problems - it won't- it will help greatly with health issues, confidence will benefit, but I think overall happiness comes from a place within, it's an emotional state rather than physical.
I agree with you, Ellie, that it's both. Having been big, pretty much from birth, until I finally decided to take action 22 months ago, at the age of 23, I was stuck in a vicious circle, of being unhappy, and eating to take my mind off things, but then becoming more unhappy, when I would weigh myself, and I had gained weight.
Very interesting stuff, food will never comfort you, I realized almost 10 years ago, that I ate badly through my menopause, at the start, I truly felt awful, for years, well the first two were the worst, and started my weight gain. I did feel depressed at times, coping working full time, living on my own, and catch up naps. I also felt pretty worthless and generallly crap!
At times like last night , I did feel pretty much alone ( almost never ending singleness, despite lots of stuff) and missing my parents, i do feel better today and more normal.
Food will not change any of that, and I'm a total foodie, too much sugar and crap at the start of the week, so its back to a normal healthy diet again.
Tho I have to admit the last few months, I feel better than I have done in years, the menopasal stuff seems to be vanishing, almost in time for my 55th birthday, and cat and I celebrate 6 years together on Tuesday.
Life is good, and I realise I'm lucky to have friends and good health
I really believe in focusing on positives too Diana. We can't help some things, like you say being single can't be changed overnight. I was single for a long time before I met my boyfriend so I really appreciate what I've got now! Also having good friends is never something to be underrated. Good friends stick with you across the decades, and if you're lucky for a lifetime
I hasten to add I've 3 fab brothers too, and I get to visit 2 of them this year, 1in Italy and1 in Spain, I love the heat too, so awaiting the heat, in June and September, meanwhile it's bright and sunny here too.
Friendships are great, I don't think I'll have many that last a lifetime, a few quite a few years tho
I agree with what you are saying. I believe that in certain cases you need to be selfish and you body is one of those also I believe that to be loved you need to love yourself
This is interesting food for thought Ellie. I definitely felt an anticlimax at the 'goal' stage of my weight loss journey. I achieved the health-related stuff along the way, so by the time I got to healthy bmi all that was left was being happy with how I looked, which is not something I can easily say yes to, oh yes happy there, next question ha ha. Too much history of being self-critical in front of the mirror! That one I'm definitely still working on...
For me focusing on positives, what I've achieved, what I can have, where I can focus my energy to see positive results, this is my break through. So the pessimism point in the article strikes a chord. But also the social one too. This forum is social, and so are the people I meet at the running club and parkrun etc. Even just going out for a run on my own is social as it takes me out of my headzone and I'm forced to interract a little even if that just involves saying hi to strangers' dogs or quacking back at the ducks
I think of it like a cycle, uncontrolled eating = weight gain + lack of fitness = feeling unhappy and frustrated with self = further unhappiness. Just changing one thing, such as taking control of our eating stops the viscious cycle, and gradually over a period of time, our self confidence grows leading to greater chance of happiness.
But I also view good food and nutrition is a way of showing love and appreciation for our selves and our bodies. 😊
What a thought provoking post elliebath , the article makes a very interesting read and I feel I should pass it on to some people I know who wallow in their own misery and don't seem to realise it is of their own making - that may sound harsh - but I'm afraid it is a reality with some people. It doesn't matter how much you try to help, they can never see a positive.
As for me, I can relate to a lot of what has been said. Food has always been a crutch, the same as DartmoorDumpling , the bread, cake and chocolate comes knocking at the door. I know that eating it won't make a jot of difference to my mood and I have now realised that I don't really enjoy the cake that much and the chocolate doesn't last long enough in my mouth to make any difference to my mood, tastes good for a few seconds and then it's gone. Bread on the other had is a comfort and I know limit how much I eat and don't ever turn to it in a moment of crisis, there is none in my house to turn to most of the time.
I agree with you 'when' never comes - there is always something else that takes it's place. I feel that from the point of view of loosing weight, we have to try and accept that it will not change the way we feel completely, we will feel better in ourselves and some of the aches and pains may go away, I think the key is we need to learn to love ourselves now, as we are, wether we like what we see in the mirror or not. This is not an easy thing to do, especially when we witness the disgust on other peoples faces, or hear the unkind comments, as some of us have or do. Also Hidden makes a good point, we have been self critical for so long it is a hard habit to break. We keep saying the number on the scales, our weight, does not define us, we have to truly believe that. We will still be the same people when we reach our goals, in fact we may be a better version of ourself, we may be less judgemental and more empathetic towards people that are struggling in life, because we have struggled.
I have suffered with depression, self loathing, feeling worthless, lost all my confidence, hidden away from the world and hated the feelings that made me feel so miserable. I have seen how it caused real concern and worry for my husband and children and know how hard it can be to turn it around. I have got bigger and bigger and kept blaming my mood on my weight, in fact my weight is because of my mood, which was because of other situations I have to cope with in life. As Hidden says, there is usually an underlying belief that other situations cannot be changed. I sat and watched Pollyanna with my daughter one day, a lovely film. In it Pollyanna goes from house to house and teaches the unhappy people how to play the 'Glad Game'. I started every day, before I got out of bed by thinking of all the thinks in life I was glad about - simple positive thinking - what a difference it makes to your mood, which in turn has a positive affect on what some of us eat. When I joined this Forum I was encouraged to take part in the Happiness Challenge, which for me over the past few months has been a 'sanity saver' on more than one occasion. Life has been hard, watching my Mum struggle with health and my Dad struggle with looking after her and my son struggle with his psoriasis. The Happiness Challenge helps me to focus on what is good in life and to realise that I still have to live my life.
The moral is definitely to loose weight for ourselves and our health with no pressure, but also to learn to be happy at what ever weight we are and to recognise that our weight is not the be all and end all of happiness in our lives. We need a positive mindset to deal with all aspects of our lives.
I really enjoyed reading the article Ellie, thank you for posting it.
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The long, long, looooong journey. 
Losing weight is hard! - No, it's not.
To lose or not to lose ... That's what Shakespeare would say if he would have been fat 😂 I say , to lose . 
Super Saturday Weigh-in - 11 March 
