Desperately need cheering up

[nikki2975]

Ever since my nanna passed away (17 years this year) i've struggled with eating...it's not that i eat too much in fact i barely eat but when i do it's always high fat and sugary foods and drinks.

I know i need to lose weight (currently 16-17 stone) and have done for a long while but when it comes to motivation i struggle.

I have my £15 a year active pass ready for my local leisure center, picked out the classes i want to do around working and it's currently in a folder where it has been for at least the last 4 months. i have a healthy weekly meal plan that took me ages to finish, i have most of the food in for the meal plan and have done since around April (obviously the frozen & cupboard stuff) and not touched it.

I have started eating less crisps, chocolate, cakes etc and limit it to 1 small bar & 1 packet of crisps which i have with my sandwich for work 4 times a week.

I've started drinking more water, although i do still drink fizzy stuff but not as much.

I have a more energetic job and do between 20,000-25,000 steps on my fitbit 4 times a week.

My portion sizes aren't as big anymore and i try to get my 5 a day as much as possible but i'm not a big lover of fruit and trying to fit it in when i'm out most days is really difficult.

I also suffer from Depression, Anxiety and Stress (currently seeing a psychologist), Fatty Liver Disease, Polycystic Ovaries, Hyperthyroidism, Hashimoto's disease and several vitamin deficiencies which i'm currently taking supplements for.

A couple of days ago i ordered some new clothes in sizes 22 and 24. i didn't really think about it at the time, i just saw things i liked and put it in my basket and ordered them. i've just tried them all on now and there all going back as i look hideous in them and can't stop crying. I want to lose the weight but have so many factors against me and i don't know what to do. it's never affected me like this before.

I only used to have a bathroom mirror and whenever i looked down i knew i wasn't thin but i didn't think i was as big as i was till i walked past a shop window and saw my reflection. i had to do a double take to make sure it was me. my heart sunk but not enough to push myself to really start doing something about it.

[Ruby8]

Hi Nikki, I'm so sorry to hear how much you feel you are struggling at the moment. I think a big part of you wants to start the journey to losing weight, and you have absolutely come to the right place to get help and encouragement with that. I have been here for a few days and it's already helping me. I am size 22 too, and fed up with it! Look at my profile, I have put a picture up! Lot's of us on here have various health issues or conditions and you will find people who know what you are dealing with and can share their experiences.

It seems to me that you are trying to take everything on all at once and maybe it's a bit overwhelming? You have started to drink less fizzy drinks, and cut down your portions which is a great achievement so don't underestimate the value of that. Maybe it would help you to think of 'baby steps' you can take in the direction you want to go. Make a list, just for you of small changes, maybe just one thing per fortnight?

Anyway, I won't ramble on too much...but take heart. You are not on your own! x

[Ruby8]

Nikki, I want to add something else. There is so much information in your message,and I was addressing your desire to lose weight, but I also see that you suffer from depression. I want to say BE KIND TO YOURSELF, and try to fill your life with things that you enjoy and make you happy. That is the most important thing of all I'd say. x

[nikki2975 in reply to Ruby8]

Thank you Ruby8, It made me cry reading your replies and instantly made me feel better. I still felt down this morning but only for an hour or so.

I felt motivated this morning and due to me taking my Iron tablets when i woke up i knew i couldn't eat or at least helped convince myself that i shouldn't drink fizzy drinks or eat any unhealthy foods that i usually do.

I had to go to the hospital and then my psychologist this morning ( that little breakdown was perfect timing in terms of being the night before seeing her) and when i got home i stuck to water and had a Banana and actually enjoyed it.

Dinner was mixed as i went to mine and my mum's favourite place. I Had Smothered Chicken with the BBQ, Bacon & Cheese and that comes with about 10 chips, Sweetcorn and Coleslaw. I did have 2 glasses of coke and a small chocolate brownie with Ice cream too for desert but felt a little guilty as i wanted to start my healthier eating today but i thought, well i needed the fat/Protein to help absorb the Vit D tablets and I don't eat it very often.

To make up for it, I had two small sandwiches for tea with Ham, Lettuce, Cucumber, Tomatoes and 2 boiled eggs. I put on a little extra salad for a side too so hopefully with the Orange juice i had with it, it should work out as my 5 a day with the banana. I've not had any more coke since and have stuck to Water.

I even refrained from eating my usual packet of crisps.

My psychologist cheered me up too by saying when she saw me she thought i had lost weight since i last saw her 2 weeks ago and whenever i see people i've not seen for a while they tell me i have lost weight so maybe i'm just not noticing it?

I'm really motivated to get my leisure centre pass in too, I have to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours as with some exercises i can get palpitations and really bad dizzy and feeling faint spells to the point i have to lie down and fall asleep. sometimes the feeling goes by the time i wake up and sometimes it doesn't. aparently, there is a family history of heart murmurs so i want to make sure i'm ok to exercise even though i won't do anything too strenuous. I've heard Water aerobics is good and i want to do a tominig and conditioning class.

Forgot to mention in my original post as well that my doctor is referring me to a wellness programme type thing that helps with dieting when you have medical and mental health problems so just waiting for that to come though.

Sorry i've rambled on too much

[Ruby8 in reply to nikki2975]

Not at all nikki, so touched that I made you feel a bit better, as I am sure everyone else has too. The wellness programme sounds perfect for you, they will have your needs in mind so you will be in good hands! I think all water based activities are good as the water supports you, I did water aerobics ages ago, and loved it, I would do it again if it was available near my home.

Great that you enjoyed your banana. When we cut down on having lot's of overly salty or sweet food, or processed food, our tastebuds adjust and we start to taste our food better than before. That's what I find anyway.

Keep up the good work,

Take care!

x

[nikki2975 in reply to Ruby8]

Thank you x

[Hidden]

Hi Nikki,

I do feel for you. There's obviously a lot going on in your life that is a challenge.

Maybe it will help if you can view your current feelings as the starting point for tackling the weight? Take the view that you are quite low now, so the only way is up, the scales will never say 17 stones again starting from now? Then put your menu plan into action.

While it can all seem very overwhelming, look at all the action you have taken so far: - you have made a menu, you have got the food in, you have planned out your exercise, you are already doing a decent amount of walking, and you have cut down the junk food. All these show that you are taking positive action, so praise yourself for that.

To keep the momentum going you could use your menu plan for, say, 4 days, really commit to it, and see how you get on and how you feel. That should see you lose a few pounds, and give you the confidence to carry on. By Christmas you could be a good 2 or 3 stones lighter, and that's got to be worth it.

Having been depressed myself, I know that it is very easy to ignore all the good stuff we do and focus on the bad stuff and our failings, so try hard to think of all the positive things you are doing, so you can build your morale up.

I hope it all goes well for you. You deserve it.

[nikki2975 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you MEBXYZ,

Thank you for your nice words, my eyes were filling up.

I have the motivation back, i just hope it will last. My psychologist said that to me a couple of weeks ago about how it sounds like i ignore all the good and positive things i've done and do and focus on the bad stuff and what i've failed to do. I also tend sometimes to not bother doing things as i know/think i'm gonna fail at it or give up easily etc..she said i should change my "motto" too something is better than nothing and it's constantly at the back of my mind now so fingers crossed this is it.

I have dieted before, before i found out i had the Fatty Liver and Cysts and without really trying and doing little exercise i was still losing 2-3 lbs a week and was nearly at a stone when i got back into my old habits and now it's harder to kick and knowing that the Liver and Cysts alone stop you from losing and can put it on is the hardest part for me to overcome at the start.

[katy9617]

nikki2975, darling darling darling! have you seen a dr about your depression? I love what ruby said about baby steps. I think you are overwhelming yourself. don't. do take baby steps. cut out one thing for a week or a fortnight and then you will see amazing results. walk a little and when you lose a few pounds, you will be overjoyed and will want to continue on! chin up! we are all where you are or were where you are at one time and understand what you are going thru. I am a size 22 as well so I know where you are coming from. my problem is getting rid of sugar. anyway, I feel so bad for you cuz I am in the same situation myself. once I decided I liked myself the way I was, that is when I knew I could change things. my husband was acting funny and I was afraid I would lose him but now I know if he left because of my weight then he was going to leave anyway. that was just an excuse. he hasn't left yet but if he does I will be fine. you are going to be fine too! just remember what good things you are. are you funny? are you a wonderful giver? are you talented? of course you are all these things and more! that makes you worth it no matter what you weigh! weight is just a thing we have that can be changed not a thing that makes us worth less than others. we are not lazy and worthless or weak. we are strong, wonderful women that have a few extra pounds on us that will go away! and if they don't oh well, we are still strong wonderful women! chin up darling, we can do this!!!!

[Ruby8 in reply to katy9617]

Well said katy9617!

[nikki2975 in reply to katy9617]

Thank you Katy9617,

I do see a Psychologist every 2 weeks at the moment and that's been for roughly 3 months. I do feel a lot better now i've started to see her and last night surprised and shocked me as i've not felt like that for a long time...I think i was over tired too. (i actually had an appointment with her this morning)

I do tend to get inpatient and then it's turns into overwhelming myself. Usually, i just put my earphone on and listen to music and zone out as that usually helps and has since i was a teenager but i just wanted to cry last night. I feel a lot better now and more motivated to stick with it, i just hope it lasts.

Seeing your comments about thinking your husband was gonna leave you, reminded me of a conversation i had at my old job with a lad i got on with. I can't remember how we got on to it now but i was talking about finding it hard to lose weight and he was telling me his mum has an underactive thyroid and it was stopping her losing weight so he was understanding how hard it was for me to do it and i must of told him i wasn't seeing anyone as we were talking about having a boyfriend and he was saying that nice girls like me should be with someone and then mentioned about my size as basically the reason why i didn't as i have a pretty face so that wasn't the problem. I was offended and hurt at the same time. I knew my weight was part of the reason but to have someone i only spoke/worked with a couple of times say that took me by surprise.

It got to a point were i thought i might as well give up trying to lose weight and die fat and happy but i've slowly come to the realization that it doesn't make me happy at all. I don't want to be a supermodel just to be able to feel comfortable in my own skin and not feel like everyone's looking at me thinking i'm a fat cow who eats to much as it's completely the opposite.

[katy9617 in reply to nikki2975]

I always thought people were looking at me like I was a fat cow too but it turns out they really are not looking at me. they are not looking at you or judging you either, and if they are.. well aren't they bored! so what if they do they have life issues for sure. I like that you are so much like me and I think we will get along fine. I use music to escape as well. I have had guys tell me I am pretty just too big and that used to hurt my feelings but now if they cant see me for who I am.. who needs them??? I like me and when you get to where you like you, life will be easier for you. I hope it is soon. I like you a lot and I am a total stranger! I don't care what you look like, you have a terrific personality and losing weight does not make you happy if you are not happy to start with. it will make you healthy and live longer and that is what I want. I decided I am happy the way I am and want to live longer so I eat healthy and exercise a bit which releases endorphins making me feel good. I like that and so will you! we can do this together so Chin up!!!

[nikki2975 in reply to katy9617]

I thought I was there, I used to tell myself I'll eat what I want and die happy but feeling like that hasn't lasted long I think it's gonna be a while before I'm happy with myself mostly because of my health which is really getting me down but I know losing weight will help with that too so it's like I'm going round in circles

I don't think it can get any worse so I suppose that's a good thing!

[slimpickings 2 stone]

You have been readying yourself for this moment over the last few months but the shop window and the clothes were the tipping point for you. Most people on this forum have had a wake up call when they have realised that they need to do something now and these are all extremely complex and personal. You have already been offered some excellent advice which I simply wish to reinforce. You must never ever think of yourself as hideous again. Ever. You need to start loving yourself again, caring for the inside and outside of you in as many ways as you can but over time. Go and talk to your GP and he/she can also offer you support both for the inside and outside you. This forum will hold your hand and help you along the weight loss journey. Good luck. Xx

[nikki2975 in reply to slimpickings]

Thank you slimpickings xx

[katy9617 in reply to slimpickings]

love what you said slimpickings. you are most wise and I agree with it all

[Cat33 Visitor]

I echo everything that had been said Be kind to yourself take one day at a time Keep posting we will you be behind you willing you on to succeed You are a very brave lady to have coped with your health issues

Take lots of care of yourself 💕

[nikki2975 in reply to Cat33]

Thank you Cat33 💕

[Cat33 Visitor in reply to nikki2975]

You are welcome my love All the very best xx

[debg39]

HI Nikki,

I don't know if the link attached will help, but this lady really inspired me and made me realise what can be done when we are in the right place to make it happen. The link is off the running couch to 5k site but she speaks about various things you have mentioned in your post and how quickly she progressed in 9 weeks.

Hope she has can inspire you to take the next steps on from you are now xx

healthunlocked.com/couchto5...

[nikki2975 in reply to debg39]

Hi, Thank you debg39! I'll have a look thank you xx